Hi Everyone
On here really as I feel like I need somewhere to vent where I can be honest about how I feel as telling my Husband all this would probably hurt him and cause an argument.
Although from reading some other threads, I'm fully prepared I may not get much support and am more likely to be told what an awful/ disgusting human I am as that seems to be what stepmums are branded as as soon as they have any negative feelings! I do see though, that I'm not alone in how I feel and that lots of stepmums seem to struggle with similar issues.
I've been with my Husband 7yrs (married for 5) and he has a son from a previous relationship who was 4 when we got together. I keep waiting for step parenting to get easier and maybe enjoyable/ rewarding at some point but it feels like it only gets harder as the years go on. I feel like surely, after having a relationship with this child from such a young age and spending a LOT of time with him (he spends 3 weeks with us, 3 weeks at his Mum's due to my Husband's job) that there should be some sort of bond or closeness but at the moment I'm struggling to even like him.
I used to find it slightly easier before I had my own children but the shift in how I feel since they came along is huge and I don't know how I'm ever going to get over it. Having my own children who I absolutely adore and would do anything for has only made it glaringly obvious that I don't love my stepson and recently I'm becoming more and more resentful of him.
This isn't me just being some nasty child hating (other than my own) bitch because he was the result of a previous relationship of my Husband's. I realise that at the end of the day I'm the adult and he's only 11 and I need to try and overcome this but he has some behaviours, that of late, I'm just finding unbearable.
As he's getting older he's becoming more and more sneaky, dishonest and manipulative. He's totally unappreciative of everything he gets and is basically spoilt. He whinges and moans about everything and is a total crybaby/ drama queen for an 11 year old (eg. Scraped knees etc). He also wants all attention on him all the time. He's always performing and showing off, making sure all eyes are on him and it's exhausting.
I feel like I can't leave him alone with my 2 year old as he's constantly winding him up. I'll be out of the room for 2 minutes and my son kicks off crying and when I go back in and ask what happened (he can't quite vocalise it yet) I get indignant, wide eyed claims of "I didn't do anyyyyything!" all the while with this cocky grin on his face because he knows he's got away with it.
We've never treated him any differently since my 2 came along. He has his own bedroom here FULL of toys and gadgets. We spend time with him, we play games with him, we talk with him but it's all taken for granted and I'm sick of it. I know kids are selfish creatures but it isn't easy to deal with when it isn't your own child. I'd challenge anybody to live with one of their friends kids for a while and see if they found it straight forward trying to do everything right all the time, being their cook, cleaner, carer all the while having it thrown in your face and at the same time feeling like your own children are suffering due to their bratty behaviour.
I've spoken to my Husband about this many times but I feel he has some sort of a guilt complex because his son's Mother is a bit lazy with parenting/ mothering and doesn't spend much time with him and is rubbish at all the practical things like keeping their house clean etc. She does however spoil him rotten with whatever food/ treats etc he wants so it's not like he's a deprived child.
Recently, just having to have my stepson and his Mum (and all the crap that comes with her total lack of parenting - there's a lot more to this and how annoying that is but that's another story!) in my life is too much and I dread him coming back.
My Husband works away, 3 weeks away, 3 weeks at home and we have stepson for the entire 3 weeks my Husband is home except maybe 1 or 2 nights.
It's like being a single parent to my 2 children for 3 weeks and I can't wait for my Husband to come home but it's getting to the point I dread it now because with him comes my stepson and then all my feelings of resentment and anger come back to the surface.
At the moment I feel so negatively about step parenting that I would say to anyone thinking of getting involved with someone with kids (especially if you don't already have your own) to run a mile. It's totally thankless and just seems to be a long road of hurdles that you never anticipate when you start a relationship with someone with children.
My Husband is the best thing that's ever happened to me (despite how it sounds!) and is an amazing father and the worst thing that could ever happen would be for our marriage to fail but I sometimes wonder if it can ever really work because of all this. He's his son at the end of the day and I know he loves him (and our 2 children) the same as I love mine but I can't help how I feel and don't know how to snap out of it