Thinking of moving in with DP and his kids but not quite sure...

[FMD87]

Ok hivemind... I'm thinking of moving in with DP and his kids (I also have 2 of my own) but have heard horror stories re blended families on mn and IRL which scare the living daylights out of me! Seems it goes bad 9 times out of 10?! Anyone else in the same position?

Thanks for that, FMD2018 will take a look.

Hi @HipsterAssassin - thanks so much for your lovely words 😊.
Yes they are all teens & while we've had many a bump along the way we decided to go for broke and had some very frank discussions with the kids over the last while.
I'll share as it might help others. Firstly I should say that we are lucky in that I had inheritance which meant I could buy my ex out in our divorce & dp's house is also an inheritance so we can sell two to buy one large - not everyone is so fortunate.
Secondly kids were told that dp & I are a unit, that this is happening but within that how could we make it easiest for them.
My guys said a fresh start & plenty of space. His guys said space & time with their dad. Both said not to be forced to play happy families.
All said bedrooms not so much of an issue; my daughter wants a room to herself, my son wants a room to himself & will share with his older brother when older brother home from uni. Dps guys happy to share with each other as they have their own rooms at their dms.
However, they all want living space so what we are going to have to look for is a bungalow style house with a communal kitchen/dining area & about 3 living rooms! Dp & his kids want space to watch sport & hang out together at weekends. My son wants to still be able to have his mates/band members/gf over & not have to share a living room, & my daughter wants space to hang out with me & to be able to do girl stuff.
I really think space is the major key in blending & I do think if dp & I weren't in a place to get space we'd leave it at having separate houses.
The kids get on just fine but they're very different & don't have the same interests or needs, at all.
For anyone considering blending under one roof I'd say two things;
Fresh start - as in new house,
& plenty of space so everyone's not on top of each other.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and your strategy.. it’s an absolutely massive undertaking, isn’t it! Good for you for going about it in a realistic way. And for having frank chats and getting the kids involved.

And congrats again

Our kids don’t even know each other so it’s sll theoretical for me. But very helpful.

Met his kids after 3 Weeks together. (3,5,8 & 9)
He Moved in with my 3 just over 6 months later
Married 2 yrs later.
They don't have a bedroom each.
Moved house to larger house but still not 8 bedrooms !!!
Horrific decades long contact legal battle. Resulting in residency change for older 2.to live with us.
Younger two now visit consistently EOW under threat of residence change if contact interfered with.

There are no hard and fast rules. We have found ourselves going against the norm at almost every turn through our own particular circumstances. The important key is a very strong relationship and complete consistency with dcs/dsc.

The frills are lovely ie own bedroom etc, but if this comes at the expense of losing contact with their father then it's too high a price. My dsc always chose sleeping on mattresses/blowup beds in shared rooms over staying away from their dad .