Ok so what would you do?

[Louw12345]

I had a huge post but it sounds like I'm having ago at my partners kids.

So I will ask one question how do I get them to respect our home and my things.

I am sick of things getting broken and them not even being told off for it. Or them being allowed to not follow the rules.

We when are all together there are 7 kids in the house. His are the youngest two at 4 and 6 but do know right from wrong.

But sorry just doesn't cut it anymore. Iv put alot of money in to making my home their home to. But I'm replacing things or losing memories because of it.

Their dad doesn't disaplin them just says we have spoken about this before, they say sorry to him.then off they go.

Is there anything I can do before I end up walking away fTom it all

i think your issue is with your partner rather than the children. they know right and wrong but the lines of what is acceptable and what isnt are blurred. Obviously not excusing them - they do need to be told. You need to explain to your DP how much this is bothering you and that he needs to sort his kids out before it gets worse. He needs to take responsibility when they break/damage something, clean it up and replace it himself. I wouldn't accept that from my kids so you shouldnt accept it from his.

However it does need to come from him as theyre his kids and you dont want to be the evil stepmother always having a go. thats not fair on you. i had one of those and, looking back, it was just because my dad was a lazy parent so he got the fun bits and she didnt!

You get their Dad to step up and discipline and make them follow rules. They are 4 and 6 he is the adult who needs to make a follow consistent rules.

If he won’t he is your problem

I'd ask your dp to pay for every single thing his kids break. How much stuff are we talking about? Are all the kids rioting round the house unchecked?

Can't you limit the time all the kids are actually in the house? Get the outside to the park, even if it's raining and wear them out. Then going back say 'right, clean up, pjs on and quiet time until dinner'.

I find that kids that young need a structured day so they aren't bored and although this doesn't mean they need to be hovered over, probably do need to be put in the same room as an adult and given something to do ie board game, craft project.

As for discipline, your house, your house rules. I think that needs to be made clear to ALL the kids involved and I'd even go as far as typing them up and sticking them on the wall in the main room. So dirty washing goes in the wash basket, dirty dishes in dishwasher/sink, no pushing, no shouting, no running in the house, if you make a mess you clean it - that type of thing. Have a group meeting of the kids and say that when everyone is together it's too much to expect just the adults to clean up and therefore EVERYONE is to be involved and help out.

Louw12345 as others said, the issue is not the kids, it's the parent. The kids do only as much as the parent allows. If your partner is being too soft, if will get even worse in the future. Bigger kids, bigger problems. And then your own kids will see they are treated differently and his kids get away with much more stuff. If he is soft to ALL kids involved, at least that is fair enough, that's his personality, but if he is soft to his kids only, that's wrong.

Well my girls have chait's for their desk. Hos was was sat on it on one leg. I explained that the chair has four legs and to sit on it probably or come off it. Anyway he did that till I left the room next thing he's crying obvs fell and bent the leg coz he was crying the chair never got spoken about.

His daughter poured all the sand out of my glass memoblia from my and my kids first holiday aboArd (it's been there since july) she said it wasn't her. But everyone else said it was.

His son was playing with th bkinds today and pulled the thing of the pull thing.

They play with water in the bathroom when they know they aren't allowed to.

His son split water over my laptop. I was doing uni work as they came, dad got him a drink then it went all over it.

My kids toys have been broken by his son.

Picture frame in the livingroom broken and my daughters in her bed room.

They have drawn on the brand new bunk beds I brought. And got sweets stuck to the fabric toy boxes and carpet when they know they arnt allowed upstairs.

Oh and pulled my blind down on the stairs.

He has the cheek to say to me in the week that iv slipped with the kids asell

They are 4 and 6.

I am not sure this relationship is going to last.

I couldn't handle that. Anything can be expected if there's respect but there just isn't here.

What would I do?

I'd think long and hard if I could continue with the relationship due to his poor parenting.

He desont say anything at all to my kids but then says they shouldn't of done that. He's around my kids more than I'm. Around his if he wants me to disaline his kids he needs to back me up just like I would if he displined mine.

Yes I know my problem is with him that's why I didn't send the first post as it sounded like my problem is with them.

He moaned at me today coz I asked him to make their dinner I said I did breakfast and u had a lay in. But oh no it still wasn't enough. He still went on with himself. I told him straight we either work as a team or don't at all he didn't like it but I'm a full time mum who also attends uni and start placement soon. He gos to work yes but gos home to his tea cooked clothes washed and a clean house coz he's still with his mum.

My kids help out at home and I see the stress they feel on the 2 weekends all the children are together. They all share a room and my girls like it fairly tidy. But his aren't tidy at all. I asked today if they tidy up at home and they said no. Their room is a mess. I said oh no that's not good you should help your mum and tidy the toys away that your not playing with.

I will chat with him again tomorrow, I just don't know how to word it without sounding like I'm being a bitch.

Iv told him to watch super nanny haha but he still hasnt I'm sure coz I would if he had.

When iv asked his daughter to do something or she can't play on say my phone. I get why why why though.

If my children ask him if they can go on his phone and he says no and they ask again I say he has said no so please don't ask him again.

2 very young children come into a house with 5 other children and they are not wanted.

They are 4 and 6 and surprise surprise they do not do what they are expected to all the time.

I think you are being a tad too harsh - your 5DCs said your SDC was the one to spill the sand - it may be true but are they really going to admit they knocked it over, when a ready scape goat is there, they play with water in the bathroom !, blind pulls do come off.

Yes they may need some more discipline form their father but seriously what you are describing does not sound like wanton destruction.
I think you are being a bit harsh and unrealistic.

If I’m totally honest with 5 kids of my own I wouldn’t get involved with a partner who had any. Why are they coming to you at all? If he lives with his mum then he should have them there, they aren’t getting time with him if they have 5 other kids around as well.
That said we all know kids who just break everything all the time. My DC’s know when they have certain friends over to put away anything precious to them to avoid it being ruined. I’m impress that you don’t constantly have breakages with 5 in the house! Some children just don’t have the discipline to treat things nicely and you don’t have them long enough to make a real impact especially without their dad’s input. Put your foot down. Tell him he has to spend some quality time with his kids out of your house and stick to the house rules. Also just say no to them playing on your phone. It’s tricky being a SP but it’s your house and your rules.

They come once a month for a full weekend and 1 weekend on a sat night.

We are ment to be moving intogether but i dont think its the right time for that.

Tbh I don't have brakes with my kids unless they brake their own toys, they definitely don't play with the blinds. ( my youngest Is 6 to) or touch my things and ask if they can go into their siblings room.
I'm not saying my kids are as good as gold they argue and don't listen but with my kids I can punish them as I see fit.

My partner talks so softly to his. He needs a firmer tone. Iike he did the other week when he was ill and didn't want to go around the houses for them to get their pjs on. Iv asked you to get your pjs on I won't ask again if your chose to ignore me there will be no supper. Done kids got pjs on.

They are very much wanted here like I said I have made this house their own but that doesn't mean it should not be treated with respect. We all look after the house together and so should they.

He said today he's 4 years old he doesn't know rules. Ok so when should we bring rules in ?and when is old enough to understand ? cos I think simple rules like don't jump on the bed especially when he's been asked not to 2 mins before is fairly simple.

It's not about the kids gosh I know give them inch they will take the mile mine have done that in the past. But I have 5 I have to be on top of it. And I think that's what he doesn't understand.

Like many people have said the kids will end up seeing the difference in who gets told off and who doesn't. And mine will probs start not liking or enjoying his coming coz of it.