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Step-parenting

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Trying to bring DP and DS together

5 replies

Stacy07 · 25/12/2017 10:21

I’m really struggling. I’ve been with my partner a year, I’m 10 weeks pregnant due to failed contraception so please I already know it was too soon and wasnt planned. My partner was happy with the pregnancy and was always something he spoke about and wanted. He is very head strong and has worked away most of his life so he is used to taking care of himself and maybe takes a while to realise other people’s feelings but I know he cares deeply for me and is trying to build a future for me and my son and his thought process and intentions are good but not always his practise. He’s not used to children too much and I don’t think he quite knows how to treat kids as such and I feel he talks to my child as an adult sometimes. DS hasn’t been quite himself although my partner has been working away so I don’t see it having been the problem but on first meeting since coming home it was in my eyes a disaster but I am an anxious person and a worrier and perhaps very over protective of DS. It just seemed like I was refereeing two children. He would say inappropriate things about my child’s behaviour when tbh he wasn’t doing much wrong just trying to carry on, play fighting which dp started but would get annoyed if DS got too rough but he’s only 6. Saying things like he’s been bad and needs tell mummy he loves her etc and when I was explaining this isn’t way to go about things although I know he’s trying and looking out for me he just gets defensive and on a whole “I’m trying and I’m being ganged up on, I can’t do anything right” although I think slowly it sinks in when he’s left to think about it! I was just so happy before and thought this is going to bring our family together. Now I’m scared to tell DS about the baby and I’m honestly questioning if it’s a good idea! Does things get better. Are they just learning about each other or am I making a huge mistake!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 25/12/2017 10:27

It doesn’t sound great, and must be very confusing for your son

Stacy07 · 25/12/2017 10:41

It doesn’t feel great. I just hoped it was something step families went thru learning about each other till it settles but maybe not then

OP posts:
swingofthings · 25/12/2017 14:30

As you say, you've done things too quickly. Nobody can tell you if it is likely to get better or not because you haven't given the chance to get to know your partner well enough to know what kind of step-father he would be, nor a father. Sometimes it gets better, other it gets worse.

Only you can decide what to do next, but today is not the day to think about it. Enjoy the day with your boy, it's what Xmas should be all about.

Stacy07 · 25/12/2017 15:06

Thank you, my son was having his time at his dads whilst I posted obviously with a lot in my head but away to make the most of the day now and try not worry about it. I just want the best for him so it was on my mind but today is about enjoying our time and I’ll see what the future brings

OP posts:
lunar1 · 25/12/2017 16:59

Just don't let the baby force you to rush any other aspect of your relationship. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you would have to live with him. You need to see if they can build a relationship before you try and bring them any closer.

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