do you ever comment on how much dp/dh spends on his kids?

[juicychops]

just out of interest really.

me and dp have been together over 1 year we dont live together but e stays over a few nights per week. he has 3 kids from previous marriage betweek 8 & 13 (i haven't met them yet).

He spend at least £150 per week on computer games for them when he has them and spends lots on taking them out, rediculous amounts for each of their birthdays etc.

I sometimes mention that he spoils them and he knows he does too much but he doesn't want to stop as he wants to make them happy where he doesn't see them much.

Its his money to do with as he likes so its totally up to him although i still think its too much but it doesn't affect me in any way so it makes no difference to me.

Just wondered if anyone else's dp is the same with their kids and if you say anything

No, I'd never say anything. I htink it is up to him how much he spends.
I have 2 stpechildren and we send consideably more on them for their bdays and xmasthan we do on the girls, partly as they aren't with us, and also I think through some knid of guilt on DH's part that he isn't with them.
Before I met DH he would panic buy things for them when he had time with them. As though that was the best way to apologise for leaving.

I had to have words with DH, but not his spending, his parents. They were/are OTT when it comes to grandkids, and his DD was turning into a spoilt brat, expecting things everytime we/they stepped out of the house. You can't make up for a parental split by buying them stuff. They've settled down now and she is on her way to becoming a very pleasant child.

Yes, I do. We talk about what we should be spending on all the children (his sons, our daughter) for clothes, education, toys and try to ensure that we are fair in giving them opportunities and fair about giving ourselves opportunities.

I think that if you don't talk about it, you are not managing a joint budget, which isn't a good thing.

Dh isn't the same as this, we tend to spend about the same on dsd and dd. If she gets something "big" then it's normally a joint Christmas and birthday present as they are close together, this year it was a Nintendo DS. She understands this and is fine about it. If he does spoil her it's probably over having too many sweets.

£150 per week is a lot to spend on computer games, he must have a huge disposable income to be able to afford that. If he were my dp I'd be having a word and encouraging him to put it in an ISA instead!

It's interesting, littlerach, that you say you think it's guilt on your dh's part because he left. Dh doesn't spend huge amounts and he wasn't the one who ended the relationship. Did your dp leave his x juicychops? Maybe that's something to do with it.

no, surfermum, my dp wanted to stay for the kid's sake but she didn't want to work at it. He doesn't get to see his boys much as he works a lot and at weekends plus he doesn't drive and his boys live quite far away. He would see them every night if he could. So it is a guilt thing for him

hi
me and dh had a few issues about this kind of thing when we had our first xmas together. he thought that we should spend the same amount on my ds as we did on dss which i disagreed with, for birthdays they each get the same from us (a trip out either bowling, cinema, theme park and the also get a meal out of their choice and £30 to spend in toysr us)but for xmas i wanted to get my son some other presents. we have the 2 dss every boxing day so i wanted to get ds something to open on xmas day and then they all get the same to open boxing day. my reasoning was that they too have a home with dh's ex and they will be getting present there from her and her family so they are incredibly lucky to get 2 lots of big prezzies. he eventually saw my point but again felt like his dss were missing out.
it is soooo hard finding a balance!!

pinknfluffly - be careful with that approach though as it can look different from the step childrens point of view if it gets to an extreme. As kids my Dad and Step Mum used to get us one smallish present for Christmas while their children (and her daughters) got loads, For example we'd get a board game between us and they would get a TV / clothes / games each.
Maybe my Step Mum was thinking that I'd get presents from my Mum so her and my Dad didn't need to bother, but to us it just showed how unimportant we were compared to our half and step siblings.
To me and my sister getting extra presents at Birthdays / Christmas was the bonus of having divorced parents!

oh no i wouldnt dream of fobbing off sk's with little presents - the first year all 3 got a gameboy and last year they got a trampoline between them and an mp3 player each. sk's have far more family around them than we do so they get well looked after. i understand your point but in the same line i dont want my son to think that he is worse off because his father is not on the scene.
but is also hard when i want to get ds a bike as a)we dont have the space for 3 bikes and b)they have bikes at home. but they havent been on them for months because their mum has a weird punishment thing going on that means when they are naughty they get stuff taken from them (fair point) but it is never returned to them, which makes dh feel like he should get them bikes for here.

We don't even take what goes on at dsd's mum's house into the equation. This year dd (3) had her presents on Christmas Day, and dsd (11) had hers when she arrived on Boxing Day. Neither minded. I think dd just accepted that dsd couldn't have hers on the same day as she wasn't with us.

As for the bikes, I would get them bikes because it would be something for them to play on when they're with you, not because of what their mum has done. I honestly couldn't buy dd a bike knowing that dsd didn't have one here. For a start, how could we all go out on a bike ride together? But it would just feel wrong to me, sorry. I do appreciate it's difficult with limited space though.