SC - positives to cheer me up, horror stories to make me feel better about my situation?

[Onemoresliceofcakewonthurt]

I have a 6 year old SS and a 3 year old son of my own with DH. DH didn't know about SS until he was almost 3 (whole different thread in itself but basically, SS's Mum didn't know paternity of SS so didn't tell DH until she discovered it wasn't the other person when he was 2 ). By the time a DNA test was completed etc, we were married and DSS was in our lives and everything was amicable between parents etc.. 3 years later it is fucking hell on earth. I love my DSS, I truly do, but his mother makes our lives hell and I don't know how much more I can take - I would never let DSS know but I am starting to resent him as I feel if it wasn't for him we wouldn't have his Mum in our lives (I am fully aware how awful that is but that's how I feel, I can't help it).

I don't want to drip feed but also don't want to write an essay, in short; she's on the phone constantly, telling us DSS doesn't want to come to our house because he gets in trouble (his behaviour is awful so yes, he is told off, but never once shouted at), she tells us he's poorly so can't come an hour before we are due to pick him up, if she knows we have plans she won't be there when we pick him up knowing it'll make us be late or have to cancel, she won't give us set times to collect him and is always changing the days we can see him. She is such a difficult person and it's wearing me down that we have this constant contact with her (DH has told her to contact him not me, but she persists with contacting me and not him, won't reply to his messages or answer his calls, only mine.. apparently I understand more as a mother myself )

I basically just want some horror stories of people who have it worse than me, or some positives of people who've been in a shit situation and worked it out?

Someone please just give me some sort of hope that this woman won't cause me a mental breakdown

Anyone?

I am step mum but no horror stories per se... I would definitely be firm about the contact thing though if you don't want to do it then you really shouldn't have to. Good luck!

We have 50/50 and we get the last minute thing, but to be fair their mum has finally realised that he needs more notice than two days to change access, after repeatedly being told it's not possible.

It's taken 2 years to get where we are though and many an argument, but it does get better.

We don't involve ourselves in their mum's parenting and she doesn't involve herself in ours, although we have very different expectations the kids adapt to the environment they're in, and have stopped with the mum let's me....

We're lucky that they have an informal agreement which she sticks to unless it's the holidays, then she'll do what she wants , it sounds like he needs to go to mediation and arrange set times etc and if that fails court; he's his father I'm sure he can look after him when he's ill.

I get the not wanting her in your life, stepping away saved my sanity in the beginning.

I laid down ground rules with my Dp, and explained why he had to say no, why it wasn't his job to agree with her anymore and that it wouldn't hurt his kids to not get everything they wanted!

I'd tell her straight to go through Dp, change your number if you have to and block on social media.

DSDs mum used to send DH messages at all hours of the night asking things about clothes or other non urgent things. Always lovely to wake up at 2am to be ask if we have a pair of socks. Thankfully DSDs mum had a new baby a year ago and she now has something new to fuss about non stop and no longer has enough time to annoy us. It can get better.

Sounds like mediation would be a good idea though. Get a set routine in place so the constant contact isn't necessary. You could also set up a phone or email account just for her that your DH handles so you can step back from it a bit. Not knowing everything DSDs mum is not picking about was a life saver for me before her baby was born.

My dp used to get constant texts over any old crap, she made him to go court to get access as otherwise he could only see his child at her house . That was because he had a new partner (me) and she wanted him back, yes I actually seen the text messages saying this.
She is constantly over dramatic, she spends all her money on buying clothes for her and the child (I'm talking ted baker dressing gowns and ray ban sunglasses for a 6 yr old) and then asks for more money cuz she can't afford food .
She used to constantly cancel, much better now tho.
Honestly she's a god damn nut job. I'd be embarrassed to be her.

I'm not surprised your struggling tbh, having a child come into it when you went into a relationship with this man thinking he had no children is a big table turner!

With my current knowledge of how loony exs can get, I have actually told my partner if a women come out of the wood work and said they had a child of his that I would leave him, I can't deal with more then one crazy twat at a time.

Ss's mum's behaviour was similar to yours but it all culminated in dh and her getting into an argument because she wanted ME to have SS 50:50 over the holidays with one week's notice (we already had him fri-Sun and she didn't work) and her husband threatening dh. Dh drive off as he didn't want to get into a fight and they followed but then turned off towards our house. Me and then 3 year old ds were in the house and the husband got out of the car, slammed his hand on the door, shouting abuse while ss's mum beeped her horn. This was all because their phones had been cut off and they wanted me to ring dh and get him back so the husband could fight with him. We ignored him, so he came around the back of the house and shouted through the window, threatening ME with all sorts. All I said to him over and over was that I was on my own with a 3 year old and to go away or I'd call the police. He didn't, so I called them.

When they came, he told them that I'D threatened HIM with a knife ( 100% not true). The worst thing is I'd left a small knife on the kitchen counter as I'd cut an apple up for ds. He must have seen it and then could have used it had he managed to get in. I was really lucky not to get arrested and I'd done nothing wrong. I was also due to start a new job in a school 2 days later, so that could have been put in jeopardy.

I guess it doesn't sound that bad written down but it was horrible and ds still mentions it 4 years later.

OSETmum - that does sound bad! Some people are so vile.

Just popped into my head but I also got loads of emails from his ex 'new bf' saying how much better she is then me... the bf was imaginary and she set up a fake email address, dp also got a couple saying he should treat his ex better and to ditch me .