Partner staying over?

[Rainybo]

I hope it is ok to post this here - I'm thinking that many of you will have been through this.

I have been with my partner for nearly three years, I have two DDs 9 and 11, he has 1 DD (11). My DC first met him a year ago, as I'm a very cautious person! The DC have all met and seem to get on at the moment, I'm aware it is early days.

DP and I want a future together, we love each other very much and would like to live together at some point in the not too distant future.

As I said, I'm cautious by nature and so DP has not yet stayed over whilst DC have been here. He comes round for meals, to help me out with the house sometimes, will drive DC somewhere with me (as I don't have a car). How do I make the step to him staying over?

I am worried about upsetting the DC, but perhaps I am being overprotective?

Do you have any reasons to think they would be uspet? Haven't you had discussions with them about him already? Haven't they asked any questions?

They know he is my 'boyfriend' as they call him (I most definitely don't). It's DD (11) I'm most thoughtful about, she got a little upset when she realised he stayed when she wasn't here and I'd 'seen him in his pyjamas'.

I think it's come at a time when she is becoming more aware of adult relationships and that it is embarrassment more than anything. They seem to get on. Gah, it's me being overprotective isn't it?

I always talked to my kids regarding when my partner came for tea and stayed over etc.
At the start I would ask if they are ok and if not to tell me. As I have always had that communication with them theu have always been fine.

My partner will be moving in next year. We set a date so we can talk openly with the children and plan things like money etc.

I'm sure your daughter will be fine.
I would suggest that make time altogether have tea, watch a film make sure she's involved. Then at bed time it's your time.

Start small 1 overnight a week while the kids are there.

Good luck and try not to worry to much

Thank you Lou, that's reassuring, your approach feels comfortable to me. He is coming for tea on Wednesday, but he has never stayed past the kids going to bed, so perhaps that's a good place to start building up from.

Yes definitely small steps are the best way then if something upsets any one of yous it's easier to discuss.

Your 11 year old is probably sick at the thought that you're probably shagging at night. If that's the case, you might have to pretend that you won't on nights that she's there.

I gathered that too eyebrows! But not sure how to pretend....?

Just to clear, we won't be! I meant how to give that impression?

Gosh you are very cautious! I definitely think you need to talk to your dsd about the nature of adult relationships and yours in particular. She needs to accept that you're entitled to have a partner and what that involves (without going in to detail obviously!) I admire your restraint but I wouldn't put it off any longer or it'll just get even more of an awkward issue.