We are not all evil!

[Shad0w87]

This is a bit of a rant really....
I have one SS who I love dearly, he is 12 years old and we have been in each other's lives since he was 2 years old. I don't have any biological children. I like to read posts on here and share advice with other parents/step parents but I have noticed how step parents (especially mums it seems) are often treated as thou everything they say is wrong and that the 'poor child' is never at fault. I am very aware how difficult it is for the child/children when parents split and mum or dad has another partner (my own parents split up when I was 6 and I had both a step mum and step dad growing up)
I guess I'm very lucky really because never had any big issues with either step parent and they both treated me well.
I'm also lucky that I have had no major issues with my own step son, and I know I treat him well.
I just feel as thou a lot of people on here can be very judgemental of SP's and I read a lot of posts and wonder if the replies would be different if people asked advice on a child who wasn't their 'step child'
Rant over 

I'm going to add my two pence worth.
I am a SM and tried EVERYTHING to get along with the ex. Even listening to her slag my DH off and not arguing about it. Babysat her other dc when she was stuck. Helped with her CV and resitting exams. And she turned on me like my DH told me she would. And she's made our lives fucking hell ever since. How her DP can't see she's still hung up on my DH I really don't know. Because every fucker else can and it manifests itself by emotionally abusing DSC which I really wish she could be locked up for she is absolutely VILE

sometimes thou a makeshift bed is unfortunately how it has to be

Absolutely and I agree with this. My kids don't have their own bed, let alone room when they visit their dad. I understand that this is how it has to be and they are still made welcome.

However, everything comes at a price, and my situation, it contributes to my teenage boy now not wanting to go there regularly any longer. Children are different. My DD doesn't mind so much, she doesn't need her personal space as much but my boy is more private and needs somewhere to retreat away from family.

It's not their fault that they can't offer that, but then again, maybe they never made it a priority.

Swing - that is so sad.
I think it is the way it is addressed, that can make it more palatable. Not expecting room per SDC - sharing is fine but a little bit to call their own would help.

If you are always made to feel like an inconvenience, with nowhere to retreat for a bit of you time, you can not feel welcome.

Reading the thread it seems that the DFs seem to evade their responsiblities. You'd think that when remarrying they'd have an honest discussion with the new DW to agree on what SDCs might involve and how it might impact on their new life together. Decisions all seem to be left to the DMs and DSMs.

Problem is the majority want what they had before for their DCs but with a different person.
The majority ( I admit not all) of mothers sort the child care, do the DC things and I think alot of them expect the new DP to do much the same.

Ex SM expected EX to do the school run for her DCs, pick ups attend school plays etc and sacrifice his own DCs , as they were now a family. When she refused to have his DCs in the house, do anything for them, go on holiday with them etc - he now admits he felt he was being used. Good cash cow but only for her and hers. Did point out to him after he left her, he was a spine less twat for not sticking for his own DCs and family. He saw them as a team working for everyone, she saw them as a team working for her.

If you are always made to feel like an inconvenience, with nowhere to retreat for a bit of you time, you can not feel welcome.

This is exactly what he said he felt. I wish he could express it to his father but he is not a good listener and he knows he would turn it around and make him feel guilty, so he is avoiding the situation instead which is not good.

It could have been fine though, if DS was more like DD but he isn't and that's the problem. Kids have different personalities and different needs and what works for one won't for another. It's hard enough to adjust as resident parents, even more as non-resident parents.