Getting maintenance from mother

[Norfolklassie]

We have full care of my partners child due to the child’s wishes, following a breakdown of relationship with the mother. Child does see the mother four days a month - not overnight, the one overnight spent with mother, there were issues and we had to collect child early.

The NRP (mother) is insistent that she is giving us maintenance, she has told the child she is paying us £xx a month for her, but..... we have not received a penny - now it has emerged that her view is that as my partner is no longer having to pay her maintenance, and we are collecting child benefit that is her money that she is giving to us as we are better off by hat amount every week..... she is adamant that due to this she will not be giving us any maintenance as she is already going without this money, and anyway she can not afford It. This is not acceptable as my partner paid maintenance without fail and she constantly requested extra money for clothes, trips, clubs, additional expenses etc which he always paid.

We have tried explaining that she is not giving us this money, that it was money she was paid for her child which she is no longer entitled to - she now needs to contribute to Dad for her child’s upkeep, the same as he has always done for her, we need to see actual money being paid by her.

Is it worth continuing to try and explain it to her or just contact CMS as by the sound of it a family arrangement is out of the question.

Just go through CMS, it doesn't sound like she'd be receptive to talking about it.

CMS

I agree with lunar1

Go online to CMS and they will say what she should pay depending on the time the child spends with her and her income. Get them to contact her and they will explain. Then you can decide if you want to do this between you all or get the CMS to do it.

Another one agreeing that CMS is the way to go. I see her reasoning, but she's stopped thinking before the logical end.

Try explaining again. It must be hard on her that the child chose to live with you; particularly because 4 days per month sounds quite low contact.

How old is the child and why did the relationship break down? Do you think if she saw the child more the relationship could improve?

Go to the CMS she sounds like she only sees things from her POV and she is wrong on this.

You should be receiving child benefit (I wound get that changed) and as you are the RP she should be paying maintenance to you. I’m sure if the shoe was on the other foot she would be screaming blue murder.

I wound firstly write to her asking the child benefit to be changed to you as RP and ask her to pay the required maintenance. You can check the level she should be paying here:

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

I would inform her that if she doesn’t respond back within 5 working days you will be pursuing the matter with the child benefit office and the CMS.

Apologies, just spotted you are in receipt of child benefit - so ignore that bit

Hi thanks for responses, CMS is the way forward, although she is saying she is self employed with no income although has turned down contact with the child to go to work, which seems odd if she isn’t even getting paid... do CMS as for proof of income?

the main reason for the breakdown was school refusal, and this was causing most of the fallout. We were of the view we would take on getting the child to school which would help the child and mother get on better without the pressure of daily challenges, we want the child to have a good relationship with the mother. we would be happy for more contact, the mother has chosen every other weekend, but the child refuses to stay overnight as she gets sent to bed st 6.30pm - the child is 12. Arguments previously have also turned physical on both mother and child sides, and the police and social services have been involved and have said if she moves home she would likely go onto a multi agency plan. The main issue is that mother is blaming everything on the child and not looking to change her own behaviour. She treats the child as a much younger child, say 5 or 6 years old.

We have not had any behaviour issues or school refusal in the five months we have had full care.

Do you receive the CB direct, or is it pod to her, then she passes it onto you? To go to CMS and be considered PWC, it is a lot simpler if you can show that you get CB

Yes CMS is your only option, I had the same, takes all the stress and dialogue away

*paid to her

Sorry, just saw your update ... the CMS can go direct to HMRC and get the taxable earnings for the year prior, as in the case of my Ex, I would guess they can also see if she’s admitting to be working so she can claim tax credit etc and get a revenue figure from there

I don’t have experience of self-employed calculation, but I have read on here that it is extremely problematic. However, you have nothing to lose, if she’s already giving nothing!