Blended families and Christmas traditions

[SweetEnough]

Advice and experience much appreciated.

Incase you haven't heard Christmas is coming !

This will be our first Christmas in the same house together, but our Christmas traditions are totally opposite! As dsc aren't here on the day, we've worked all but one out.

So for the tree...

I always let my kids decorate the tree, my dd(7) loves it.

Dp on the other hand, always decorated it while his kids were asleep, to see the joy on their faces when they got up.

I don't want to exclude his kids (5 and 6) from decorating day but, I don't want my dd to miss out and be disappointed. There would be no joy from her if I did it without her

We only have space for one tree!

Wwyd?

Put the sc to bed earlier and let your dc do the tree whilst they are asleep?

Oooh, thank you mrssapphirebright I hadn't thought of that! My dd would love to stay up late to do it, it would be extra special for her! The mini grown up she is.

I will suggest that to dp, but I think you have answered my conundrum. for you.

I would double check with your dp that they definitely don't want to decorate the tree though. You don't want any jealousy with them knowing your dc decorated the tree and they didn't get the choice.

I will, it's so hard finding the right balance and I think it's sad that they've never done the tree, so wanted to include them.

We always made a big day of it with Christmas baking, hand making special decorations etc.. We're still doing all that the sticking point is the tree.

He's not totally adverse to letting them do it he's more concerned that 4 under 8 will turn it into chaos, and to be honest he'll miss them coming in in the morning.

I want them to all do it, but your suggestion is a good compromise if he doesn't.

Or all the dcs could help decorate, but leave switching on the lights for the morning? Either before, so it's a surprise, or after they wake up in some sort of ceremony. I think, if it's going to be a tradition, something that will last, the younger ones will soon resent not staying up to help decorate.

If it’s your first Christmas together you have the opportunity to develop your own traditions. Not adopt your OH’s old traditions or do yours. Develop your own.

For example, my SC have always had an artificial tree. My OH and I prefer a real tree and we make an afternoon of it, taking the children to choose the tree and then they decorate it when we get home. The kids love it and seem to like the fact that both houses are unique.

Thanks all for your suggestions, we did it all together in the end. Mainly because I didn't want his dc to miss out and feel like they aren't part of our blended household.

He ran away (to the shops) and left us to the chaos! But they all had a great time making and hanging decorations themselves.

Sounds good.

I’d set up some traditions for your blended family this year. Small things, don’t make them a big deal, ones that will grow and help make you feel like you have your own unique way of doing things. Great for kids and step siblings to bond.

I did things like - always had a Christmassy weekend and meal the week before. Not turkey. Get kids to help decide. For all step kids and kids. Make it special. Have crackers. I used to get us all to get each other a present secret Santa - so only one person buys for one. Smaller kids get help. Game afterwards. TV movie.

Have an outing that you do that day. Simple is best. Seeing the lights with hot chocolate. Or drive around looking at houses.

Amazingly, I did this with my very unbonded and difficult step Family - and in the later years even my very frosty step daughters started to tell me ‘but we always do it like this... ‘ etc meaning ‘we’ as in ‘us’! Warmed my heart.