New step mother advice

[Chazza40]

I’d be grateful for some advice. My boyfriend and I have lived together for 3 years and later on this year his 14 year old son is coming over from Oz to live with us for 6 months. I am very much looking to meeting and getting to know him. My boyfriend hasn’t ever had him living with him before due to him growing up in Oz and is quite anxious about being a good father. I would love some advice on how to be a good step mother and any specific advice on rules like screen time etc as I have no children myself and no parenting experience at all. All advice welcome!! Thank you in advance

I think communication with your boyfriend is key and being a united front; talk before he comes about what you expect behaviour wise and then when he’s living with you keep talking so you’re both on the same page with things.
You’ll all be finding your way, step son included so don’t be too hard on yourselves and don’t panic if things aren’t always perfect.

What is the relationship like with his mother? Is it possible to find out his hobbies? What are his rules at home?

Advice...get to know him. Give your partner time to be with him and get to know him again and facilitate that. Simple things like cooking or leaving the room "with a purpose" and leaving them to it and giving them some time. You will fall into a rhythm and get to know him better that way. 14 yr old boys are awkward, remember yourself as a teen!

One thing, have ground rules from the beginning. Don't let things slide because he's new and you want to impress him. Maybe an hour or two of computer a day, get him to help with the dishes etc.

Good luck! You will find it comes to you easier than you think it will!

Buy wine. Lots and lots of wine

My advice would be to be an observer to start with rather than a doer. Remember that ultimately, he is coming to stay with his dad, not you, so although you are of course part of the package, you are not so on an equal measure.

His son will have some preconceived ideas. He might really look forward to making up for all time lost and only see his dad and want nothing to do with you. If that's the case, it's obviously not going to be easy to start with.

Or he might be a very well balanced kid, who's main decision to come is for the experience of living in the UK, with spending time with his dad being a bonus, and looking forward to getting to know you. If that's the case, you might find that he is as happy spending time with you and getting to know you as his dad.

Don't build expectations (nor should your OH) as you could end up very disapointed very quickly and then resent him for staying with you all this time.