To have another baby or not in a blended family??

[joyjoy1]

Sorry..... this is a bit lengthy! I am a mummy of 1 and a step mummy to 3...... my son is nearly 6 and I have 3 gorgeous step children who I adore and luckily have a great relationship with. My son is with my husband and I 6 day's a week and his children are with us 3-4 days a week which is fabulous..... as a blended family we are very lucky. When my husband and I first got married I talked myself into being totally satisfied with the fact the really we shouldn't have any more children as 4 is enough.... we talked about it and decided that financially it would be a strain, space wise also it would be tough and also we were both concerned what ANOTHER child would do to our complicated dynamic.... would it 'rock the boat'.....I am almost 40 and my husband is 41 and that also concerned us. Finally, and most importantly... I know deep down that my wonderful husband (and he really is) doesn't want to start all over again. So I talked myself out of it. Our first year of marriage has gone on happily, I am totally in love with him, our life and our family.... but I have become increasingly broody and feel more and more like I am just not done and feel sad that I may never get the chance to do what I always wanted to do, which was have another baby...... I always hoped and wanted to have 2 babies. although my son has 3 amazing step siblings, I am sad that he will never have a blood brother or sister and that incredible bond that I have with my own brother. There are SO many reasons for us not to have another baby..... but in my mind, there are also so many reasons that we should. We do talk about it....... but he always gives me the practical argument (which scares me cause all the reasons are true!). but none of them stop my heart feeling what it feels......... I have never ever been on a forum before but I don't know who to talk to anymore. It makes me very sad and distracted a lot of the time and I worry what that in itself will do to my Marriage.

I have no real advice, but I'm in a similar position. We have 4 between us, and while I would love another, we've decided not to.

Many reasons why, money, time and effort are there and easily ignored, but honestly I don't think it's best for our children. I think it would be harder on them to understand and accept another child especially as one will live with us 24/7. This is what pushed the idea out of my head entirely, and now I just have to wait for grandchildren, although I'm early thirties so I have a long wait hopefully .

I think that family is family blood or not, if you build the bonds of a family he'll have them. My cousins are like brothers and sisters to my brother and I, because we grew up so close.

I had another child with my partner, and it was one of the best things we did as a family. In fact the only thing now that hangs everyone together! That being said, I had a lot of problems with my step kids and partner that didn't make it easy to be an active parent in the house, but that was always there and having a baby didn't make it worse.

I was in exactly the same position as you OP. I had one DS and my partner had 3 DS when we met. We had another DS together giving us 5 DS in the house when we are all together! All in all it's been an amazingly positive experience having our DS, for everyone. He draws us all together and I think my SDS see me differently now I am their brother's mother. Where it's been hard has been with my first DS. It's hard on him I think and at 8 he is starting to show some distress despite a hugely supportive mum and dad. It's hard navigating all the different dynamics (his dad has other children too.)
I have felt guilty at times that I had my second DS because I felt like a part time mum without thinking about first DS as obviously a 3 year old takes up alot of my time. I would say, think about how it might feel for your child but generally it's been very positive.

although my son has 3 amazing step siblings, I am sad that he will never have a blood brother or sister and that incredible bond that I have with my own brother.

This bit stood out for me. My DS has three step siblings from both sides and they all adore each other despite the age differences. The incredible bond you want for your DS is definitely a possibility now if you facilitate it, it does not rely on having one more

As to whether you should have another, finding time for each child in a family of five will be incredibly difficult. Everyone is different but I would worry about the impact on the other children