Taking step children abroad

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

Next year DH and I are taking DSD and DSS on holiday for the first time with us.

We're off to America and I've read that we may need to take some proof that their mum is happy for us to take them- has anyone had this and if so what does it need to be?

We all have the same Surname so how will security know they aren't my children? I'm trying to work out what the level of risk would be if we diddnt have a letter from mum?

You have just exposed the absolute idiocy of the checking system as it stands OP!!!

I would for your own piece of mind take a letter.

My EX - same surname as DCS never gets asked but then rarely saw them and they did not live with him. Me, Mum full time parent, chief snot scrubber, bottle washer, child care etc etc who did not change her surname when she got married gets asked to prove my parenthood everytime but only when I come inot the country, never on the way out!

Not helped by the evil OW who reported me as an abduction risk to Immigration, because I could afford to take my DCs on holiday after she ran off with EX!!!!

Take a letter.

Thanks @lifeandtheuniverse it's our intention to ask their mum for a letter but She can be a bit challenging sometimes so wondered what the risk is if we end up without one.,

DD1 goes to Florida every summer with he dad, and they get asked every time for proof of permission from me. I wouldn't risk going without it.

I’m a SM. My OH has children (and they all have the same surname). I have a different surname. We’ve travelled to Europe together and never been asked for a permission letter.

My guess would be the HR would be stricter.

If the mother is going to be difficult, get a specific issues order from the court. Or threaten the mother with getting one.

My OH’s EW has formally approved holidays and then withheld the children’s passports (this is despite a judge ordering her to hand the children’s passports over 2 weeks in advance). A specific issues order has solved this problem.

It’s a last ditch attempt at control on the mothers part.

We currently don't have any type of court order in place, I really hope we don't need to get one.

The US immigration website provides sample documentation that they may ask for. My ex is very difficult about travel abroad. Again he is dad with the same name and the inherent sexism in any of these policies means that he is never stopped whereas I am again always on the way back into the UK. So I bother with documentation and he doesnt.

I followed the US guidance to the letter. I was determined that our holiday would not be ruined by us being refused entry. My ex was threatening to report abduction and all sorts. I just ignored the crap and sent all details to him with the form that seemed best for him to complete. It was flight details, accommodation, emergency contacts etc. So pretty sensible stuff.

The children went to America last year with their Mum (different surname) and DH wasn't asked to provide anything to show he was OK with it and no one blinked an eye.

The system is so bizarre isn't it.

The system sucks and is completely irrational and completely on the whim of which ever immigration official is on for the day. Some are sensible others are complete cocks!

I travel alot and did when Ex and I were together - never once got asked.
Now it is constant and the wanker on the desk can make up the rules on the day, i have been asked for:
birth cert - had it
then wanker asked for my marriage cert - did not have it - sos gave me a lecture about unmarriede mothers, culture

Another time birth cert, marriage cert, proof of address, lecture on my morals, his right to take my children away from me, for their safety etc etc.

Eldest DC is now old enough and not just interrupts and says - why don't you ask me, she's my mum - do you have a problem with it. Last year wanker then tried to tell him he was protecting him!! DC replied yes but you enver ask my Dad and I do not live with him, he is not British and his family live overseas.!!!!

What pisses me off they can see on the screen , I left the country with them and am now bringing them back into the country and having been doing that for years.

Either make it compulsory but do not say it is voluntary and then berate people.

More kids are abducted by their father, who have the same surname but don't worry immigration will not question them because having the same surname means you are less likely to abduct a child!!!!!

Apologies for rant seriously sore subject in my household.

How old are they? I think the younger, the more likely they could ask for something. One year, we took a friend of DD abroad, that meant 5 of us travelling, 4 different surnames (only my two with their dad's name), no one asked anything. On return, my kids went to my mum, so the friend came back with OH and I, which could look even more suspicious, but again, no questions asked at all. We had a letter from her mum though just in case.

They are 16 and 13 when we go.

Sorry to read about you that have all had troubles. The system seems flawed.

Obviously we have asked the ex for a letter, if she doesn't give one though is our concern.

There you go swing - the rules are not rules they are up to the whim of an immigration official, making it impossible to know what when where how.

Canada says letter and means letter - I travelled to Canada with:

Me- born in one country, passport different country, Surname X
DC1 - born in second country, passport different and different to me. Surname Y
DC2 0 born in third country, passport different and same as mine, Surname Y
Cousin 1 - born in 4th country, passport different and not same as me,
surname Y
Cousin2 born in 5th country passport different and not same as me
Surname Z

SO 5 birth countries 4 different passports and 3 surnames - 3 letters.

The guy just looked went just explain - my 2, cousin 1 on Dad side, cousin 2 on my side - sorry we are a nightmare. He read the letters and did not even check the passports - laughed at a challenge and joked with all the kids!

Honestly they won’t ask if you all have the same race and surname.

So racist and sexist in the main!

Thanks- that's one less thing to stress about then.

Has she raised any objection about the holiday?

My DB has taken the DC away with his second wife and never been questioned.

I think they assume she's their mum. I travelled with them once and no issues presented.

Take a letter anyway. My dad took myself (23), my brother (15) and my sister (14) on holiday to Spain. My sister has a different surname to us all as she isn't my dad's daughter and coming back into the country she got questioned about her age and how she knew us. It didn't help that she also looks very different to us- we're all dark haired and brown eyed and she's blonde with blue eyes. It was very unpleasant.

Their mum is happy for us to go, she's just got a bit of history for being difficult when we make plans.

So for my own sanity I'm trying to think ahead to what the risk would be if she decided then to much us about.

My husband, DD and I are both surname X, my DSDs are surname XY. We always take a letter with their mum's details and signature of consent. It has all the accomodation, contact numbers and passport info listed so that's good for all to have. Ours needed to be witnessed too but it wasnt hard to do.

I have kids of two different nationalities and passports, but same surname and often traveled alone with step kids different surname but never asked!

System sounds very erratic.

Get a letter and take birth certificates - should be fine? Although worth checking official channels.

I have travelled 6 times with my child in the last year. Child has a different passport and surname to me. No questions ever asked.

To add to the anecdotes...dd and I frequently fly without dp, same name, same nationality. Am often asked for a consent letter. The uk gov has recommended it for years, and to travel into some countries it's an absolute requirement. It has nothing to do with different surnames, though obviously if your children have different surnames you are more likely to be checked. It's to do with a child NOT travelling with both parents and it's to prevent parental abduction across borders.

I absolutely understand why it's in place.

I just don't know his passport control would know that these children aren't biologically mine.

I have a different surname to DS as never married his Dad and Thomas Cook tried to stop us getting on the plane for our holiday!! No problem at passport control, just the airline. His Dad was luckily at home and not at work and had to email them a copy of his birth certificate, it was so stressful! Get a letter for sure!

Does their mum literally just have to write a letter to say 'I'm xx and xx mother and I'm happy for their father to take them out of the country?'

DH diddnt give her anything the times she's taken the children away. She said she had their birth certificates just in case she was asked but no one asked her anything.

@LegallyBrunet my DSC's are the spit of DH. It's very apparent when you see us all together that I'm not in the gene pool!