New to half holidays - does this sound right?

[SteppingOnToes]

DPs ex has insisted that he does half of all school holidays. He is delighted with this as he had to go to court to get the limited custody he does get. The U part - she wants him to pick them up each morning and drop them at 20:30 each evening. Is this how it usually works?

We assumed that as he was having them mon-weds of this holidays that they would just not go home on the sunday as they normally do but he would drop them at 20:30 as usual.

Not the standard by any means but unfortunately not that unusual I am afraid.

In short he only has 3 options;

1. put up and shut up
2. refuse to have them
3. fight it and risk losing everything and having to go back to court

Honestly - put up and shut up might be the best tactic on this occasion IF your DP is home and able to look after the kids without it impacting on his job. If it impacts ie needs to book holiday then I would either be saying no unless he can have them overnight on those days. If he is off anyway then I would let it happen. Would DSD have clubs over the Easter holidays or would they also be on holiday?

This just sounds like she wants free child care during the holidays and doesn't want to increase his "nights" in case it drops the amount he has to pay in child support.

If DSDs mum suggested this to us, Id be adamant that if she wants to have them over night she could drop the kids off on her way to work in the morning and then pick them up at night. Then your DH both gets to spend the time with them but doesnt have to do all the running round for her.

Firstly - agree with other posters she is using this to 'cook' the number of nights on which CMS is based upon. If you add in half the school holidays (appx 6 weeks per annum) that would add 49 nights to your 'existing' number of nights and is likely to reduce the amount of CMS your husband pays.

On a practical note - would this early pick up and late drop off exist in the longer holidays? Can't see a 20.30 drop off each night for 3 weeks in the summer being reasonable nor feasible!

Stay out of the battle as SM but make sure your husband does NOT agree to this set up which appears to benefit nobody except the child's mother.

Correction re above - 6 weeks holiday would add roughly 42 nights to the CMS figures.... depending on your arrangements for weekends leading into or out of the 'weekday' holidays

OP DPs ex had withdrawn contact several times before and always threatened to again if she wasn't getting her own way. She controlled and manipulated him and in all honesty, it's not attractive. Who wants to be with a man who is another woman's lap dog?

Anyway, I digress. After years of this bulls**t, on my advice, DP just started largely ignoring her and stopped begging, pleading and accommodating her ridiculous demands. It was hard, we fell out A LOT! Of course it was me the bad guy stopping him seeing his kids etc. But..guess what? She was then practically begging for him to have the kids and she even had a hissy fit that they couldn't stay over at my house when she suddenly decided that they were doing because it suited her. Given that I won't ever be left alone with them due to her ridiculous false accusations and the fact that we have no room because she wouldn't let them stay and then we had children of our own, it's just gone beyond ridiculous.

How practical will it be to return the children each night, only to pick them up the following morning? Potentially lots of driving and petrol costs? If the ex is insisting they spend each night at home, then she should be doing at least half of the driving, and paying half of the associated costs.

No!

It's much easier for DP if the kids just stay through until Wednesday. If their mum wants something different then she's welcome to come and collect them every night at 8.30 and drop them off before school in the morning.

There's been a whole new development today - I can't really specify as it will be outing, but lets just say next holidays will be different ;)

sounds ominous! Glad things seem to be moving in the right direction

Steppin I hope your developments have resolved or are resolving.

I read this thread with some interest as my DH shares school holidays but exw won't increase the overnights ( we currently do 2-3) . She originally wanted DH to sit at her home while mum got ready for work ( as it is "his" week) then take DC to our home. He offered to have overnight instead so they have now reached a compromise that either mum drops off DC in pyjamas on her way to work ( she works 5 mins from our home ) or DH collects if mum is working from home.

It is working for the most part but I'm wondering if maintenance is the pertinent reason why no extra overnights ( We do them if mum is.going.somewhere overnight)

I am new to step parenting boards although have recently posted in relationships regarding a maintenance question.

Anyway was just pondering on this as it would be better for little DC ( others are older); although it works for now she sometimes asks to stay rather than go home to sleep and then have to come back in the morning.

I would definitely recommend going to court if you've exhausted the amicable route. Unfortunately you can't deal with some people and it's not fair on the children in the long run. Half holidays seems fair and enables overnight holidays too.