OH has two teenage boys, 15 and 18. I do not have children. I am having real trouble coping with their behaviour and desperately want to find a way through this.
I'll just list what they do and try to be as objective about it as possible to give a clear picture of what happens. They constantly complain and are rude to their DF and me. They don't eat what I prepare, turn up late and don't tell us they are not coming, then raid the cupboards for pot noodles. They won't try anything new that they haven't had before, even if it's potatoes done differently. Their moods change within minutes and they walk into rooms and snap at us. The 15 year old calls me all sorts of names (fat, brainless, stupid, idiot etc) under the guise of humour, but after a while and having it every day, the humour has gone for me. They complain we don't involve them in what we do, but they have never accepted any invite to join us in anything we do, from going round the shops in the city, days out, sport, nothing. We ask them what they would like to do and they say nothing interests them. If we see something on TV or something comes up in conversation, we try and bring them in, they scoff and say they're not interested and walk out. The other evening we were remembering something funny that used to be on TV a few years ago, we brought it up on youtube and called over the 15 year old to have a look too, he walked off and said "I'm not interested in your old rubbish".
If I ask how their day as been, they mumble. If they hear my DP and I discussing a topic, say something on the news, and I offer an opinion or speak from experience, they always try to undermine me and argue against me in a horrible way. For example, I have migraines and had one the other evening and my DP and I were discussing it, he was taking care of me. The sons rolled their eyes and asked what's wrong with me, so I told them, they rolled their eyes again and so I said "just like you, when you get migraines" (the 15 year old does). He said "I don't find them a big deal like you". Which is amusing since he has whole days in bed off school through his migraines and complains of severe pain when he does.
I have tried so hard. I get on great with children and looked forward to getting to know them when I met my DP. This has been such a disappointment, but I have tried to park it and see it for what it is, and make the best of it. But it's every day and it's grinding me down. They bring no delight to me and I now almost cower at the thought of them staying here or coming round.
Of course my DP is upset at what they do, has had soft words of encouragement, harsh words of telling them off for their stinking attitude. They just argue back and sometimes they might get better for a day, but in a flash it all changes and they're back to being rude. They have said they don't think they are being rude and they don't have to like what we like. Of course, we're not saying they have to like what we like, but they have no interest in anything at all except looking at their phones. There is no conversation, no interest in the world around them, no curiosity about anything, just personal insults, moods, arguments and they butt into discussions that are about, let's say music, that isn't what they like and criticise us and it non-stop.
I can't bear it any more. 