individual contact

[bumblebeebuzzing]

NC for this but after opinions.

I have to dsc, they live 3 hour round trip away from us, we have them eow and more in the holidays. dsd is 15 and is becoming more reluctant to leave all her friends eow to see us, which is understandable, however dss is 12, and dhs ex won't allow dh to collect just dss for the weekend and not dsd, they have to go together or not at all.

This seems unfair on dss who is still (at the moment anyway) happy to come eow, also on our ds together and dh and I would love seeing dss (and dsd), dsd, is becoming more and more difficult in coming as she has her own life, but are we being unreasonable in asking for just dss? What do people do when this happens usually? Obviously it wouldn't matter if they were round the corner but with living so far away (the ex moved) it ends up wih us seeing them monthly.

There are already mutterings from dsd about coming for longer periods this summer.

No YANBU - a 12yo has different needs to a15yo. Why should your DSS miss out on contact because his sister is progressing towards wanting a more adult-style relationship her dad?

In the meantime I would insist that they both come together so DSS doesn't lose out and let your DSD and her mum sort things out between themselves.

I don't understand why their mother would care? She is not doing the driving, so why does it matter to her? What is that 'it's both of them or not' all about?

I would think it would be fine to have dss and not dsd. DSD doesn't want to come, it is her making that choice at 15. Seems a shame for dss to miss out.

Yanbu It sounds ridiculous

I don't know why she won't let him come on his own, we've asked and all we get Is, both of them or none. The problem is it's getting to the point where we can't make het, she has threatened not to be home when we go to collect

Can't you ask the kids nicely?

Ask the kids nicely What?

Why they have to come together. As it is it makes no sense but maybe there is a reason that once known might do so. They don't have to be interrogated just asked at a time that when the matter comes up.

The kids are the ones who's opinions matter. The 15 year old would rather stay and see her friends, the 12 year old wants to see his dad. As long as the 15 year old knows she's always welcome to come to yours, I don't know why her mum has a problem.

I don't understand the ex wife's view. It's reasonable for the 15year old's priorities to have changed as you say, but why should that affect the 12 year old? He can come on his own - they're not stapled together.

Perhaps it's to do with "me time". Maybe she uses her free weekends to stay at a boyfriend's, and the daughter being home scuppers that?

Does their mum want a weekend to herself? So trying to make sure they both go?
Not v nice but some parents think like that.

I think it's bloody obvious why their mum says both. She does virtually all the parenting and you have them what 4 days out of 30 /31. She may need a break or be dealing with work commitments. Seriously

Your partner has a right to see his son who wants to see his dad, continue to pick him up with or without dsd (as long as ds is happy to) and if the mother refuses then courts really the only choice IMO. Their dad has rights tell him to use them