My partner and I have been together for two years and have been in each other’s kids lives for a year and a half. He has two boys and I have a little girl. The kids are great they like each other, in fact his oldest boy is incredibly sweet with my little girl. He has been separated from his wife of 20 years for over three years, however he is still living at home with Mum and dad, still not divorced as she is refusing to sort things because at the moment he is having to meet half the mortgage every month, he has no spare money, I am a student at university and he can’t afford to come up to see me ( lives 30 minutes away) because of fuel costs etc a lot through the week and I am incredibly busy with uni. So weekends are our time together and every other weekend is our quality time with the children, I have a third bedroom that is the boy’s room and even if their dad is working they come to me on the Friday night and he will see them in the mornings and the rest of the weekend.
The problem is the boys have started football clubs , have matches Sunday’s and other football commitments as well as birthday parties ( which overlap, so my little girl sometimes has to come, sit whilst I take one of the boys to their friend’s birthday party, whilst the other is with their dad at their football match). Yesterday my partner rings and says his ex has agreed to the boys attending another football event on Sunday afternoon. We had made plans to watch his son play his match and then do something in the afternoon, he has told their mum he will take them so our plans our cancelled, he says I don’t get it, that he doesn’t want his boys to not want to come because they can’t go to their activities. I have said to him that we do take them but our plans shouldn’t be cancelled last minute because his ex has given little notice and that it is our time together with the kids that she is dictating what is happening and this is occurring more and more. Now on Sunday we are no longer spending the day at all together as he can’t afford the fuel to drive back and forth. I feel neither myself or my daughter are being considered, but he fees his ex will make it awkward to see them and his boys won’t want to come if they can’t do what they want, what can I do ? I feel as if he is still going to be at Mum and dads, can’t afford anything because nothing is being sorted as he doesn’t want to uproot the boys by going through court with the house etc, is there even a future? When he has said that when I eventually finish university and get a better paid job then we will be fine , why is this responsibility on me? I think his boys are great, they should be able to do things that they are apart of but not to the point when we have the children the weekend becomes about their activities, my daughter is at her dads every other weekend so this quality time with her when I am not at uni as well Any advice please?