Differences in attitudes to bed times/movies etc.

[Magda72]

Just wondering if anyone has any insights on the above in blended families?
Dp has 11 yr old ds and I have 11 yr old dd. We also have three teens and one young adult between us.
Dp is here tonight with 11 yr old ds. My 15 year old ds stopped Dps 11 yr old watching an over 15s movie on Netflix. My ds did what he thought was right as he watches out for his sister who is not allowed watch stuff that's over 15s. Dps ds was not impressed as he watches what he likes at home apparently. Dp & I diffused the situation but we will have to speak about it.

Also my dd heading off to bed at 10:30 (summer hols) but his ds wanted to stay up (which he does at his mums) which then set my dd off.
Dps kids only just started staying over at mine (which will soon be ours) & while everyone getting on fine I can see big gaps in parenting emerging (mine & their mums mainly).
Any thoughts on how to handle?

What rules has their dad set before you were in the picture?

So sort these out before you do move in together.

On one hand, it makes life much easier when everyone has the same rules, on the other, why should he be his son who should change his ways to adhere to your rules, when these rules are taking privileges away?

You really need to sit down and agree on rules that you are both comfortable with and then sit with the kids and go over them. They need to be fair for all and therefore allow you to bend some of your own rules too even if you don't want to. That's the nature of blending a family.

I would suggest that one of the rules is for the eldest not to discipline their SS but go and tell the parent if they are concerned about a broken rule.

Differences in the parenting styles of you and DPS mum are totally irrelevant. When in your house any children should be living by your rules.

The issue is what those rules are going to be and whether you and your DP are in agreement.

You need to sit down ASAP with your DP and discuss how this is going to work. If you both have different ideas and want to parent your children differently it is going to be a disaster for everyone.

And you also need to make sure your DP actually agrees with whatever you decide and isn't just nodding along for a quiet life but will start letting his kids stay up later etc when the time comes.

Totally agree. Your house, your rules. If and when you move in together, then you and DP can sit down and establish your joint rules together before any move happens. There may need to be compromise on both sides if opinions are vastly different.

I would slow the move right down and make sure whatever rules you want to follow as a couple are well established by her dad. That way it can't be blamed on you.

It's fine to have your house your rules, but unless you want to be completely blamed for any changes give him a good year at least to put them in place and let him take the flack. It will be a lot easier in the long run.