Re helping my partner deal with his drug addict son

[WelshJules]

Morning all, I’m new here. I just wanted a bit of advice as I feel a bit out of my depth.

Im a Mum of four children aged from 14 to 22. Ive recently fallen madly in love with a man who has two grown up children. We had both been single for many years so us being together wasnt the cause of the marriage break ups etc.

Anyway his grown up son is a drug addict, has been on and off for many years, he has lost countless jobs, has no home, his girlfriend has thrown him out. His Mum, my partners ex wife died suddenly in October and this has naturally had a terrible affect on him. My partner found out his son had been thrown out of his mates flat where he was living for non payment of rent and he took him back to stay at his flat with him. But his son didnt want to stay there as he said he found it boring so he has gone back to sleep on another mates sofa. He promised my partner he would go to the doctors today and also to speak to social about going in to a hostel but my partner doesnt believe he will do this.

I really want to help, as my partner is at his wits end with worry, he is blaming himself for spoiling his son so much when he was younger. But I dont know what to say to him or what to do for the best. Thank goodness none of my kids went down that road, so im like a fish out of water with this. His son is 29, apparently he has been taking drugs on and off all of his adult life but he is now saying he has depression so we’re worried sick what he will do next. He’s obviously still grieving for his Mum too.

I know he has to want help and to help himself, but can anyone suggest what I can do to help ? My partner is a good man, but Ive sat up with him crying all night over his son. He just feels so helpless.

Has anyone got any ideas of where we could go next with this, Im honestly not trying to step into his Mum’s shoes, I know I could never do that, but I just really feel for him, and for my partner too.

There is nothing you can do. As his dad has found out, even as a parent, there is nothing he can do, so someone who just happen to love his dad is certainly not going to be in a position to do so.

The only people who can help him is himself and professionals. All you can do for your partner is to listen to him and continue to bring some happiness in his life.

@WelshJules - I have no expereince in what you are going through but I couldn't just read and run.

This must be an incredibly difficult time for you and your DP. As a parent yourself you will be able to have some empathy towards the heartache your DP must be feeling.

Blaming himself will be a natural reaction - it's a had habit to break!

You sound like you are in quite a new relationship too so this might put it to the test. But it does sound like your DP has a very supportive parnter in you.

Have you looked at Adfam? They are a charity who provide support to familes affected by drug addiction. They might be worth contacting for some advice and they might be able to point you towards some local support.

Be kind to yourselves. DSS is an adult and makes his own choice. Whilst is is really sad that he has lost his mum, this issue goes back way before that. Grief is an issue in itself - perhaps you could suggest he seeks help for that without mentioning the drugs? He may be able to speak freely about his loss to someone and in time this might give him the confidence to open up about the drug issues?

Good luck