My kids are monsters, his is an angel grrrrrr

[StrongerThanIThought76]

Just back from a week away with dC's, dp and his dd. Every single thing my kids did that wasn't perfect behaviour was jumped on, shouted about, yelled about. Everything his did wrong wasn't even noticed. Even the stuff done exactly the same as mine and just minutes after. I discipline my kids (but obviously not sufficiently to his standards) so he always jumps in, yet if I have a go at his then I'm the bad guy. His other child has been caught in some actual illegal activities earlier this year but it's all been brushed under the carpet.

We don't live together but have been together for a few years.

How can I grow a pair and confront him about the inequality of dealing with the equally shit behaviours?

Sometimes it helps helps to write things down. Write a list of all the points you want to make. Even if you don't use the list during the conversation, it will help to clarify your points.

I would have the discussion away from the children.. Have examples of behaviour.

Maybe, instead of criticising past behaviour, maybe suggest a strategy for the future. Comment that you seem to have different parenting styles and when you are together, need to sing from the same hymn sheet. Agree on what behaviour you will accept and which you will clamp down on.

And the strategies apply to all children.

That sounds very tiresome, not to mention the damage it will do to your dcs self esteem, honestly I'd tell him to fuck off and ltb.

Why are you with him? How can you love a man who hates your children?

I think it's likely your DC have noticed the inequality. Do you want them to grow up thinking they are second best to someone else's child?

Why would you even want to resolve this matter? He doesn't like your kids. He doesn't bring up his own kids properly.

How can you put your children through that?

Petals idea is lovely. But do you really think you can have a reasonable conversation that results in him changing his behaviour to your DC, if you think you have to grow a pair to talk to him about it?

Sounds like a stressful and not much fun holiday for anyone. Time to holiday separately!

Whenever anyone mentions problems on here, there always to be an opinion of 'back off' or in this case 'holiday separately'.

That isn't the answer . All of the DC's should be treated the same in terms of everything including discipline. I would find his behaviour intolerable. Have you spoken to him directly about his behaviour? It would be a case of shape up or ship out very quickly for me!

It sounds a bit severe, I'm not sure this is going to work long term.

Do you think you can all be happy long term?

If so, you still need to really get it through that this is not on. Try counselling together. Writing it down is great, work out what is going on. My DP always jumped in if I disciplined either kid! Drove me nuts. I didn't discipline his, and he definitely let them get away with far more.

I wouldn't be with a man like him. Your children will be aware of this inequality and resent you for not speaking up for them.

It's not fair.