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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Hotel room dilemma

26 replies

newfamilydilema · 30/03/2017 12:14

I am sure others have had this dilemma. First holiday with new DP, myself and DD(13). For most of the time we will be in a holiday cottage with two bedrooms so no problems. For one maybe two nights we need to pit stop in a hotel such as an Ibis. If we were a non-blended family we would book one room and any moaning from DD would be ignored. But DP is not her dad so I understand that both of them maybe uncomfortable with this, however, I am uncomfortable with DD being alone in a hotel room in a foreign country. I have looked at the locations and there are no proper suites are, they are just larger rooms, but no division of the room.
DP and myself would normally sleep naked, but in a shared room with DD we would wear bedclothes. I don't want anyone to be worried or uncomfortable. DP will do whatever makes DD happy even actually if that meant him being in a single room, but again that seems to be setting a precedent that he is not truly part of the family.
What have any of you done in this situation?

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ZilphasHatpin · 30/03/2017 12:16

Why would she be uncomfortable? There will be a bathroom for her to change in. What is she concerned about?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 30/03/2017 12:18

But at this stage he isn't truly part of the family. As you say he is a new DP. He can have a single room. I can't see the problem at all.

donajimena · 30/03/2017 12:19

We've done this its not like we all bunk in the same bed. We try and get a bed each as opposed to double /single or you could share a bed with your daughter. Everyone changes in the bathroom and make sure we've all got pjs

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 30/03/2017 12:19

Why don't you share with DD and partner in a single room?

Nicnak2223 · 30/03/2017 12:20

Is she concerned? You don't mention her thoughts on this. I shared a room with my mum and step dad at this age. I wouldn't have shared a room with my father however. This may be a non issue that you are over thinking.

HeddaGarbled · 30/03/2017 12:21

I think him taking the single room just for these two nights sounds like the best solution.

MrsMackenzo · 30/03/2017 12:22

Personally, I would ask your DP to take a separate room. I wouldn't worry about it as him being 'not part of the family', as surely the ultimate aim is just for all of you to be happy and enjpy yourselves - and if your daughter feels most at ease that way then so be it.

MirandaWest · 30/03/2017 12:22

How new a DP is he? Has he stayed over at your house when DD has been there before or would this be the first time?

cestlavielife · 30/03/2017 12:23

Surely if anyone has own room at hotel ..it's dp who is adult... not dd !
If it's room with double bed and single then you and dd share and dp on the single
That way dd doesn't have to worry about you two having sex or other concernds while she in the room

Original poster

newfamilydilema · 30/03/2017 12:24

She isn't concerned as we haven't discussed it yet - maybe it is me overthinking it. DD has been through a really awful time with her Dad thrusting her headlong into a very complex blended family without any thought to her feelings. Both DP and I have had a very cautious approach to our relationship and DD and we are both very mindful of her happiness being of prime importance. DD is very fond of DP and he is of her, but that is very straight forward at home with two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

I say newDP as in not her Dad, but he has been around quite a while just we haven't been away all together. DD and I have been away together and he and I have been away together.

As I say I maybe over thinking this.

OP posts:

HouseworkIsASin10 · 30/03/2017 12:25

I'd share with DD and let partner have own room. It's only the odd nights, not the whole trip.

Original poster

newfamilydilema · 30/03/2017 12:26

Cross posted, good suggestion him in the single bed and us in the double.

OP posts:

Nicnak2223 · 30/03/2017 12:26

Ask her what she feels comfortable with, no one here can trek you that.

Auspiciouspanda · 30/03/2017 12:31

Of course you get separate rooms, there's no way I would sleep in a room with my mums boyfriend at 13!

cestlavielife · 30/03/2017 13:04

And ask her about the cottage.. .ask her if she wants to share with you ? Be open.
If she is going thru tough time put her first.

cestlavielife · 30/03/2017 13:05

Presumably she will be fine if used to having him stay over at home

Evergreen777 · 30/03/2017 13:59

We don't generally share - but we have more than one child, so they've not had to go in alone. I'd discuss with your DD what she would prefer - that way you show you're considering her feelings and what she would be comfortable with. Make it clear that you'd all wear PJs and change in the bathroom, but if she's really not comfortable, then book two rooms. You could always make a decision about who goes in the single room when you get there - eg DD might be happy to have it if it's near yours. Be aware that some hotels (usually chains) have strict rules about there being at least one over 18 in each room we've had to lie about who's sharing with who on ocassion

MangoSplit · 30/03/2017 14:03

I agree to give your DD the choice. Maybe she would feel nervous on her own and would prefer to be with you and DP. Maybe she would feel uncomfortable in with you. Why not ask and let her decide?

Isadora2007 · 30/03/2017 14:06

If she would be happy in a family room with you and her in the main bed and dp on the sofa bed/single then that could work?
Obviously there would be a bathroom for changing etc.

OutToGetYou · 30/03/2017 14:06

I had this issue as a 'step mum' and it was me who felt that sharing with 13+ yo DSS wasn't really right.

However, the ex's view was that he didn't want to pay more for an extra room, so we did now and then share. Later, we didn't, but it obviously did cost more. I drew the line at sharing a tent!

BurningViolin · 30/03/2017 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exexpat · 30/03/2017 18:24

When DP (not DD's father), DD (14) and I go away, she has a single room by herself - we've been doing that since she was about 12, both in the UK and overseas.

I would say that 13 was a good age for her to start having her own room on holiday, unless you think she would get anxious by herself? DD usually just finds the wifi code or the TV remote or gets out a book and is very happy having some personal space.

If you think she's not ready then I'd probably go for DP in a single room and you and DD together - but I wouldn't want to set a precedent for that to carry on for years.

exexpat · 30/03/2017 18:25

Oh, and I think DD would hate to share a room with both me and DP, so that has never been an option.

greenworm · 30/03/2017 23:06

I didn't really like sharing a room with my own parents at that age! But they didn't make any concessions to the fact I was there, eg would sleep naked, get up naked etc.

DP, DSS(11) and I have all shared hotel rooms before and it has been fine. I try to be unobtrusive, change in bathroom, give him as much privacy as possible etc.

So really...I think it depends on the individuals involved. If you all acknowledge you're all "bunking in together" as a practicality, take turns to change in bathroom, can all treat it fairly lightly while still being respectful of each other, it could be fine. But really depends on the individuals and how they're likely to act/feel.

OutToGetYou · 31/03/2017 09:25

"DP, DSS(11) and I have all shared hotel rooms before and it has been fine. I try to be unobtrusive, change in bathroom, give him as much privacy as possible etc."

I was OK when he was 11......13 is different. Things change.

I have unfond memories of the time 'd'p insisted we all share a Premier Inn room, pre holiday. We went out for early supper and back to the room about 9pm. 'D'p can sleep anywhere but I don't usually go to sleep at 9pm, so I kept the light on my side of the bed to read my book. 'D'p directly off to sleep. DSS "turn the light off, I can't sleep, turn the light off, how am I supposed to sleep with the light on, why can't I have my light on" [he didn't have a light], huff, puff, sigh, moan, shuffle, grumble, turn over etc etc. While 'D'p snores on.....

Fan-bloody-tastic it was. :(

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