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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

1 year on and skids mum wants to move over 200 miles away.

2 replies

timmyinatizzy · 24/04/2007 12:07

Can't believe how quickly a year can pass. Brief story is that 2 and a half years ago my dtsd's were placed on the at risk register by Social Services whilst living with their mum. Their dad and I worked with SS and their mum to make life better for all the kids (their mum also has one younger child by her new H). We got them into the good primary school where we live, which enabled mum to get a move closer to us. But about a year ago, it was quite evident that she and her H were not coping. We suggested that they stayed with us for a month so she could get herself sorted before the next Child Protection Review Conference. Which she agreed to. Within a few days of this arrangement, SS basically said that they would be recommending that this be made permanent. At the Conference my skids mum agreed to this and her solicitor said that there was no need for a Residency Order as everything was amicable and as my dp had PR it would be a waste of time and money.
We had a few hiccups to begin with but life settled down for my dtsd's. They went to school regularly, in fact all the time!, were able to have friends round for tea and get to see their mum being happier most weekends. It was quite difficult for me and dp too as we both work full time, luckily our employers have been very understanding and still are.
Along the way though my dtsd's mum has thrown a few obsticles in the way. She still won't agree to put my dp's name on the birth certificate. There are actually known at school as dp's name-her married name (double barrelled nightmare!), but because she can't have her new married name on the certificate she won't let dp have his. She hasn't paid a single penny for maintenance, we've never asked but she's never offered either. (Previously my dp paid her weekly and bought the majority of their clothing). We have to giver her money/food when the girls stay at hers for any longer than 3 days, both her and her H are on benefits and she says they cannot afford to feed the girls aswell! She is also in her 3rd house since the girls moved in with us in one year. From being a 15 minute round trip to an hours trip. (and neither of them drive, so we end up picking them up/dropping them off). But to top it all off she has now told us she is moving north, over 200 miles away and expects us to meet them half way? Had it been the other way round and she had the skids and me and my dp had moved over 200 miles, do you think she would of agreed to meeting us half way? I don't think so.
So I just want advice really. I know that the still need to see their mum and younger sister, but logistically its a nightmare. Does anyone else have to do this for their kids, step or otherwise?

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 25/04/2007 21:16

Why don't you and your partner apply to have your stepchildren live permanently with you? Since you seem to be shouldering all the responsibilities.

KaySamuels · 16/05/2007 12:47

I notice it was the mum's solicitor that said there was no need for a residency order. He was working in the mum's best interests not yours. Does this mean if hypothetically you dropped them off 200 miles away in a different (social services and education) area, and she said she wasn't giving them back you would have to fight her for them? I would be very wary here, and think you need to have something formally agreed whether she moves away or not.
As for the kids names, my dps two eldest boys have their mums names - my dp was initially very upset about this but now he realises that the bonds he has with his kids and the love they have between speaks to people far more than their surname. Our family unit has three different surnames, confusing on holidays and things but no big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Also well done on being such a supportive partner and stepmum, I really admire you!

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