Hello...

[Happydaddy29]

Hi, I'm just wanting to ask any other step parents a few questions....

My partner has her own child and she is also a step mum to mine and she is amazing at what she does.... however I am
Worry she is struggling with the aspect of been a step mum.... she doesn't always seem herself when my daughter is around and she says she's fine but I'm really worried she's not.

I thought I heard her upset the other weekend we had her. She was in the bedroom and I asked her if she was ok and she said 'she's fine carry on entertaining the kids'

I've asked her if she loves my daughter and she says she likes her.
Am I expecting a bit too much from?

I really just want ways that I can help her, I know she is anxious and stressed when we have her. I know her too well and I know she covers it up but I just need ways to help make it easier for her. Because she is amazing with them but I think emotionally she is finding it very hard.

[Happydaddy29]

There was no aggression in the post at all... and I'm sure others can see that as well!
I said 3 years ago my pay was a lot higher than it is now.... by no fault of my own that my pay was cut, no overtime to make it up.... it's what happens in the workplace... if you didn't know!! I've said I'm addressing the situation about what I'm going to be paying....
but I think that just because I have a child and now have a partner and step child that we can have holidays and one week a year my daughter will come with us.... oh and yes only a week because that's the court order and she won't agree more

[OutToGetYou]

Unicorn - he has said he's tried to sort it out with the CSA, stop harassing him. You know as well as the rest of the world does that the CSA is useless and won't do anything as long as he keeps paying and the resident parent doesn't complain, which she isn't very likely to, is she?

His best advice would actually be to stop paying so the RP takes him through CSA again and then it would get sorted. But it doesn't sound as if he's the sort of chap to do that and it would not be good for the child of course.

He does need to keep hassling the CSA and then pay a bit more if he can - but they are incompetent, as we all know.

I do think the OP's current DP had a different idea of what her life would be like once she 'hooked' a man. If they are both on fairly low incomes, her part time, and have a 3 bed house, they were never going to be flush with money so I suspect she didn't think it through. It is actually her who needs to make the sacrifices really as it is her who has chosen to study and be part time, but they are a unit and it's reasonable that he should support her, and her child, as he is doing to an extent.

The OP sounds like he does think things through, which is why he posted, why he has a budget, etc.

[OutToGetYou]

My ex's ex would not agree to him having DSS more as she knew (in theory) her child maintenance from him would be reduced. So, rather she just told us each week she couldn't have him, so it was never 'officially' reduced, she was still RP (even when he lived with us full time) and now-ex still had to pay. He knew if he reduced the payments, she would suddenly be able to find a way for DSS to stay with her but it would not be good for DSS, he needed the stability ex and myself provided, and ex also did not want to go to court with all the disruption that would cause.

We were 'lucky', it didn't cause us financial problems as such, as we were both high earners. But I can see how it would do in a home with other children and lower incomes.

[Happydaddy29]

Thank you.... and yes my partner just finds it hard because every month we're struggling and it's hard she hasn't got any outgoings that treat herself, she puts a bit of money aside in a savings for her daughter and that comes out of child benefit as she's saving for her future..... oh wait unicorn...are you going to say that's wrong now? When it's what's she's entitled to for her daughter?!

She never expected me to be financially flush and as she chose to part time study before she was with me, but we had to get a bigger place for both children and therefore he cost of renting is a lot higher than before. And this was BEFORE my pay cut so I didn't know it was going to be a struggle.

No I wouldn't stop paying as she would stop me seeing my daughter and I don't want that to happen again.... but I am on at them and trying to do what's best.... because my partner and my stepchild feel just as much like family as my daughter does.

[Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows]

What she does with her CB is down to her completely but moaning about holidays and such when there’s two dc to support one of which doesn’t live there isn’t very fair to put blame solely on the maintenance. You say again had you previously stopped maintenance before that you didn’t see your dd?

[Happydaddy29]

Sorry did I say she moaned? I said she is stressed because it's hard she knows I have to pay and i have stated that it needs to be reduced due to my pay and because I also have my daughter overnight unlike 3 years ago....

I've never stopped paying for my daughter.... I paid for everything when she lived with me as her mum has never worked and I payed since the day my ex and I split up. I paid even when I didn't see her because yes it's my RESPONSIBILITY too!! I went through court to get access to see her.