Been to the forums and close to tears, apologies this is a long one but it's been building up for a while.
I've been with my partner almost a year and he has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship (divorced due to his unreasonable behaviour)
He sees her 3 times a week and she stays over 2 nights.
I'm really struggling with the relationship he has with her, i wouldn't call my self jealous but it may come across that way and i'm really not sure hence me asking your advice.
His daughter is a very very clever girl and is more than capable of doing things things for herself but OH does everything for her. "dad get me a drink" "dad i want this" "dad get me that"
She won't do simple tasks such as wiping her own bottom (which she does at her mums and at school from what i've been told)
Her manners when talking to him are appalling - no please or thankyou, and when i ask her to say please or thankyou i'm the bad guy.
I think he lets her get away with it out of some sense of guilt because they're not all together anymore. Her breakfast consists of 4-5 different options - she'll want one thing and then change her mind but that's ok to him, he'll throw it away and make her something else. Same with dinner and tea - she'll barely touch it say she's full then demand a bag of sweets which of corse she gets.
I've tried to talk to him about it but on the occasions i have mentioned his daughter and the issues i have i've been verbally abused, hes thrown glasses and beer cans at me, he purposely made so much noise to scare my pup to the point where he wasn't a quivering wreck. I was banned from mentioning her name and he accused me of being a danger to her (i am moody but i'll take myself upstairs out the way when i do get that way - anxiety sufferer for 3 1/2 years but i manage it)
I try so so hard to build a relationship with her. I try and find fun activities for us to do together painting nails, clothes shopping (all out of my pocket) etc
Today for example, ive had a really rough week, my baby (which is a pooch) has been in vet hospital for 3 days really really ill. So i've been worried sick, not sleeping etc. I'd planned on an afternoon of fun crafty activities with her to take my mind off it and spent a fortune on kits and other craft/art supplies. I got her changed into some old clothes so she didn't ruin them and got told off for changing her. I apologised and ignored it. We were starting to make Papier-mâché in the garden and she had little bits of PVA glue on her hands and legs and he started cussing under his breath "look at the state of her" "she's covered in it" "for f**ks sake"
So i told his daughter to go paint some plaster butterflies i'd made last weekend instead. He just huffed about her getting covered in paint.
I gave up at that point. I packed everything away and tidied up.
He's gone off and took her to the park now and i've stayed behind contemplating whether to pack my bags and leave. I was so looking forward to spending time with them both and now it's ruined. It's not the first time i've tried and had it thrown in my face.
He's told me he would like to have children with me when the right time comes but i'm not sure he has enough room in his life for me let alone another child or if i even want to be with him anymore.
Quite rightly he dotes on his daughter but i feel it's so excessive to the point where it feels uncomfortable and in my opinion a little strange.
He's brought me into her life after having her to himself for 4 years and now i think he's regretting it. I can't do anything right for her except make myself late for work after i've stayed behind to do her hair because he can't do it apparently (managed for 4 years by himself himself)
It hurts my feelings all this and when i do mention it i'm made out to be unreasonable and nasty.
She's a lovely girl and i think the world of her but it's getting impossible now.
Is it me wanting too much to build a relationship with her or is he making things difficult.
So sorry this is so long and i've cut other things out that he does but i don't know what else to do and don't really have any family to ask.
Thankyou for your honest advice in advance