Moving in together - am I being unreasonable?

[Wheresmycoffee2]

My boyfriend and I have been together around 2 years. We both currently live at home with our respective parents, and have been frantically saving to move out. We both have full time jobs and earn essentially the same amount. He has a 5 year old daughter, whom I have known for about a year and get on really well with. Daughter is from a one night stand and relationships with daughters bio mum are reasonable.

We live in a very expensive part of the country, have saved a reasonable amount each, so have started to have a little look on property websites and discuss what’s affordable, etc. In any normal circumstance we would be looking at a one bedroom flat, get our feet on the property ladder, live there for 2 years and then look to move somewhere bigger. As he has a daughter already he wants to look for a 2 bedroom flat. Which is obviously fair enough. I haven’t bought it up as I don’t know how to broach the subject (I might add we are both relatively young, I’m 22, so I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to in similar situations). Every time we discuss finances it’s only ever been a 50:50 split. Is it fair to expect me to pay 50% when, If it wasn’t for his child, there is no way we would be looking at a 2 bedroom flat. I personally don’t feel I should be expected to pay (a lot) more when it’s not my child. I also feel that if I mention this to him he will get defensive and accuse me of not liking the child or something along those lines.

Am I being unreasonable? What would you do in my situation?

You're in the wrong relationship. His daughter and him come as a package, deal with it or leave them to get on with their lives. You sound awful?

Seriously, what it wrong with some of the posters on here?! I hope you're not as nasty in real life!

Why would you think it's OK to post this to a 22-year-old asking for help?

I split up with my ex for the same reasons as you're suggesting. Ex didn't want to contribute half to the household as they didn't see what they should pay towards DD. So, food bills wouldn't be split equally, TV package shouldn't be split equally (as there were channels which DD watched which ex didn't watch). It went on and on and was completely untenable. If you move in with your partner and his child, then you need to pay towards that child. Your income will be taken into account in the future for things like student loans - you're considered a family unit, whether you like it or not. You're either on board with him AND his child, or you're not, in which case you should walk away.

If your buying then I think it's fair to pay 50:50
Considering it relationship is fairly new and for fairly young ....If your renting and he insists on the extra room then possibly he could pay a little extra?

People are so rude on here. Try to look at it as an investment.

FreckledLeopard although I agree that not splitting the TV subscription's a but much, where does it end? Should the SM-to be be going halvsies on the children's clothes, their laptops, their school fees? There's a line somewhere, the couple just have to find it together.

Also, just because you're paying unequal amounts doesn't necessarily mean you own unequal amounts- you can split that however you want using a deed of trust.

well if it's your property what are you losing here? so you have a second bedroom to buy, you have a second bedroom to sell. tbh you might want to have a think about the whole step mum thing not sure if you've got the hang of it.

@Wheresmycoffee2
Paying 50/50 for the mortgage is okay as you will own half of the property. Same for bills too.. as his daughter isn't living with you full time.

I don't know what great additional expenses his DD will cause that concern you.

If it's things like holidays..... or clothes for her..school uniform etc..... he should pay for his daughter... especially as you aren't married.

You don't have a parental responsibility to her in that sense.

I think ignore the step aspect for the moment. If you can afford half and will then own half then I'd go for that. If you cant afford half then work out what you can afford and go from there.

Have you discussed how you will own the property, i.e. Joint tenants/tenants in common and the ramifications of what that would mean if one of you died? If you go for tenants in common you could end up having to move out if your DP died (if he leaves his share to his DD) so definitely something to think about.