The short version: I moved in with DP about 4 months ago, and we have his 11 year old son 2 afternoons a week and 2 weekends a month.
His son is LOVELY – a real sweetheart, and the three of us have been figuring our way through our new setup gently.
SS (who was co-sleeping with Dad before I showed up) moved into his own room with no fuss, has been really welcoming to me, and on the whole, despite my panics about it all previously, I think I've been super-lucky.
Here's the thing: I live in Spain, I'm learning Spanish, and SS doesn't speak much English. He's picking up a LOT being around me, and I think understands more than even he realises, but doesn't speak much in English (gets embarrassed), so I"m not quite sure how much he understands. I practice my Spanish with him as much as I can, so we communicate in 90% my broken Spanish and 10% English when I really can't find the words.
This holiday season I've been home alone with him a fair bit in the evenings, as DP works nights. And guiding his behaviour in Spanish is hard for me. Last night I came into the living room to find him standing on the TV cabinet, about to jump onto the sofa, in socks. I told him not to, to get down from the furniture, explained briefly why, and as I turned to leave the room he jumped anyway.
I'm not a parent. I've never been around kids until now. In my own language I'd be able to deal with that kind of thing fine, I think, but I'm just not quite there yet in Spanish. And in the back of my mind I'm nervous that my lack of dexterity with the language will mean things come out too harsh or blunt, so I bit my tongue and didn't follow through.
I explained what had happened to DP when he came home, with a smile, in the context of "SS tested my boundaries for the first time tonight", and I heard him talking to SS this morning about it in the other room.
I really appreciate DP supporting me in this, and at the same time I can't help but feel a bit like the tattling babysitter, rather than the adult.
So I have a few questions for the experienced folks here: how would you manage situations like this as a new part of the household? Should I have followed through after he jumped? Is it not that big a deal? Have I damaged his respect? Does me not being present to explain things with his dad afterwards undermine my role?
And is there anyone else out there who's step-parented with a language barrier? I'm doing everything I can to learn as fast as I can, but I'm also a real stickler for the subtlety and power of language, and I don't want to screw up....
Thoughts, advice, general guidelines super-welcome :)