Any more happy step parenting stories?

[Grimmfebruary]

Always makes me sad when I see people struggling to bond or struggling to blend their families.

Not bashing people! Just wanted some nice positive stories :)

Like this morning 7 year dss slept until 20 past 9 (unheard of!) and now we are sat watching a film eating sausage sarnies. :)

Sounds lovely and cosy! Have no direct experience, but just wanted to say enjoy your day!

I met my SC 16 years ago. Genuinely never a cross word with DSD and only a minor amount of teenage sass with DSS. Really nice kids, like them loads now they're young adults. They get on well with their little sister.
One of the big things that I think has helped this happen is that DH and his ex wife get on, they have always been civil and considerate to each other and put the kids interests first. They also chose partners willing to be kind and caring to their children. Money was sorted out and contact arrangements were fair and stuck to.
It's not always been easy, but I've always tried to ensure the kids think of this as their home and are always welcome.
I was visiting a friend in the town where DSS now works and he came out of his way to meet me for a coffee. I was touched.

Oh it is a shame that there aren’t more responses. It probably shows partly how very difficult it is, especially for SMs.

I do still cling to the idea and hope that someday we’ll get ourselves better equipped to deal with step families, I’m talking to Dads and Ex wives in particular - if they both supported a SMs role then I think a lot of kids would gain a lot of much needed stability. I believe most SMs do start off with a lot of compromise, compassion and put the work in, just get ground down.

I know, I was hoping to see some nice stories! It took a lot of time and love to get to where we are and it’s been worth it.

Glad yours and Beamurs is good, hats off to you both it’s not easy. Hope you get some back up in your role too.

I totally second @Beamur. My kids get on great with my dp & their sm. I honestly think this is due to me & my ex being able to co parent in a civil manner. Things aren't always easy & we are by no means best friends but our relationship (or lack of) was dealt with & we are now just parents (to each other).
On the other hand my dp & his exw do not have a good relationship at all and as a result I have a very weak relationship with his kids as they (& their dm) are still stuck in 'first family mode'.

Step mum here

Met my dsd just before she was 2, my husband met my son when he was 5, since had two more together. 11 years later we are a strong little unit. We've had our ups and downs, but the kids are as close as "full" siblings. DSD lives with us currently, and i love her to pieces. Yes we get teenage stress but overall i can't complain they love helping with the baby, and chip in on chores now and again. It can be hard work, but we are on good terms with the ex's which does help.

I love DS1s SM. Honestly for her own sake I hope she gets away from my XH (now her DH) because she deserves so very much better, but selfishly I know DS1 is ok when she’s there and she does most of the childcare/cooking/making sure DS1 is ok.

Don’t know if this helps as we are a bit further down the line...but my DSM is no. 1 favourite granny. We all go on holiday together too. And I never lived with her either.

I absolutely adore my DP's three year old son. He has his own special nickname for me as he can't pronounce my name, he'll ask for me on the way back to the car when his dad's just picked him up from his mum and he loves to play 'kitchens' with me and we chase daddy around Tesco together as we can't keep up with him!

I know this thread was a few days ago but just wanted to add to it. I met dsd when she was 3.5, 8 years later she's nearly 12 and we get on so well. she's a lovely girl, always has been. She's now getting the teenage sass but nothing too hard to deal with (yet) plus she's a great sister to dd and loves being around her. Her mum and my dh don't get on great but are civil. It's just a shame that when she asks to come to ours on a certain day she gets told off by her mum for asking because 'it's not your dads day to have you' which does upset her. We just try to make it lovely for her when she's here and have family time - which she loves, and we all miss her loads when she's not here.

Hey I have one big blended family
Together OH and I have 5 kids! It is coming up to six years now and all the kids treat each other like full siblings.

We treat all of the kids the same; and it did not matter if they live full time or part time they all have to follow the house rules! And we expect respect to be displayed at all times.

The girls are very close and spend most of their time together even when it’s not our weekend. They are often out and about enjoying being teenagers with freedom! With the youngest DSD they try and include her but sometimes it’s not possible due to age limits.

The boys are also close there are a few years between them but my DS loves his little DSB and you can find him taking the time to show him how to do something.

Now I am not saying that life is perfect; we have had the hiccup every now and again but the kids nearly always manage to sort the issue out without the parents swooping in.

Our kids also have a good relationship with my ex husbands family. I have a civil relationship with my ex and the kids SM. We are considerate to each other and put the kid’s interests first. I know that most people find this strange but you can often find us doing big family days out together so the kids can be with all their siblings.

We look like a mob that are about to overtake the place! But its memories that all the DC can look back on with a smile.

I would like to have this kind of relationship my DH ex wife but she is not one to reason with. She has done too many things to excuse and in the process upset the children and tried to cause problems with our family unit, this includes lying to the police and trying to stop my DH from seeing his DC. I know she spits feathers as she know of the relationship between my DH and ex husband; but it is the way it is I am afraid.

