DP worried his DC won't come over as our LO wakes at night and this wakes them

[FirstNov2017]

DP And I have a month old LO. His kids stayed over last night. He's worried about LO crying at night and waking them. He thinks this will make them not want to stay over anymore. Well it's not like we can turn The volume down. Aibu to think they shouldn't be entertained if they decide not to come and come anyway? If his ex had another child, it's not like they could leave the house or move in with granny.

Anyone have/had an issue with this?

Depends how old his kids are.
When I was a child, I slept like the dead. Nothing would wake me at 1am

I expect they will sleep through it. DD1 is in the same room as dd2 yet never wakes despite middle of the night shrieking

So yes, they should come. Also, they might actually like the baby.

Have they said anything to him? Odd thing to stress about unless there have been something said. How old are they?

8 and 13. They have stayed once before this time since LO has been born and made comments about being woken up by the 4 am feed. Their parents won't make them come if they don't want to for any reason so DP misses out on his weekends with them. I don't think it should be an option not to spend time with their dad unless they have parties or family events to go to but I don't have a say in it.

Contact time is contact time. This shouldn’t be a reason for the children not to come.

How many weekends are they supposed to have? Have they already been stopped coming by their Mum?

They're never stopped by their mum. If they choose not to come neither parent makes them. They come every other weekend. He thinks they won't want to come if they get woken up occasionally.

Its not an acceptable reason to stop contact. Your DPs attitude is strange..what are you supposed to do?? Its a newborn, he/she will wake up A LOT in the coming months..his DC shouldn't really have a choice...in a full family they would need to adjust to a new sibling.

I think he is trying to tell that he does not like his sleep disturbed and it maybe one of reasons why he is not with his ex any more

How does he see sibling relationships forming if they are never together??

God knows. Him and his ex have never made the children be with him on his weekend. No matter what the reason, if they say they don't want to go, they don't have to.

8 & 13 year old children aren’t old enough to decide if they want contact. That’s an adult decision your OH & his EW are putting on a child.

He needs a schedule and to stick to it. Children need routine and boundaries.

Letting the kids decide = road to disaster.

In my experience it’s older kids disturbing the baby - not the other way around! I don’t think it’s a good sign that your DP is wanting his older kids to have to be prioritized over the baby either.

You stick up for what the baby needs, he’s set up a silly situation with his kids that will spoil them and make a rod for his back.

If they are forced to visit when they don't want to... that will create resentment and put him under pressure to entertain them.

I can't see them forming much of a bond with their half sibling ... unless they have a real desire to.

Maybe with time they'll be interested...but one month is still so young.

It isn't visiting though - it should be the dc just at their dad's /other home. Under teen age it isn't negotiable imo/e.

They won't see it as their other home though realistically.

They would see the brownies /scouts/swimming/other leaders more often than they stay with their father...so of course it is like a visit.