Access Issues

[movienight15]

NC for this . Really seeking factual advice on the law in this situation.

My DP has a child with a woman . He is on the birth certificate. He has always sucked up to her despite her neglectful behaviour towards the child and some emotional abuse ....

She has not worked in over a decade (no solicitor fees) and he has avoided court for years because of how much this will cost . This angers me because he should have intervened a long time ago and put his child first .

We are now on the third time she has stopped access due to "having serious concerns for his safety "
Now if I go in to detail this will be outing . I can say this though ... I have kept a diary for a long time of all the neglectful / emotionally abusive situations he has described to us . This includes watching 18 rated horror films at 5, not washing for a week , sexualised behaviour and it appears that from day 1 the mother had had an obsession with illness and convinces him he is ill and keeps him off school for long periods of time then he says he wasn't ill to us .
We have a child together , his DS brother so she is also preventing any bond between them by regularly doing this .
She is making false claims either that she has made up or has convinced her DS of , that basically we are horrible and just crap . Funny he always begs to not go home because "all he does at home is be a slave doing jobs for her such as "washing walls , cleaning under beds and never gets a break " "

I am absolutely fuming at this situation and with having a child from a previous relationship I'm disgusted a woman could want to ruin her child's relationship with the father. I think she has serious mental health issues ?
Also disappointed at DP not wanting to pay for court willingly or seeming to have the fire inside him. This poor poor child I am so worried for his future .

Does she have the legal right to stop contact like this?
Has anyone got any positive outcomes to this sort of thing ? All the lies are sending me mad !!

Your partner needs to step up.

If you believe the child is being neglected, why have you not reported it to Social Services?

What does his school think?

How long has this been going on? You all have to take some responsibility here. You have chosen to have a child with someone who is neglecting his existing children who are being abused.

I was shown 18 rated films at 5/6, I had night terrors and severe panic attacks for over a decade.

How long does your disgrace of a partner want to let this go on for? Sadly for you, you have no real power here. I'd report it to ss, keeping copies of your evidence.

You will need it to protect you own child from him in the future.

I did report every single issue . Apparently SS didn't think there was a case and apparently the head teacher backed this up which I find shocking . After the report she suspected it was us and stopped contact again .
I know what he needs to do and he says he is going to but I was really wondering if she is legally allowed to do this whenever she wants .
Yes it makes me sick that she is letting him watch these films and various other things but I myself am just a spare wheel with no rights or authority !

Protect my child from him ?

In what way exactly ? That's a really horrible thing to say . He has ignored issues and is denial yes but he is not abusing his child .

Is he paying maintenance (not that it makes a difference but is it because he has him overnight and its reduced ?)

Has he threatened legal action ? How old is the DS now ?

Yes he pays maintenance and was having him over night until she did this .
So you think she could be doing it to be entitled to more money from him ?

He has told he has spoken to a solicitor and she has no right to do this and needs something legal drawn up she said you're not seeing him until we have been to court .
What scares me is how many lies she tells and how manipulated the child is . She clearly wrapped the school round her finger also .

As a teacher, I would say it is pretty obvious how well cared for individual children are/aren't. He must be in school regularly and appear clean and well fed if the school are happy - if he is missing lots of school, the school will act.

Social Services won't act if they believe the care he is receiving is 'good enough'.

Tell your partner to offer not to reduce maintenance if he has th child overnight. That might help.

He has never reduced maintenance and has always had him about 30 % of the time .

He missed 18 full days of school this year ??

Often has black fingernails and greasy hair and has told us he doesn't wash on school days .

He is also in learning support and can't really read . Teachers repeatedly ask in planner that he reads more at home . She reads around twice a fortnight .... we read every time we see him at least once .

She has not worked in over a decade (no solicitor fees)

She would not get legal aid because she's unemployed, I'm 99% certain it doesn't work that way. She would only get legal aid in a case with your DH if he had been abusive to her and there was a record of it.

If your DH has no intention of going to court, than there is nothing you can do. Try not to demonize every little thing... My DS regularly has dirty fingernails. He often doesn't wash until the weekend. I'm not neglecting him, I just learnt to choose my battles. Life is too short to be on your last nerve about every little thing.

How old is he?

No you are wrong there as I have a close friend who has received legal aid . She is getting legal aid but it is apparently a long process.

I literally wanted legal advice .

He has had worms several times so probably being unclean isn't the best idea ....

Horror films since he was 5? Hhhhm pretty sure that's not me demonising .

She is bat shit crazy and is warping her child and making him hate us which , having experienced similar myself as a child I would class as emotional abuse . Stopping contact for no reason other than sick games is also abuse in my eyes .

My DP has decided today off his own back to see a solicitor Monday . Thank god. I explained to him that his son needs to know he fought and did everything in his power. This shouldn't have to happen it's so upsetting.

He never wants to leave us when he is with us and I keep thinking what will he think is happening and what is she saying to him . He is 8 .

Legal aid is only granted now in cases of domestic violence. Assuming you're in England?

I've just been through family court and received legal aid. It wasn't a drawn out process at all, I filled out a form and provided the last few months bank statements and we were away. It didn't delay things in the slightest. Also what pps have said is correct, legal aid for family matters is only granted when there is recent and proven domestic violence. I'm assuming there hasn't been so she's not eligible. Sounds like she's just saying this to buy herself some extra time or hope that it scares you off.

Your dp needs to get a solicitor and get this to court asap. If he can't afford a solicitor then he can apply direct to the court and self represent.

Oh my goodness I can't believe it ! No he hasn't . I knew she was lying because he kept asking for her solicitors details and she said no .

I am going to really pressure him to do this the right way !

If you want legal advice, post in the Legal section.

Sorry I'm not overly familiar with mn and how to post etc . Didn't realise there was one but thank you anyway .