Bedrooms - entitlement

[Dollyparton3]

So.....I'm finally selling my house and buying another bigger one nearer to DH. We will rent his house out and the new house will be mine essentially on paper but we will all live in it. Unromantic I know but we've both been married before so want to keep both assets. This means that we can afford a nice house with bigger living space, bedrooms etc than the one we're currently in.

We went to view a house today. Beautiful. Much bigger than the current house and it means that everyone will have a much bigger bedroom, DSS currently lives in a box room no bigger than a shoebox.

So..... I've always said to DH and we've agreed with DSS in that conversation that DSS (13) has the smallest room in every house. He spends a lot of time at his grandparents where he has the smallest room, and at his mum's house he has the smallest room.

Considering that DSD (16) regularly doesn't stay with us on our EOW as she's seeing her boyfriend, we agreed that it was fair that she had the smaller room (a relatively very large double) that is much bigger than the room in her dad's house currently. This is also the DSD that stomped all over the house last weekend with a bleeding foot and didn't think to clear up after herself. DSS however would have the marginally bigger room with an en suite, there is another room with an en suite that DH and I would have.

Today at the viewing all hell broke loose. DSS started snap chatting "my room", DSS argued, it wasn't an all out meltdown but once we got in the car all it went nuclear. Both kids are now massively sulking and DH has backpeddled on who has which room despite what we'd agreed previously.

So.... my view is that DSD having spent a year not visiting her dad because we'd bollocked her for acting inappropriately on social media is kicking off. She says "I'm the oldest, I get to choose my room". I'm thinking that DSS will spend more time with us in the new house, is always there EOW and should be afforded a bit of priveledge seeing that he gets it nowhere else.

I now feel that everyone can f*ck off if they can't agree because in the absence of me putting my money where my mouth is, nobody would be having this argument. This is the most ridiculous 1st world problem I've ever heard of.

As for DH, I love him to bits but he cannot stand up to his daughter and crumbles every time she stamps his feet.

No question of this not happening by the way, I love him to bits and the move is right for me logistically and financially so please don't tell me to run for the hills!

I should add that we'd already promised DSS a bigger room in the new house. Never discussed it with DSD as she's not see us much of late.

I would say dss should have the bigger room.

I remember your other thread and dsd is lucky to be allowed anywhere in the new house imo. .
I would be guessing she wants the bigger room for a double bed to have bf to stay!! Dss will be spending more time there as a genuine justification to giving him it. .

Thanks just made (and you've just made me hungry with your username!)

I agree, but after the last flaming I got for 3rd world food offerings I'm questioning my judgement.

Thanks just made (and you've just made me hungry with your username!)

I agree, but after the last flaming I got for 3rd world food offerings I'm questioning my judgement.

Stick to your plan if it suits the majority.

Also I'd not put too much emphasis in your own mind about 'step' children in this instance. Arguments, marking out territory, wanting your own way, unwillingness to compromise and empathize for others. Often files out the room when kids see a room they want.
Assuming they lived with you full time and where 'yours' this still could and would happen.

Do what's right for the majority. Take time to explain, leave time to sink in. Re-do above. It's a it like painting a room a different colour. Worth it afterwards, but at the time sold destroying.

Sorry about typos- hopefully you get the meaning!!

Stick to your guns.

Your dss should have the bigger room. Your Dsd is being an entitled miss (again) she honestly sounds horrible and I think you should have a good talk with your DP about her. Let him know you're struggling to deal with her behaviour and that he needs to man up.

Just had a verrrrry long chat with DH and have pointed out that this is unreasonable. He agreed. I suppose I just needed affirmation from a few of you ladies that I'm not in the wrong on this one.

We've decided that the first hurdle is to get the chain going in order to get this house, if that all looks like it's going in the right direction, our next move is to take DSD out together, tell her we need to speak with her and talk about it openly and honestly.

I think if we can tell her we want a serious chat and then explain all the reasons why as an adult she needs to compromise then it might have a reasonable effect. At the moment we're having all the tantrums without the decision making with her. But if you want to be treated like an adult you can't also play the princess card.

Bless DSD, he looked heartbroken earlier when DH did an about turn. I just explained that to him and he realises what a wally he was and that he needs to fix it.

I think your thought process makes sense... if DSS actually cares to have the bigger room. I expect if it was my two kids, my DS wouln't care and would be happy for his sister to have the bigger room and bathroom as it's not something that matters to him at all.

If however he would like the room but going along with his bossy sister for peace and quiet, then I would tell her it's how it is and that's it. No need for discussion, you explain your rationale once and that's all that is needed.

I agree with you OP, added to the fact that your DSD is being very stroppy which would make me even less inclined to pander to her. Simply put your DSS has the smallest room everywhere else, spends the most time with you and isn't throwing his toys out of his pram and being bratty. It's a no brainier.

You're right Swing, he does care, yesterday he said "she always gets why she wants and I don't", I think that's probably true.

She is being very stroppy. And pulling rank because she's the older one. I told DP last night I'm not having the biggest house in the room not being used because she's never there. I want bedrooms used. Not for show