Paying for dsd holiday

[pinkhorse]

My dp has a 15 year old daughter who lives with her mum full time. We are in the process of moving so we have room for her. He pays full maintenance.
We have taken her on 2 holidays this year, her mum has taken her on none (she has been on 3 with her bf this year).

Dp’s ex has asked us to contribute to a holiday for dsd next summer with her friend and her friends mum. We were happy to do this until we were told the price. The cost is £900! So we are expected to pay £450. We cannot afford this as well as moving house. Plus we expected a Holliday to be somewhere cheap. I don’t know where they’re going where a 15 year old costs £900 plus spending money (which we’d need to contribute to as well) but this is more than we’d pay for our own luxury holiday every few years.

What do you think? Do we scrape the money together to pay for this? He has another child and I have another child so dsd is not an only child.

I don’t think the fact her mum hasn’t taken her on holiday is relevant to you paying anything towards it or vice versa. If she was taking her away and she wanted you to pay half then that would be a clear no but she is going with her friend.

However, I think the two sets of parents should have communicated whether they could afford it before agreeing. That is if she has been told already if she can go. If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it end of really.

If they are going for two weeks and it’s all-inclusive it could be £900. It depends where they are going. Saying that, It is a lot of money to pay but I guess the good thing is you’ll be going half. But again only if you can afford it and if you can’t I’d make it clear to her mother that maybe she should consult with you first before agreeing to something so her daughter won’t be disappointed and blame being attributed to her dad and you.

Dp spoke to dsd yesterday and she is very angry with him for saying he won't pay. He's now the bad guy and he's worried it's going to kill off their relationship and he's going to lose her.

Could he sit down and teach her some stuff about finances by working through with her your family budget in terms of rough idea of income/outgoings/cost of your own holidays/cost of moving house etc so she understands that you're not just arbitrarily saying no but literally can't afford it?

Personally I wouldn’t have an issue with her mum asking you to contribute half the cost of a holiday she’s going on with a friend.

Like a PP I first thought it was contributing to a holiday with her mother, to which I would not have agreed (you pay for her when holidaying with you and vice versa).

I think the issue here is that it’s been “agreed” without your consent and obviously the cost - which sounds incredibly high (even for all inclusive) for a week in Turkey.

I think my first step would be to contact the friends mum and get more details on the holiday - where exactly are they going and check the prices. I’m probably going to sound a bit paranoid but at that price I’d be worried about subsiding someone else’s holiday.

If it’s legit then I think you can either say well we can afford to contribute x amount and tell DSD she needs to save up for the rest or knock it on the head. Be honest that it’s just too expensive - no-one else in the family is going on a £900 pp holiday. If her friend had been doing something cheaper then you’d have been happy to contribute - but you can’t dictate holiday choices to them and simply can afford what they are proposing.

Of course she’ll be disappointed, but you can’t give her what you can’t afford.

Your DH needs to sit down with her and explain that he’d love to be able to do this for her but it’s not being mean, it’s about not having the money.

I don’t think the fact her mum hasn’t taken her on holiday is relevant to you paying anything towards it or vice versa. If she was taking her away and she wanted you to pay half then that would be a clear no but she is going with her friend.

I would normally agree but in this case it seems OP has a set-up where each parent takes SD on holiday in alternate years, and it's not their year so therefore they haven't budgeted this money to spend on a holiday.

OP, tell DH not to worry too much, I'm sure I would have thrown a fit if my parents told me they wouldn't pay for me to go away with my friend too! It's just an unfortunate reality of life that you don't have endless money to spend on her and she will need to realise that sooner or later.

I know DH won't want to upset her but SD needs to appreciate that you just can't afford it.