I am considering getting married for a second time and am very confused by our discussions about finances and my own feelings.
DP has 4 kids, most grown up. I have 1. We are considering trying for another child though I don't feel I can trust him - to get married and have a child, see below.
If we were to buy a house together, he'd put in more money, as he earns more/has more savings. He also has a share in a joint house with his ex-P, which is maintained (he pays for it).
In discussions about ownership and inheritance, he said a few times how he would like his share to go to his kids (my daughter would inherit what I have put in), or the house to be divided between our 5 kids equally (my daughter would inherit less than what I have put in). His share in the other house will go entirely to his kids (high value and almost paid out). In previous versions of that discussion, it would happen upon the death of one of us. Now at least the other can stay in the house until death.
There is great inequality in our positions: he has more money, and more children, I have less of everything. He proposes to leave the other house out of discussion and share this future possible house that we will get in terms of what everyone has put in. And then leave whatever he will earn/put into our joint house to his kids. I really do understand the need to protect them, though I can't fully grasp the idea that the parent is financially responsible for their kids forever, in their entire adult life.
But I also wonder what my role is in all of this. It feels like the stream of money from him to his kids needs to be protected at all costs (from me) - and I am a temporary companion. I like the fact that he is such a good dad, but I also feel that a more direct way to support his kids is not to have a relationship with me, then there would be no distraction of finances onto me! I know it is a bit of an emotional response, and may sound ludicrous. But I can't see how a marriage which requires in my opinion total sharing of life can fit inside this model. I can't see how I can trust him the way he wants me to while this is the background. WWYD?