AIBU to feel a bit unsettled about xDP's new partner

[MadameJosephine]

I'm not a step parent myself so wanted to get a view from 'the other side' so to speak.

DD's dad and I separated amicably almost 2 years ago. He's been with his new partner for most of that time and living together for about a year (not OW but they got together quite quickly)

Initially I knew nothing about her and because I thought he was living in his dad's spare room he never had DD overnight. Last September he introduced DD to his new partner and at Christmas she started staying overnight. Since then we've settled into a nice routine of his having her every Wednesday overnight and one night at the weekend which is arranged to fit around whatever plans each of us might have.

I've never met her but DD seemed to like her and I've always been of the opinion that the more people who love my daughter the better.

However, out of the blue last night I got a series of messages from ex telling me he'd just had a massive row with his partner and basically she wants DD to spend less time at theirs. He says he is happy to have her but his partner is not and that he only wants her every other weekend now because 'his income depends upon it' (he has history for being a bit of a cocklodger so I 've no doubt the house will be in her name)

I'm feeling a bit unsettled now because it seems like the novelty of having her partner's DD around is wearing off and I don't want my daughter to be somewhere where her presence is resented

Another update. I think it's all been a bit of a storm in a teacup to be honest. We've just had a very frank discussion about my concerns and he has reassured me that DD will always come first regardless of who he is a relationship with. Our arrangements will be staying as they are.

Good news OP

thanks Emeralda

MadameJ, hope he means it. It is only a few days ago he was telling you about changing the arrangement rather than telling his girlfriend that it wasn't going to happen.

IMost parents don't get (or want) whole weekends away from their dc, so I don't get why people think this is a problem - it's the nature of parenting. When you get involved with a man who has dc, you should be willing to accept that you won't often get whole weekends to yourself.
Eow leaves too big a gap between a child seeing her dad. I think eow is only reasonable if the child spends one week day night at dad's house in addition to that.

Good news Madame J. I think it speaks volumes that you're both able to have that frank communication and sort it out between you. Let's hope you don't have to remind him of that conversation too often in future.

I think the devil is in the detail personally.

OP I might have got it wrong but I don't know exactly what arrangement is changing - from what to what?

Especially if it was a 'loose' arrangement to begin with.

I'm asking as a step mum I've also been shot down in flames for asking for arrangements to be changed with my step sons. The 'loose' arrangement meant that the kids were turning up whenever and I could never plan ahead. We had the kids every weekend and one full time - so sometimes it's not about the amount - it's that when someone moves from being single and doing whatever suits ad hoc - it can - keep an open mind!!! - sometimes work better if it's more regular and manageable.

It doesn't necessarily mean the new partner is a witch!