Paying for dsd holiday

[pinkhorse]

My dp has a 15 year old daughter who lives with her mum full time. We are in the process of moving so we have room for her. He pays full maintenance.
We have taken her on 2 holidays this year, her mum has taken her on none (she has been on 3 with her bf this year).

Dp’s ex has asked us to contribute to a holiday for dsd next summer with her friend and her friends mum. We were happy to do this until we were told the price. The cost is £900! So we are expected to pay £450. We cannot afford this as well as moving house. Plus we expected a Holliday to be somewhere cheap. I don’t know where they’re going where a 15 year old costs £900 plus spending money (which we’d need to contribute to as well) but this is more than we’d pay for our own luxury holiday every few years.

What do you think? Do we scrape the money together to pay for this? He has another child and I have another child so dsd is not an only child.

Not a chance in hell. She should be working in some capacity at that age if she wants lavish holidays.

And assuming her Mum isn't planning to take her away next year, as she didn't this year, then she can finance this holiday for her daughter that she agreed to.

Agree with the sensible PPs, you pay for your holidays with her, DM pays for hers - or she can offload responsibility and send her abroad with other people, but she still pays for it.

Don't be a mug. Or let DP be guilted.

So don’t pay it then....

I have no idea what your DSDs Mum is like so please don’t flame me but is the full price definitely £900 or is it more like £500 and the Mum wants your OH to pay the lions share? I only ask because my OH has paid for a few clubs and trips where he was told he was paying half but on ringing the school or club he discovered he was paying the full amount or two thirds.

You are having a laugh.... no way would I advocate you pay any money towards the holiday.

Moving house is a massive deal. Of you can't afford moving house and a holiday for dsd she can't have the holiday. If you want to offer a compromise, do. I would eg it be dsd's birthday and Xmas presents, if she is mad keen to go.

Is she crazy? You can't send a teenager to turkey! But yes, just tell her you can't afford it.

That is a lot of money!

Her mum has agreed that she can go and now she’s asked us to contribute half so we’re going to look the bad guys when we say no!

No-the Mum will look stupid as she should have checked with you before agreeing (on your behalf) that you would pay 50%!

What did you say when the Mum told you this? Have you already agreed?

Myself and exH have both been away this year with our kids, it never even occurred to me to get him to pay part of my holiday

People are suggesting that the Mum is trying to get OP and her H to pay for her (the mum’s) holiday with the daughter-but I don’t think that’s what the OP says, is it?

The daughter want to go away with a friend (and the friend’s mum) without her own mum being there. Am I right, OP?

I would guess that in this sort of scenario, the mum should have said to the Dad, ‘DD has been in invited away with her friend-the holiday costs £900-can you pay half?’ BEfOrE agreeing!

I would say no.

I would say no. The mother should have asked if it was financially okay with you both to pay £450, and if not she should not have agreed for the child to go or pay it all herself.

To clarify, dsd has been invited to go on holiday with her best friend and best friends mum. So dp's ex is not taking dsd on holiday next year.

It has been working out that every year we take turns in taking dsd away on holiday. As we did it this year it would be ex's turn next year. Dsd doesn't want to go on holiday with her mum (doesn't like her bf) so would love to go with her friend.

We genuinely cannot afford this and to move house as well. Dsd also has an older brother who didn't get this money to go away with his friend when he was that age so worry that it's also unfair on him.

I think it would be reasonable for DH to be given contact details for the friend’s Mum as she will be responsible for his DD during this potential holiday. He should contact her and find out as much information about this holiday as possible - where they are going, what hotel and package, who they are flying with and how much it will cost in total. He should then do his research before making a decision.

I strongly suspect that the holiday is NOT going to cost £900 and his ex-wife is scamming the full cost out of you.

...also, if it is her year to take DD on holiday, why is she not paying for it? You payed for last year’s holiday...

Could it be that her mother doesn’t want to pay either and chose this way to not look like the bad guy herself? Decisions like this should be made by both parents. It’s totally unreasonable of her to commit her ex to such a large financial outlay without discussing it with him first. He needs to speak to her about this as it likely won’t be the last time. Teens these days have expensive pursuits and no teen has any concept of money.

I initially read the post as DM asking you to contribute to HER holiday with her DD, in which case it's an obvious no, but on rereading I see it's not that, so more complicated.

It's an issue that "together" parents wouldn't have as they can jointly deicide whether they can afford to send DD on the holiday or not with full knowledge and equal stake in the family finances. Here things are so much more muddy and complicated.

You possibly made an error agreeing to contribute to the holiday without making your limitations clear. As it is, I think the best thing is to offer to contribute what you can afford (or less than half), and say you simply don't have more cash to offer with the cost of living and holiday this year, both of which were/are to DSD's benefit.

If you could help DSD find babysitting hours or a weekend job to help raise some of the money that might be another nice thing to do.

That should be ie less than half, not or.

And cost of moving not living. Must proofread.

I wouldn't pay for it, that's way too much.

Also DSD's mum shouldn't have agreed without consulting your OH if she was expecting you to pay half.

We are all in agreement that dsd should get a small job when she turns 16 in the new year however dsd is not so keen.
She definitely wouldn't do babysitting as she hates children and ignores any in the family.
We haven't agreed to this holiday at all yet.
We really can't afford it as we hadn't planned to spend holiday money on dsd next year as it's her mum's turn to take her on holiday, and We're moving house.

• We are all in agreement that dsd should get a small job when she turns 16 in the new year however dsd is not so keen. She definitely wouldn't do babysitting as she hates children and ignores any in the family.*

Absolutely her prerogative...

but every decision has its consequences...

Just say no. She sounds over-indulged as it is.

£900 is two weeks all inc in Turkey or £500 self catering plus spends. How much is her mum contributing towards?

The holiday is a week in either turkey or the med. I guess it's all inclusive as the holiday total is £900 plus a little spending money. This is more than we pay for our own holidays!
Dsd mum suggested splitting bill in half.
We have taken dsd's friend on holiday (within the uk) with us the last 3 years and paid for her ourselves.
Dsd's mum said that these don't count as holidays as they were in a caravan.

Off course they count as holidays, you still have to pay for a pitch, food, entertainment! Just say sorry cant afford it, you should have checked first before saying that she could go.

Dsd's mum said that these don't count as holidays as they were in a caravan

Well... what DSD mum says on this is immaterial. You can't afford £900 for a holiday you are not taking AND also move house.

Something has to give. DSD can find the motivation to contribute, if a holiday is not good enough incentive for her, what is?

OP please say no to this request.

SD's mum has no right to promise your money away like this, and you can't afford it. Please don't be pressured into doing it.