Advice

[247mummsy]

My fiancé’s son is 10 he totally dictates the TV in our lounge (our only tv( with PlayStation games some gun ones. He’s on it weds evenings for at least 2 hours, every other fri evening for the same and every other sat and sun for at least 2/3 hours in the mornings, then at some other points during the day. It’s gone on for too long (been in this house over a year, previous house a year too), I have a 5 year old son who I have to take upstairs coz of the games or he sits there but doesn’t get to watch the tv. My partner doesn’t see this as a problem even though I’ve said we either need to make them a games room in our spare room or limit his time more and let us watch some tv on our weekends. Thinking of putting a TV in my sons room (and would limit it carefully) but I know this would cause problems as my sons room has a tv point but his sons doesn’t. Grrr rant over, am I wrong?

Does he dad actually spend any quality time with him or does it suit him to leave him to it?

Kids think the world revolves around them and our TV would be totally dictated by crap Sat night TV (which they want to watch) or X-Box.

We’ve put a separate TV in our back room for the kids to play X-Box, watch what they want. However we do limit it, as they only spend EOW with dad and he doesn’t think they should be sat in front of a TV (which is basically an electronic baby sitter).

We don’t have any TV on during the day, either the kids self entertain or we’re doing something with them. In the evening they can go off and play the X-Box (which we limit) or we sit together and watch TV or a family or turn it off and play board games (my 2 DSC 12 & 9 love frustration, scrabble and trivial pursuit).

I don’t think you should be dictated to by a child (sorry, i’m not from the camp that children come first - everyone is equal) and it’s important the kid is spending time with dad.

It sounds like he needs time limits and it needs to be split equally with your son.
We let my stepdaughter watch what she wants on tv if neither of us are watching but in the evenings we all have to agree on a family film to watch.
She tends to go off playing after watching a twenty minute show and we turn over but if she was watching for a long time I’d start limiting the time; same with a PlayStation.

We only have one tv in the lounge, and that's where the Wii and ds2's Xbox are. If he wants to play on it when there's no-one else around, that's OK, although he runs the risk of having to leave a game half way through if the rest of us want to watch something, (or if I come in and ask if he's done his homework and he hasn't!) If there are others in the lounge and he wants to play, he has to ask. It's give and take, as in any family.

I like your idea of setting up a games room for the two boys to share, but you'll have to get your dp and the boys to agree to some FAIR rules for its use. I would have a family meeting and draw up a charter that goes on the wall in there, so that dp can't wriggle out of keeping his son to the agreed rules.

So what would happen if you said you wanted to watch Emmerdale...? Would your DP support his DS?

Perhaps you can say...you've got 10 more minutes, then I want to watch xyz.

My DP has basically said that as my son is here during the week more then he has the tv on those days eg Monday and Thursday evenings and tries to say that my son watches TV in the mornings but actually he rarely watches TV in the mornings, he’d rather do some arts and crafts or colouring and same after school or a short time on the tablet. So I’m trying to explain that on their weekends when they’re is no rushing around it should be a bit fair, we sometimes watch a movie together and he will sometimes say to his son that we want to watch something but other times after I’ve said I want to watch something on a weekend morning he gets defensive and says it’s his sons time to pay games as he doesn’t have a PS at his mums (he is an only child there though so gets the tv, Nintendo switch and an iPad so hardly hard done by). But it’s causing arguments and I just find it easier to go out with my son on the weekends we have the boys like today spent the whole day 10.30am-5.30pm at my mums. Pregnant too so just want to relax a bit at the mo. I’m not saying he can’t play his games but just needs to share a bit and not hog it for hours and hours particularly when it’s my weekend too.