Summer holidays

[wheresthel1ght]

As anyone who recognises me knows dp's exercise is a bloody nightmare.

However to give background, she refuses to treat head lice, the kids are used as a weapon whenever something isn't to her liking. Ignores what the kids wants and only acknowledges her wants... The list goes on. The kids have asked to live with us but she refuses and we can't afford court plus we strongly suspect they would be coached, bribed or threatened to tow her party line...

So the current quandary involves summer holidays. She has already booked, without any consultation, a 2 week holiday ending on the Bank Holiday Monday. Fine no issues with that, means dd can have the birthday treat she wants rather than having to plan something suitable for them too.

However, she has then announced a further x, y & z days she has booked off during the other weeks. This means that we cannot go away as there isn't a single full week she hasn't booked time off on, and it certainly means we can't book a fortnight which was the original plan. If we challenge it it will cause all out warfare, as will us going away without them. So what the hell do we do? I have left it with dp to deal with and am hoping he tells her she is being unreasonable and we will be booking 2 weeks away with the kids and she will have to deal with itm however...and here is the kicker, to book a fortnight we will be away for dss's birthday which I know she will cause hell about as we were away for it last year.

Not really sure what I want from this, just need to rant I think but dp is at work and if I say anything it causes hell between us as he feels like piggy in the middle.

Arrrrggghhhh pissed off! Was looking at holidays the other night and was hoping to sit down with everyone tomorrow and agree where we want to go (camping in UK)

Apologies the app has deleted paragraphs

@mnhq please can someone sort this out!

The mother wants it all her own way. I hate women who use their own children as weapons.

Presuming you don’t have a court ordered contact order? If so the dad wound her half of all holidays, dates of which need to be mutually agreed.

It sounds like you don’t have a contact order, but the mother should be agreeing dates with you before she books. Not unilaterally deciding (to her own benefit).

I would get a contact order. There’s no rationalising with these bitter women. You can represent yourself - it costs £215. This behaviour will only continue.

There is one of sorts. It was agreed in mediation and ratified by the courts so we are meant to have 50/50 on holidays but she rarely sticks to it.

The kids being 12 & 14 (15 at start of summer) I am not sure a judge would even look at contact orders as they are deemed old enough to decide for themselves.

What is most annoying is she won't actually do anything with the kids on her random days off. They will be at home while she and her brother do diy

Ah, yes, the kids are getting too old for a court order. At that age you should be able to negotiate time with the kids.

My OH does have a contact order but his oldest is now 12 and the mothers hold is lessening.

Can you bypass the mum and deal with the children?

We do try but then she finds a reason to kick off about that to.

This is the same woman who having been told several times by dp that this is our home (never been hers we bought it together) flipped her lid and tried to stop contact because she said that I was unreasonable when I sent her a polite text telling her not to just walk into my house uninvited

She sounds like she’s not emotionally detached. How rude of her to enter your home uninvited, she needs to learn some manners and boundaries.

Bide your time. At that age there’s no reason to go through the mum (which I’m sure she’ll dislike as it lessens her power and hold).

I’m in a similar position - my bitter EW. I don’t get involved and I don’t give her any space in my head. My OH does have a court ordered contact order so it’s diffic for her to pull stunts (she does try).

Will see what happens when dp speaks to her but I suspect ww3 will be the result.

I may just book to take dd away just the 2 of us... Sure there will be plenty of kind campers who will. Assist putting up our tent..

Remember the mum isn’t in charge. The children aren’t hers to control and she shouldn’t be dictating contact. The dad has just as much right.

She’s out of order ‘telling’ you when you can have the children. My OH prepared the 2018 contact order for his kids in December and sent it to his EW with ‘suggested’ dates. It took her 3 weeks to respond (she’s apparently too busy, despite only working 16 hours a week). They are now negotiating a few dates to n the summer. The key is negotion and compromise (not that his EW knows what compromise is) but the reality is these things have to be agreed.

Stay strong x

This is exactly why I said to dp to get things sorted ASAP. I start a new job next month and I wanted to be able to advise of all prebooked holidays but that won't happen now.

She wanted to go away in May but we are already booked for our weekend plus the Bank Holiday which she has known since October when we asked her if it was OK before we booked.

You are right though, it is all about control for her. Which I could empathise with if she wasn't the one who had an affair and kicked him out. I think she hates the fact that me and dp work well together and we parent as a team both with our dd but also with dss and dsd. She also hates the fact that the kids and I are close. For example when dsd was being bullied she told her dad first, he had no idea what to do so he told me and we sat as a 3 and talked about it, what we could do, what she could do, coping strategies etc and luckily it hasn't happened since. Buy exw was livid that dsd didn't go to her.

There was an incident where dss was in trouble at school, he had been violent to another child. She wanted dp to talk to him and cuddle him. Dp and I talked and agreed we weren't prepared to let it slide and reward him. He had his phone, tablet and ds taken away. He was given the bollocking of his life. We made him apologise to the teacher in the class (when told off he stormed out the class) also to the child he was violent to. We also signed the consent form for his detention. His mum hit the flaming roof,. I belie she withdrew permission (was on a night he would have been with her) and demanded a meeting with the edpsych. She tried to get him diagnosed with asd, he has some vague traits but does not have asd. Edpsych agreed with us. Even her questionnaire agreed with us and confirmed he didn't have asd. She was livid