I guess you just have to count your blessings and glaze over the drama. We are doing our best for the kids and that is all anyone can ask. Just keep showing the love and respect and, I believe, you will receive it back.

I love my blended family and would not change it for all the tea in China. It was hard work and for a couple of years I thought about giving up. I am so glad that I stuck it out.

I wish everyone all love in the world – regardless of what type of family you have.

I married my husband when my children were 7 and 11. I spent years arguing defensively if my husband even said a bad word about anything they had done. I think I didn't trust that he loved them as much as if he was their birth father.

Fast forward to adulthood. They adore their stepfather more than you would believe and he loves them completely. They refer to him as their dad (although they use his first name as their own father is still around) and they choose to spend time with him, often just them and him.

I have written this in another thread, but I hope the spirit of this will excuse repeating (apologies if not). I love a good news story 😊

My Ex’s OW (should stop calling her that 😹) hates my 10yo, it was a bitter break up, and DC saw Ex and OW kissing whilst we were still together, and she constantly lists my faults to DC, I have never badmouthed OW to DC, but they cannot abide each other, I don’t see it getting better as she hits teenage years!

When I first met DH he is PWC of two little ones and his DS was just awfully behaved in my view, they had no table manners, would use words my DC didn’t (“bum”, “idiot”, “stupid”, “shut up”), he shouted a lot, gets angry, and is quite destructive. I was embarrassed to go to restaurants with them, as they couldn’t just sit and eat nicely etc

However ....

Now, (3 years on) I actually really love him, he has chilled out, but so have I! He is loving and sweet, he still gets angry and shouts, but that’s his way of dealing with emotion and frustration, his manners and temper have got so much better (on another subject I think earlier bedtime and less sugar did that!)

So, basically, now I wouldn’t choose to be without him, I would at the start, am not proud of myself for that, but neither am I ashamed, things sometimes take time, I’d never had a boy before, and I hated how loud and boisterous he seemed against my girls. My DC were perfect in my eyes now I realise I was a twat

What I’m trying to say is ... a lot of people on here say you must leave any relationship where you “dislike” the DSC, and I considered it, but sometimes it can work round. DSS and I now have a great relationship, I am the strict one, he knows he can’t get away with being rude or aggressive with me, but also I have learned to bite my tongue and give him a break. I now enjoy his company, and he mine

With my own DD (20) I disliked her for most of her teenage years! kids aren’t always likeable

Despite meeting DP 3 years after his ex left him for another man, I’ve had the ‘full stepparent experience’ including supporting dp through a court battle for contact & having to involve the police over harassment of myself/family by his ex-w! So mostly I’ve felt pretty negative about stepparenting

BUT

DP & I are getting married in Oct & dss (9) is very excited and happy

AND

dss gave me a lovely birthday gift this weekend & when I said ‘you’ve spoilt me’ he said ‘well that’s only fair because you spoil me & daddy all the time’

So (for now at least!) I’m loving stepparenting.

Almost 18yo dsd split up with her bf of 1 year a few weekends ago. She doesn't live with us but we're close (I've been in her life for 14 years), although hadn't seen much of her in recent months due to said relationship with bf.

She went out on the lash, got plastered, was sick on herself and called us at 9.30pm to go and collect her as she wanted to stay at ours and said she just wanted a hug. I sent dh to collect her with a care package (sick bowl, tea towel, bottle of water), ran her a hot bath, made a cup of hot sweet tea, washed her clothes and lent her something to sleep in, contacted her mum to tell her she was ok (she lives in a village 10 miles outside our city) and that we were taking care of her. Nice reply from her mum, big hugs and "I love yous" from dsd, 7yo ds got to spend some time with his big sister again ("I don't like your ex bf any more - he's mean. I love you.")

For the past two weekends she's stayed at ours (we live in a city so it's more convenient for her social life!) and gone out with friends, and it's been great having her around again. She's raided the fridge, put her makeup and general teenage mess all around the spare room etc and clearly sees the place as a weekend crash pad. Fine by me - takes me back to my youth, when I'm sure me and my sisters must have driven my parents mad with loud music blaring while we were getting ready for a night out.

She's in a happier place again now and we all feel a lot closer again. And dh's relationship with his ex has improved a huge amount, as we're sharing the teenage load which also takes a little pressure off dsd's mum. It also means 14mo dd gets to know her big sister more.

The only downside is that I feel like I'm turning into my mum ("You'll catch your death in that, where's your coat? Stay together, be safe, have you got your key, don't leave your drink unattended, look after each other. And is that makeup all over that bedding?!")

She's lovely. A teenage nightmare too, but I'm pleased she feels so at home here.

Now if only I can get her to be a little quieter when she returns from the pub....