Childless step mum help

[Fluffles14]

Hi. So you have a clearer picture of the whole situation. I've never been a very maternal person. I'm the kind of person you hand a baby to and I look like the worlds most awkward human being. I have no clue and I just don't go all goey.

. A year and a half ago I met my OH and he had a 6 year old. she liked me straight away. I however found it ridiculously uncomfortable. She wonderful and I honestly beat myself up constantly about it but when I'm alone with her I feel so uneasy.
I've tried to push myself but I find myself wanting to stay longer at work or go out somewhere else when I know he has her.

I find it hard to bond with adults let alone children. She's so amazing she wants to hug me all the time and runs over to me when she sees me getting all excited. My OH gets very frustrated that I am still uncomfortable but he forgets she is his and she isn't mine. I'm trying but I've never had my own and I've never been around children. I don't know how to discipline. He expects me to just do it all.

Also she still has a baby bottle and a pacifier and it really winds me up it he won't listen when I try to talk to him about it. I'm worried she will get bullied.

Any help or advice would be amazing as I'm trying so hard but getting nowhere

I am in a similar situation to you. I have no children of my own, nor do I intend to. I do like babies, and I find it a lot easier with my very young nieces for some reason. But maybe that is because I have known them from the beginning?
I'm not a touchy feely person, and I don't gush over babies/children (or anyone in fact).
When I met my partner his son was 6. He is now nearly 10. I do feel awkward with him, especially when it comes to discipline. DP tells me I am equal to him, but I worry about getting it wrong. And he has criticised me before.
I tend to shy away from discipline because I'm not comfortable with it, and I sometimes feel like DC doesn't listen to me anyway. Like all kids, he can be frustrating at times, like when he thinks he knows the answer to everything!
He's a lovely kid, and we have some interesting chats when I have him alone, it is a little daunting though.
Your SD sounds nice, she has clearly taken to you well. With the pacifier , you may just have to wait it out, she will probably grow out of it anyway, or just use it as a comfort in private. Personally, I wouldn't have criticised his parenting, some people do get very upset if you do.
You might never be on the same level as he is with her, but I believe there is still a lot you can bring to her life. Do you have any shared interests?

Thanks for your reply. I'm the same as yu with my own family babies. I have two nephews and bonding with them is second nature. Do you think it also has to do with the fact your own family has the same sort of morals and rules as yourself?

I've not really got around to actually disciplining SD as I'm worried about upsetting her. She does step over the line a few times and I kind of joke it off. When I've spoken to my OH he doesn't understand my issue at all. I've tried to be open and honest about it with him so we can work together but no luck.

Hi thanks for your reply.
I am in the same boat as you with my nephews. I automatically bonded with them. But maybe it's because they are in my immediate family perhaps? I think that's why I put so much pressure onto myself bonding with her.

As for discipline, I've not really got round to actually doing it yet as I'm petrified of upsetting her. What if I do it wrong? She over steps the line on occasions and I just laugh it off. Basically I allow her to do whatever she wants when she wants and just joke tell her off. My OH doesn't seem to understand my issues. I've tried to discuss so we can work as a team and he has more insight on raising a child but to no avail.

We go on a lot of days out together and we have fun. I think I just struggle with when I come home from work and he kind of makes me take over and goes and does his thing and leaves me with her. And I end up resenting loosing my time. Which is ridiculously selfish. But it's a massive learning curve to go from nothing to 6 year old on a blink of an eye. I'm worried that maybe I just shouldn't be with him as I can't make myself selfless.

The passifier isn't as much of a problem is as the baby bottle. I agree I shouldn't have said anything but it's just a little embarrassing when we are out on days out and she is drinking from a baby bottle. Everyone points at her and whispers.

I want so very much to feel like she is mine but I'm finding it all very overwhelming and feeling really depressed that I'm not getting there

I wouldn't stay with a man who forces me to be involved with a child I am uncomfortable with. It won't get an easier for you, he'll just expect you to get 'better' at it.

Kids aren't for everyone and someone else's 6 year old certainly isn't for ANYONE else.
Plus the pacifier and bottles are just weird. He's not a great parent if his 6 year old still uses them.