So upset with the ex right now

[TwoDots]

Thank god for this forum sometimes. I'm fairly outspoken and if it weren't for the advice on here, I would have called her already. Instead I'll rant to you lot

It's such a long story but the ex is having a hissy fit as my DP won't drop everything when she says jump. This morning she tried to call him (once). Apparently there's a red mark on DSD face and she wanted to let him know in case the school calls to pick her up. Fair enough. He was on his way to work on his bike so didnt answer, so it resulted in her calling his mum angrily then texting abuse as he didn't answer straight away.

She then called him again and was horrible! Said he's not interested in his DD etc then went into say she's signed her up for clubs after school and it would have been nice if he'd shown interest. DP had no idea about these clubs, his ex never contacted him about it and DD not mentioned it either. Why did she not just text and say can we discuss clubs instead of having a go at him for not contacting her about it?

I don't get it.

My DP is so down. He does 50/50 and never lets his DD down. He's a wonderful dad

TooDots

I really would try and take a step back as it seems to me that you are letting her bad behaviour hurt you. Don't let her bad behaviour affect you so.

I completely understand where you are coming from. My oh ex wife behaviour is identical to your OH ex.

She, too, has been on a number of holidays with out my SC - too many to count over the last five years. We have taken all our children on holiday - but the one time I arranged a trip away (our honeymoon) she flipped out. Calling us selfish and many other horrible words.

I just reminded my self that my DH and I deserved this holiday and that we had always done everything in our power to talks the kids away.

I am lucky - in a way - on one hand I have managed to create a good co parent relationship with my ex. Something I never thought possible due to the out and out hatred we had for one another.

But with help (and we both accepted it and was willing) we turned it around - and now we have happy kids who can not use either parent against each other.

But I also have the other kind of relationship. My DH ex is unbelievable. I did try and build a working relationship with her and tried to help but ended up being stressed out and upset.

Because she believes that she is the perfect mother, even though she leaves her kids at the drop of the hat, disregards their feelings and hooks up undesirable peoples (drug addicts)

I feel with this kind of person it is best just to let them get on with it. Protect yourself (mentally I mean) and let her get on with her negative ways.

After all this say more about her than it does you.

Thank you for understanding swing

I agree fully that they were too involved. I have tried my best to ask for boundaries...I'm lucky in that my DP has listened to me

I only know about her holidays as it's DP who has had to support her. She tells him where she's going and why...he couldn't give a damn and wants her to back off s bit . We both do

I do not get involved with her. Of course I know about what is going on as my DP tells me. We tell each other everything and help and support each other

I have stayed away from her...actively. When I try to remove myself from drop offs, she will literally let herself in the house or complain she doesn't see me enough. She called me once and I was not impressed

I have really firm boundaries. I am respectful, and fair. I have asked my DP to implement some. I do not get involved at all as far as she's concerned. I want a separate life to her. But I will support my DP and have a whinge on here ;-)

So anyone with an opposing opinion needs to be shut down and told to butt out?

Charming.

That's exactly what these boards are for.

I do give up actually. This is not a fair or reasonable place. You are all welcome to it.

I will talk to my DP again. I think he does rise to it. I've told him if she's calling to row then to not answer it

I agree, she's finding the adjustment of having so much of his support to much less really hard

Bananas, thank you for your input. Always welcome here as far as I'm concerned

So anyone with an opposing opinion needs to be shut down and told to butt out?
Banana, you're the one whose been telling people on a number of posts to ignore what I say because you don't like what I post. I personally don't mind your posts, even if we are as opposite views as can be, I do mind when you say that my views are not worth taking notice off and then become aggressive.

I haven't told you to butt out, you're the one whose been telling me to do so!

Swift the problem is that literally no matter what any SM says you imply it always their fault and never ever the fault of the Ex. Sometimes Exs are unreasonable with no justification for it, some are vindictive and some enjoy the drama.
Also it's ok for people to use this board to moan about how difficult it is to be a stepparent without having you (who isn't a stepparent and literally have no clue how incredibly difficult it is) constantly sticking your oar in. Unless you are in the situation of stepparenting then you really are clueless.
I am a parent who's child has a SM and a stepparent and the two are incomparable. Living both lives is a real eye opener and makes you have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses to try to help parent a child that isn't theirs.
Bananas I'm with you on this one.

But swing had had a Step parent, her kids have a step parent and she was a step parent - how much experience do you have to have to post on this forum.

I am an SM and my kids have an SM - who gets to say who is qualified to comment

Justtired my kid has a SM, I had stepparents - nothing compares to actually having/ trying to parent a child that isn't yours. That's what qualifies you to comment.
Unless you've walked in those shoes then you lack the ability to truly empathise with that position.
She was a stepparent hey? Wonder why she's not anymore? She makes no reference to the kids she supposedly helped parent, only ever her own children's experiences from the POV of an annoyed ExW.