My husband has 3 kids from his 1st marriage, 2 of whom live at home with us - both boys 15 and 12. 12 yr old last week was diagnosed adhd, and his behaviour generally is a nightmare, but at least now we are going to be getting somewhere towards getting some help with him, I hope. 15 yr old has recently received a final warning for putting his brother in a head lock resulting in a trip to hospital. Both have attitudes that make at times the empire state building look small. DH and I have two boys - 18mths and 4 months, oldest ss loves both to bits and is very good with them, other ss does love them but is i think also highly jealous and i find it very hard to trust him with them - he is extremely boisterous and always has to be holding or picking up younger brothers despite repeatedly being asked/told not to. Admittedly last weeks diagnosis may account for some of this but it's still difficult to deal with.
We live in a privately rented flat that isn't big enough for us - two older boys share a room (not good - they can't get on with each other for love nor money - and younger one in particular has no respect for his property or that of his brother, or anyone else from what i can see), 18 mth old is in a room on his own that barely fits his cot and a chest of drawers, and 4mth old still in with us. Have been on housing list for nearly 3 yrs and still waiting and housing association basically saying they have no idea when they are likely to find us a bigger house. Also the policy here states that 12yr old should share with 18mth old, we have lodged a dispute against this as age gap too big, and I personally don't believe it to be at all appropriate given 12 yr behavioural problems etc.
DH runs his own business, working all hours sometimes, leaving me at home (don't mind that so much). 15yr old seems to treat home as a hotel, frequently not telling us what he's doing, or phoning to ask for lift home etc having been given bus money etc, but then missing bus or spending money etc. DH and I both thoroughly fed up of it. 12yr old very tiring - can at times be a total nightmare - has stayed with aunt for 2 wks in last few months as his behaviour at home has been the source of constant arguments, fights, shouting, screaming etc- not an environment dh or I want the babies, or anyone else, to be in. we asked social services for help and advice and they basically told us to bring him back home and get on with it (thanks a bunch for your support)
sometimes feel that i get left to deal with it all myself - not true I'm sure but when dh is working all hours, and i'm here on my own trying to look after small boys as well as 12yr ss i feel its a bit of a nightmare. dh at times seems to almost wash his hands of older boys - if they are away at weekend and it's just us and they babies he comments on how nice it is (which it is, and then I feel bad for feeling as though I don't want older ones here). I do get a little irritated when DH falls asleep on sofa at first opportunity - i know he works hard, and he does do a bit around the house, so i can't complain really - but I'm just as tired - 4 mth old wakes twice a night for feeds etc.
sorry to go on, just feeling a bit low, bit on my own and a bit up to here with it all - thurs night last week when 12yr old was going off on one again i just screamed at them all, upsetting my little boys. didn't know what else to do.
Anyone got any tips on preserving my sanity or finding ways of making it all a little more bearable please - i know compared to so many I, and my dh, and the boys, are so lucky - but it doesn't always make it seem any easier.
Thanks x