Step children and presents

[Peachyking000]

I’m interested to hear other people’s opinions on this issue. I have one DC (11) from a previous relationship, and I have been with my DH for 4 years. My DC has no contact with his late father’s family (a whole other story).

DH has several siblings and they all have 2-3 children each. Everybody, including us buys birthday presents for all our nieces and nephews, but none buy for my DC’s birthday, only for Christmas.

I’m not being grabby, I hope, as my DC wants for nothing, but am I correct in thinking this is a bit rude? I can’t imagine if my sister had a step child, that I would blatantly leave them out like this. My DC is likely to be my DH’s only child, due to health issues.

"Only the uneducated swear" I actually think that's one of the most stupid things I have ever read.

If I were you...I wouldn't use my money to buy your DHs nieces and nephews anything... if it's not reciprocal.

Reading on MN I've noticed the tendency for mothers to expect their children to be treated the same as blood relatives.

It's nice to think of them...but I think they are often forgotten. My DH has a step niece and tbh...he seems to forget about her.

"only the uneducated swear as they don’t have the vocabulary to express themselves"

sorry but that is fucking bollocks :)

I wouldn’t be buying their children presents thats for sure!

Might be a silly question but do the family definitely buy for each other's nieces and nephews at birthdays? I.e. are they definitely leaving your son out? I'm just wondering if they only do Christmas for one another and you are the only Aunt /uncle doing birthdays as well?

Did your DH buy for these children before he met you?

I would stop birthdays presents now for them.

Sorry just reread your message so yes it does sound rude that he is being left out. Very rude! Not sure what you can do other than ask your DP to mention it?

I agree that if they do buy presents for Christmas but not birthday, it's not that they don't care or making a point of excluding but more that they don't have the birthday date set in their calendar. They should, but forgetfulness is different to nastiness.

Maybe they don't really care to receive presents for birthdays. Some families feel under a lot of financial pressure to buy presents to everyone in the family, especially both Christmas and birthdays, so if I were you, I would continue to buy for Christmas, but birthdays can be a little present or note from your OH only, if he wants to or nothing too.

So if you married someone with kids and you considered those kids part of your family, you’d accept the rest of the family saying “nope, not for me”?

Yes, of course I would. Because that is their choice.

You know there is an idea these days that everyone can blend their families, acquire step children and other relatives (and unacquire them again) and everyone else is supposed to just fall into line and immediately feel the same. Your son/brother/whatever moves in with a woman with three kids and you're supposed to just say they are your grandchildren just the same as your actual grandchildren and if you don't you're a nasty cunt?
No, doesn't work that way. And I say that as someone who was the step child, who often also don't want these relationships forced on us. My stepfather was not my father, and his mother was not my granny, his sisters were not my aunts. Hid children were not my siblings. They were perfectly nice people but they were not my family, and I got sick to death of people trying to insist they were.
Stop imagining that everyone has to feel a certain way because of the choices you have made in your love life. It's arrogant, its controlling and its unhelpful.

I dont think buying a present for a child makes you be their granny/relative? Its just nice to not leave a child out.
I love my children and if they decided to create a blended family I would do whatever I could to support them in that, That also means accepting a child, Not leaving a child out, It doesnt make me a granny it makes me a decent person with morals who takes care of the feelings of my family and the child.

And not buying one doesn't mean you aren't. That's my point, don't be so bloody one size fits all about it. Your way isn't automatically the one way to do it.

Neither is yours tiny, Like I said everyone has different morals and standards as the way they treat their loved ones, I for one would like to avoid upsetting my loved ones for the sake of a present, If it makes them feel happier and the child feel happy I would be willing to buy a present.

The question of not leaving a child out when it comes to presents is a recurrent features on this forum. Are kids really as bothered as we assume they are? A genuine question because I don't remember counting whether my half-sister had more presents than me (although I'm pretty sure she did), and my kids have also never mentioned anything about presents their step-siblings or half receives. They don't even compare between themselves.

I think it would be quite innapropriate if both kids went to someone house and only one of the kids got a present in front of the other, but otherwise, does it matter so much? In the case of OP, does her DS even know that his step-dad nephew are receiving birthday presents from him and his mum?

Agree they are being cunts .... Actually this post has just reminded me that my DH family don't bother with my DS birthday.

My DS is probably not in the least bit bothered about being left out, and has never commented on it. I’m sure he knows that we buy presents for DH’s family though. I think it’s me who noticed it, as I just thought it was rude of them. They are also a family of non-thankers when receiving gifts, but that’s another thread!

We have a his, mine and ours. My family treat his son as one of our family. His family do not treat my son as one of their family. He was 6 (now in his 20s) when he came into their lives and I know my parents have left a legacy in their wills to all their grandchildren equally including DSS. I am pretty certain this will not even cross ILs minds even if they were minded to leave money to GC.

My DS doesn't even get a card. It used to really annoy me but after all this time I have now accepted that it is each to their own and don't send them cards either! The first time I didn't send MIL a mother's day card it was commented on! I said Oh I didn't think your family did cards, after all you didn't send DS a card for his birthday last week!

What utter bum holes!!
I have a DSD, my brother buys her birthday and Christmas gifts.
My BIL has 2 DSD's and we buy them birthday and Christmas gifts.
They are family.