20 year old DSDn pregnant 7 months only just told her parents!

[Greentomato3]

My DSD, 20, has only just moved out. She was living with her Dad and me, although I only moved in a few months ago.

She was really cross about moving out, although she did want to live with her boyfriend. I think she would have liked her boyfriend to move in but never said this.

I have not wanted to rock any boats, so have stayed well out of everything. Except I was a bit concerned about her boyfriend, they seemed to be rushing into a relationship and both are very immature. Neither have a job or are in college. I just suggested to my OH that he talk to her or take her out to dinner, get to know where her head was at, but he didn't.

So she moved out and now has just told her parents that she is pregnant! I think she is angry with both of them. They are both very laid back parents and my OH is quite soft, so I don't think it was because of fear. They have both been very supportive of her.

However my OH went mental at me and has said that she blamed me for having to move out. He told her I had in no way put any pressure on, which I hadn't. He was concerned as she was bringing her boyfriend around to stay all the time, and it was quite awkward, they were spending all the time playing computer games, up all hours, not washing, and we both have younger kids who were feeling uncomfortable around them.

She was also refusing to go to any healthcare - so had not had any GP check ups. That is why OH went mental at me - as I did express a lot of concern about that. She has been to see the hospital now who did give her a big talk and have got a social worker involved. I suddenly feel like - what is this family that I have moved in with? I reached out to her and said that I was sorry that she felt I wanted her out - but that if we could move forward I would be there for her if she needed it. But I do feel a bit rocked that OH could be so defensive and take it out on me.

20 years old is quite young for a child to move out when they have no job and are pregnant - thing must have been really bad if she felt the need...

How long have you and dp lived together?

Firstly he shouldn't be 'going mental' at you. This sounds like domestic abuse and not something your dcs should be exposed to.

Re: dsd what is her housing situation- hostel, temp, secure council, private rent? Is she getting benefits? Are they living as a couple?

If there is a social worker involved there must be some significant concerns.

Why didn't she seek medical advice sooner? Did she want the pregnancy?

We've been living together 3 months - together for 3 years previously.

The social worker was called in by the hospital because she had gone to 7 months without contacting any medical professionals - had not gone to her GP. When she told her parents they both took her to the GP who sent her to the hospital for full tests and scans.

The social worker was satisfied that she was now aware at how important it was and looked at her living arrangements - all OK. They will keep an eye for a few months they said.

OH helped financially and got them both a flat - paid the deposit and first few months rent. They are now on benefits I believe. They are both living as a couple. They told his parents and her friends - apparently her boyfriend urged her to go the GP and tell her parents but she was adamant that it was nothing to do with anyone else.

She didn't want to move out of OHs house at all. She wanted to move in with her boyfriend but seemed to be living in an unreal world where she thought her boyfriend could just move in. OH has a nice house and had given her an allowance every week whilst she was in college. She's finished college now and got a job for a couple of weeks in childcare but didn't like it so left. She gets on well with OH and her Mum usually - I've been around for 3 years.

OH is pretty mild mannered most of the time which is why all of this has taken me by surprise.

I really don't see why he went mental at you .
What does he think you have done wrong ?

I expressed concern about DSD, and I wasn't attacking anyone however I did say that I thought DSD had a lot of growing up to do. OH was extremely defensive. I think because DSD had blamed me for pushing her out of the house OH suddenly felt very guilty when he realised she was pregnant.

He knows I didn't push DSD out but I feel perhaps his anger and guilt - as DSD made it clear she didn't tell them because she'd got cross with them both. They are now doing everything they can for her. It's a family dynamic that's a bit alien to me. It's like I am now firmly pushed out of the picture.