Phone calls AIBU?

[jingleberries]

It's just happened again and I'm a tad pissed off. We have DSS EOW and every Wednesday. Also supposed to get a phone call on the NC weekends at 1800 on a Sunday but that rarely happens. When we do get a phone call EVERYTHING gets dropped as DH runs off to chat. Tonight we were half way through a roast dinner at 1900. AIBU to expect him to say 'sorry, eating at moment, I will call u back in 10??' DH thinks I am BU as he doesn't get much time with his ds but I feel if I have cooked a meal and we are all sitting down to eat or we are in a restaurant or something it wouldn't hurt that much to say, I will call you back. Now looking at stodgy remains of dinner gone cold and feeling very grumpy

You’re being ridiculous. In future he can get DS to skype so DH can have the tablet/laptop on the table and carry on his meal while chatting to his child, you can join in too.

YABU. Make your main meal Sunday lunch instead of a Sunday dinner. Problem solved.

YANBU at all. Just because he doesn't live with you doesn't mean life stops. It is perfectly acceptable to say 'can I call you back after dinner?' How will that effect the child? It won't !!

YAB a complete bitch, not just U

YABU My Dad prioritises speaking to me over eating dinner and I am in my 30s!

YAB completely U. You get him a lot more than his DS does for gods sake. You get to sleep in the same bed every night. Grow up and prioritise his child.

Well in this occasion, I disagree with most and think you are not unreasonable at all. How old is the child? Surely it's not that difficult to arrange calling time around plans, so if you are eating at the same time every other Sunday, then your OH can arrange for the call to take place at another time. If it's a routine call, don't see what is so bad at saying 'sorry darling, I'm eating dinner right now, can I call you back in 20 minutes?

Of course different if the call is to discuss something important/urgent but it sounds like it's a common problem.

If the call is scheduled for a set time on NC weekends then your OH should be making the call, not sitting there waiting to receive it. You know what time the call is and you can plan around it. Is the call court ordered? If so it’s a a set time and the mother has to make the child available. I suggest you OH leads this and makes the call himself and you can plan around it.

My OH gets 3 calls a week with his children (he would love to do more but the mother won’t ‘allow’ it). These 3 calls are court ordered and precious to him. The mother would never ‘allow’ the children to call the dad (even though court ordered) so dad makes the call. It’s at 6pm and I don’t plan anything at that time as I know how precious the calls are.

Is dinner more important than a call with a child that dad misses? No it’s not.

Children come first, even before your nice sit down meal and only time you get to spend with DP all week..

YABU

Children come first, it takes no effort to pop a plate in the microwave...anyway it's his dinner not yours.

You had the whole weekend to spend time together, he got just one phone call with his DS.

Hi @jingleberries - what age is your dss?
I'm a bit confused by this as I don't really understand why your dh can't call his child when HE likes?
My dd txts away to her dad all the time & my dp calls his kids every evening on one of their phones.
Why is the call scheduled?

YANBU..calling back in 10/15 minutes is totally normal..I would find DH rushing off, leaving dinner I cooked quite rude..

Its sad that you view your partners relationship with his son as an inconvenience. I would certainly expect my dh to prioritise speaking to his son who he only sees occasionally, over eating a meal with me, the person he sees every day.

DSS is 10. My DH is not 'allowed' to phone their house but there is a court order stating that there is to be a phone call at 1800 on Sundays. As for spending time together at other times we both work in retail and tag team our shifts to cover child care for our twins ( 9 mths). One of us tends to work Sunday day and so Sunday nights are our 'night off'. And yes it's only twice a month but the other two Sundays are taken up with him dropping DSS Home and they have dinner out on those nights.

@Magda72 - i have the same question, but I know from experience that motheres sometimes do restrict contact (it’s a control thing on the mothers side).

I have 2 DSC, they are now 9 & 12. The mother ‘lets’ the children see and speak to their father the bear minimum. My OH the father has a court ordered contact order and it’s a constant struggle.

My OH bought the oldest a mobile for her 11th birthday and asks her to phone and text him. The mother still restricts. We are hoping as the kids get older the mothers hold will lessen.

Personally I think parents should be able to call their children when they want to. Sadly it’s too much of an inconvenience and it’s a way of exhorting power and control for some bitter EX’s.

Im in a very similar situation to you. And I'm going to say, suck it up. This is what you signed up for when you had children with someone who already had a child. The phone call was already an hour late, who is to say that they would have been able to call back in ten minutes? In a toss up between you and his son, your dp will always choose his son, and that's the way it should be. Wouldnt you put your children first? If you lived apart from your child and saw them occasionally, wouldn't you grab every chance to speak to them? I know i would. In fact id be worried if my husband was the sort of man to prioritise sitting and eating a meal over talking to his non resident child.

@Jingleberries - if the call is court ordered the mother has to make the child available at the time stated. I suggest your OH writes to the mother telling her that he will be ringing the landline or mothers mobile at x time for the court ordered ND contact and that the mother should make them available. Your OH needs to lead this and make the call.

My OH has set the alarm in his phone to go off on a Tue, Thu and Sun at the allocated time do not to miss the call.

@jingleberries - my dp had similar with his kids but once they got their own phones there was nothing exw could do to stop him getting in contact with them.
My ex bought our dd an iPod (he has an iPhone) when she was 10 (I didn't want her having a phone for various reasons) so he could iMessage or FaceTime her & it's worked very well for both of them.
Could your dh do similar & take control of contact away from his exw?
The situation must be very hard on your dp but I can also understand your frustration when the call is supposed to be at 6 but ex will not honour that.

Well you aren't going to get much alone time anyway then with 9 month old twins! Strange how it's the non resident child being blamed.

Well you aren't going to get much alone time anyway then with 9 month old twins! Strange how it's the non resident child being blamed.

It's not you dss's fault that his mum is controlling and won't let him call other times. It's not his fault he doesn't live with his parents full time. It's not his fault his dad chose to have children with someone else and now has to work opposing shifts. The late time of the call probably isn't his fault either.

Let this one go, you have infant twins, it's going to be years before you get to sit and have a hot meal together in peace. I'm sure with him having an ex who messes with contact there are bigger battles to fight.

It's two calls a month and in the grand scheme of things isn't worth getting your knickers in a twist over.

DSS is 10. My DH is not 'allowed' to phone their house but there is a court order stating that there is to be a phone call at 1800 on Sundays.
Changing my views then! If your SS calls at 6pm on Sundays as per the court order, why oh why are you doing dinner to fall on that time? It almost sounds like you do it on purpose!

I understand that it is your only time together etc.... by surely arranging dinner for 7pm is not going to be a big trauma to your family. Surely if it is court order you can understand why it is essential that your partner sticks to it or he is at risk of being accused of not following orders of the court, and the repercussion of this would be much worse than missing out on your dinner.

swing DSS does not call at that time. Someone, I'm assuming the ex, calls at 7. Approx.
If your meal is adults only, speakerphone sounds like a great solution. Or if the DTs would be reasonably quiet. Or indeed if your DP does FaceTime and the DTs can wave to their brother.
You'll be finished eating before the 45 mins is up and he can carry on talking one to one.