OK I am here for a rant and advice– so please don’t flame me. This is just me, one lady, spilling her guts out.
I have a great co- parent relationship with my ex and his wife, but my OH has the complete opposite with his ex. There is a lot of bad blood between them and I stay out of it.
My DSD is of an age where she needs her mum’s attention lot (teenager!!); she longs for her mother’s attention. But she does not get it and gets pushed aside, even more so when a new man was about. Between BF she was more interested in going out. No her mother got into a new relationship (we think it stated beginning of this year) and how now announce she plans to marry him soon.
My DSD is not really happy about this as he is only 8 years older than her – but her mum seems to be happy so she goes along with it. The new BF is very needy and demands all of her mother’s time and gets annoyed if my DSD, or the other SC, tries to have one on one time with her.
She has tried to talk to her mum about her feelings; she has spoken face to face, sent texts and has even written her a letter. All this got her was her mother telling her that she needs to grown up and that the BF is here to stay and her feelings get pushed aside. My DSD is very sensitive and has little confidence and this is hurting her.
My DSD and OH have a loving relationship and she goes to him to vent her own frustrations about her mother. My OH tries to help by talking to his ex; but as stated before, they don’t have a great relationship and it ends up in a slagging match. Her mother’s sister has also tried to help my DSD by talking to her mother and then end result of that is that they now they no longer talk!!
Now I do “mummy/daughter” days with my own DD. We have days out and have a natter. Now My DSD sees me doing this and gets upset because her mother won’t do the same – or she promises she will and then does not follow through. So I try when I can to involve her in our experiences as best I can – BUT I know that I am a nice second best and what she really wants is her mum - I totally understand this. Now we have being doing these days over the last five years now and both girls (and me) really enjoy then – but they are changing – no more little girls stuff (build a bear) but now meals out and makeup! This weekend it was just me, the OH and SC. And my DSD asked to have a girly day with hair and makeup. I agreed and we were in my bed room getting all glammed up. My DSD looked amazing – so grown up. When her dad saw her he decided we looked so beautiful that we had to go out to dinner to show us off!
Here is the thing that has left me between rage/fury and upset/near tears.
When her mum picked her up later that day; she ripped her to pieces. She made fun of her makeup and hair. Then laughed at her when she said she thought she looked nice. She said that she looked like a clown and will be, I quote, washing that muck off later”. Then asked my OH why did he let her out like that. My OH intervened and asked how could she be so belittling like that to her own daughter? Can’t she say one nice thing about her? The ex wife looked at DSD and just shrugged and got in her car.
My DSD face timed her dad later; she had been crying and she is now asking if it is possible to live with him.
Please believe me when I say that she looked lovely; she had very little make up on and her hair was beautiful – she was not overdone for her age.
I am a spitting feather’s over her mother’s behaviour. I know it is not my place to say something, and I am so pleased that I was inside when this was going on – because I have no idea how I would have coped seeing that. That girl’s confidence was sky high and her mother smashed her down. Why? Why did she do that? Do you think my OH should say to her to move in with us? Or should my OH once again try and talk to the ex about her behaviour and the impact it is having on their daughter? Has anyone else been through this?
Or does anyone have any advice on what my OH should do next.
I am desperate for your help.