Need some perspectives please

[Fairystepsthought]

I constantly pander to whims of my blended family to cater for all when it comes to meals. No onion. No garlic. No veg other than broccoli. No mince. No meat on the bone. The list goes on. I feel like I need a Venn diagram some days to work out what to cook. Last week I cooked a meal with chicken thighs that I thought everyone liked apart from it seems my dsd. She just wants chicken breast. I’d cooked it fresh for her to eat when she walked through the door at 9.30pm. On a Tuesday she goes out and often eats late - mostly meals that I’ve cooked and can be reheated or I return to the kitchen at 9.30 to cook again. No clearing up is done by her though so kitchen is a mess first thing in the morning. So after last week I decided to get her a ready meal as I again was cooking something with boneless chicken thighs and didn’t think she’d want it. WRONG! Oh now she likes the look of this one. Wants to put some aside before she goes out. Ready meal that I bought in an attempt to lessen my cooking at 9.30/reduce mess to clear up gone to waste. Can’t you cook the chicken thighs with breast for me she says? So that’s cooking meals that are No onion. No garlic. No veg other than broccoli. No mince. No meat on the bone And NOW MIXING BREAST WITH THIGH!!! And my OH supports her!?!?! And all with our young and impressionable dd and dads watching on. Thoughts please?!

Her father should cook for her himself, or clear up after her.

Are all those requests from dsd???

I gave up trying to please the picky eaters in my house, its just too much work. I now cook what i want to eat and tell DH what i am having if he or DSD want some i cook them some too. If they don't want some or all of what i am having they can sort themselves out. Thankfully DSD is less picky than DH and they both like toast so they often end up having that

No not all requests of dsd

If they're not all requests from DSD then why is she the one you're annoyed by?

My family deal with fussy eaters by agreeing a meal plan for the week. If there is something planned for a Wednesday that someone dislikes, we make sure they like Tuesday's meal, and make extra of it for leftovers.

You could put the ready meal in the freezer.

I speak as a picky eater, stop pandering! Seriously, dinner is X, take it or sort yourself out and clear up any mess you make. It’s how it works in this house. You’re making a martyr out of yourself. Stop doing it. No-one will thank you. Let them learn to sort themselves. You’re not a servant!

How old are the children concerned?
Perhaps they can help cook..or chip in with the cooking .

It does sound exhausting..enough to make you want to run away.

I hate onions...so I get that. Gravy...it's optional surely.

ha yes gravy optional! Dsd 17. Don’t get me wrong I do try and arrange for something for reverend each week. Ready meal will go in freezer.

Meals is a real node of contention for me and 1 of my DSC.

Her mum (according to my OH who is also an incredibly fussy eater) asks what they want and cooks 3 separate meals. Most of it oven food. The kids don’t have developed palettes at all. One is incredibly fussy - will only eat a plain burger when out (god help us if a piece of lettuce or tomato touches it), will only eat orange cheese (WTF), or margarita pizza.

My mum was a chief and i’m a pretty adventurous cook (of course I always cook child appropriate dinners). Dinner has really caused me stress. I don’t offer choice and I cook one meal.

DSD won’t even try. Won’t eat what her and her mum call any ‘foreign’ food. Won’t eat anything with onion, garlic, rice, pasta.... I could go on.

My OH used to pander to her and I tried to get tough. How else will she try new stuff? He doesn’t want to upset her and says it’s only 2 days out of 14. So I let him cook the dinners when they are here. I don’t want to eat shit and she only really eats 3 dinners do I cook for myself sometimes. Interestingly enough the DSS wants to try stuff and asks me to cook curry and chilli, risotto. I got to the point we’re i couldn’t stand the tears and tantrums at dinner. She’s 12 and I’ve come to the conclusion she will never change. Let your OH deal with it.

That’s the mum is a fussy eater! Not my OH!

Cook stuff, serve it, if they dont eat it bin it. Job done until breakfast. They are being ridiculously unreasonable.

Agree with above poster. Fussiness is learnt in my opinion. The worse thing you can do is pander to it. I’m from the generation that mum cooked one dinner (we didn’t get to choose it) and that was it. By pandering you’re creating the monster. My OH disagree on this. If he wants to pander fine. I’m not going to.

I think he’s started to realise there’s a problem. He asked her at the weekend what she had for lunch at school and she said she eats chips everyday as there’s nothing else she likes. I actually feel sorry for her. I’ve tried to help.

Would also be interested in suggestions, my DSS is an extremely fussy eater and appears to be pandered to by all (DP) included. With three younger children, one of which is extremely impressionable, I have to bite my tongue a lot. I do the usuals like hiding vegetables but open to other thoughts. I am not feeding my children crap food, but equally my DSS moaning about food he didn't like would put my impressionable preschooler off!

hopefor I was a fussy child. Extremely fussy. My take on it is,

1. don’t pander, but always have at least one thing on the plate that is a “safe” (for him) food that you know he will eat.

2. have a rule that no-one makes remarks or complaints about any food that they or anyone else has on their plate. It’s extremely bad manners. If you don’t like your food you just thank the chef and ask if you can bring your plate to the sink/dishwasher and leave the table. (IME having to stay and watch everyone else eat feels like a punishment for not eating)

3. don’t sneak foods or put pressure on to try new things. They always spot the hiding stuff and it causes bad feeling and mistrust.

4. accept they are a fussy eater and make peace with it. Really, hard as that is, you being annoyed by it will not make them unfussy, they’ll still be fussy and you’ll be annoyed. Save yourself the annoyance as it doesn’t help. They will grow out of it at their own pace, probably as teens away from the gaze of the adults in their lives who make a big deal of them being picky.

I had exactly the same with my (now-ex) dss. In the end, I just cooked for myself and left dp to cook for him. They mostly seemed to live on pot noodles and Smash.

She ate some chicken and half the blooming ready meal - rest left in the fridge!

At 17 she can cook some of her own dinners. I was cooking at an early age and left home to go to University (300 miles from home). She should be able to cook for herself by now.

Thanks all for the feedback given to me. When I say sneak veggies, I mean in terms of blending into the sauce (ie spaghetti bolognese sauce with mushrooms, carrots and celery blended in - always eaten and never noticed!) rather than hiding them on the plate. I will definitely try to coach on the no remakes at the table, not sure how that will go down but we'll give it a go (my dss is 7 and acts without thinking!)

Op in your situation it's agree that she needs to cook her own food. At 17 there's probably a limit to what you'll achieve with fussy eating anyway, so for your own sanity, let her waste her own food rather than anything you've cooked. I was cooking for myself at 17 everyday so it's not mean!

OMG, how do you get the patience? I would have longed exploded by now, both in terms of cooking and cleaning. Why are you accepting it?

At 17 she can sort out her own food.