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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Advice please - should I be worried?

22 replies

Maddogs · 27/07/2017 20:13

Hi this is my first post on the step parenting board. I have a DSS age 10 and a DD age 6. I've known my DSS for 4 years now. He has no issues with coming to talk to me whilst I am - on the toilet, getting changed etc

I've just had a bath and he had been up 5 times with questions and generally loitering. He is pre pubescent with a few signs of development.

I guess my question is whether it is appropriate? I have no issue with nakedness in general and we are not prudes. But I also enjoy my own space and I'm getting a bit fed up asking him to leave the room for example because I want to get undressed.

Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AlternativeTentacle · 27/07/2017 20:13

Lock the door?

Needsomeflapjacks · 27/07/2017 20:16

This is why I go in the bath when dc are in bed.

And lock the door to keep dh out!!

Yanbu to expect some privacy. .

Tilapia · 27/07/2017 20:19

I have a DS who is 11 and has only recently started not wanting to chat to me if I'm using the toilet / in the bath etc. So I think there is nothing for you to worry about, but of course YANBU to ask for privacy.

Original poster

Maddogs · 27/07/2017 20:21

No door lock and only one bathroom/toilet.

OP posts:

Original poster

Maddogs · 27/07/2017 20:22

Tilapia how old was your SS when you first met?

OP posts:

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/07/2017 20:24

10 is far too old for this behaviour. You need to explain privacy - he sees you when you're sat on the toilet? I've never seen my mum or dad on the toilet.

Original poster

Maddogs · 27/07/2017 20:26

He is 11 in 3 months. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I hate feeling like that as I'm sure it's totally innocent

OP posts:

Tilapia · 27/07/2017 20:27

No, sorry, he's my DS not my DSS, but my point is that he was a bit oblivious to the desire for privacy. But I can see how it would make you feel more uncomfortable than me!

RandomMess · 27/07/2017 20:28

Time to stop it, he's growing up and curious, just put some new rules in place.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/07/2017 20:33

Watching you on the toilet is just grim. He'll be in secondary school soon so please set some boundaries. He is too old to watch you change and bathe.

HerRoyalNotness · 27/07/2017 20:45

You're uncomfortable, that's the only reason you need to put a stop to it

Original poster

Maddogs · 27/07/2017 20:49

I don't want to upset his feelings or make him feel not at home. Not sure if he is the same with his mum.

In one way it's nice he feels so comfortable (even if I don't!) with me. But also I am a woman with my own personal space to respect.

I'll have a word with DH about the best way to deal with it as it appears I'm not being overly prudish!

OP posts:

Original poster

Maddogs · 27/07/2017 20:51

It's bad enough with DD wandering in, cat sits on my knee. Often DH will pop in for the loo when I'm in the bath and have a 'chat'.

I just want to read a good murder mystery with a glass of 🍷 and be left in peace!

So need a bigger house

OP posts:

QuiteLikely5 · 27/07/2017 20:53

All you need to say is 'can I get some privacy please'

He will get the message. I ask it of mine and they are younger!

Wdigin2this · 27/07/2017 23:15

Bloody hell, we all need some privacy....lock the bathroom door, and tell him to bed!

Mumof56 · 28/07/2017 01:03

He's a bit old for that. He'll want his own privacy soon to do, em, teenage stuff and I doubt he'll be too pleased people stopping in for a chat.

Set some boundaries. You need private time and having a ten year old watch you toileting is, as another poster put it, grim

swingofthings · 28/07/2017 06:32

I find this very odd but then maybe it's just how different people consider normality.

In my previous house, where there was only one bathroom with one toilet, I used to tell me kids that I was about to go get a bath, so they needed to go to the toilet before. That went for my OH. Not an issue of being seen naked but not nice to listen to someone wee when I'm there and wanted peace and quiet.

It was easy to set up this rule without anyone feeling excluded.

Original poster

Maddogs · 28/07/2017 06:38

I told him I was having a bath. He still came up 5 times. Where is my charger for the Nintendo? Do you think my tablet is charged yet? It's only at blah blah percent.

I really don't fucking care!! Just leave me alone for twenty minutes

OP posts:

KarmaNoMore · 28/07/2017 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoraisin · 28/07/2017 08:19

'Toilet time is private time' started when all ours were 5ish. Not ok for them to burst in on each other or us. It's not usual IMO to still do that at 10+ years old so YADNBU.

swingofthings · 28/07/2017 09:00

So tell him, politely that you want your 20 minutes peace and he can go and look for it himself. Surely you can say that much without passing for the evil SM. It's all about the tone of voice, and avoiding the F or equivalent word!

Gogglerox · 28/07/2017 09:35

I grew up in a pretty naked family, no one seemed to care. Until puberty hit - then I became aware of my brother and dad being different and I didn't personally want them to see me getting changed or taking a shower.
Your SS probably doesn't realise it's embarrassing you and is carrying on like a normal little kid.
Get a little catch or lock on the bathroom door - he will also need his privacy very soon too so now is the time to put one on.
It can be awkward when they're not biologically your children when it comes to nakedness anyway... my kids see me naked all the time, they came out of me and I breastfed them so it doesn't seem weird, but my SDs have never seen me undressed. I'm not their mum so I'd find that weird, there's no need for them ever to have seen me in the nude

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