Step Dad constantly aggravating DD 23 months...

[Brandyanddietcoke]

I dont know if this is the right place to start this thread or not but basically I don't like the way my mums husband treats my DD 23 months.

He has been with my mum since I was 2 (over 26 years) so it's not a new relationship. I can't remember much in my early days but I know that he has always been the aggravating type, for example, telling you if you had toothache, he would pull out your teeth with his pliers. He's the type of man that you can never have a serious conversation with because he will always say something stupid. No matter how serious the nature of it is.

As a result, I think, all 4 of my mums children have grown up a bit shy. But my mum and stepdad dont seem to understand that it is because of anything that they have done.

Anyway, since my daughter was born, hes always been a bit stupid with her. Saying he's going to give her some fist when shes older, rubbing her head a little too hard for my liking and shouting 'shaddup' when shes crying and that sort of thing. But no-one seemed to say anything or be bothered by it apart from me and DP. So I had a word with my mum and she defended him saying it was 'just his way' and that i was being over protective. But I stood up for what I believed and she said she would have a word with him. It stopped for a while but soon resumed again. And one day I blew my lid and Stepdad got really angry and said he wouldnt talk to DD at all then. And, i am left feeling like i am the one in the wrong. Like there is something wrong with me but she is my daughter and i cant stand by and see her treated this way by a member of her own family.

As shes got older, things seemed to improve but tonight ive been to pick her up from mums and for the 20 minutes i was there. Step dad didnt leave her alone. Constantly, poking her, pulling her hair, pulling up her clothes, taking off her socks etc... To the point where i had to say something and told him it was bullying behaviour. And my sis and mum and stepdad all looked at me like i was weird!

I just got her things together and left. I cried on the way home because i just feel like she is so innocent and lovely and he's just going to make her shy and nervous, like we all were. And no-one else in the family seems to think there's anything wrong. I dont know what to do...

why do you leave your daughter there? is it work commitments? can you find an alternative?

I wouldn't like it either.
Really feel for you with the 'innocent and lovely' comment.
He sounds like an ignorant bully.

i wouldn't leave her alone there. sounds like he has a problem.

Does it bother yourdd? Or does she find it funny. If she does that could be why he does it, But he does sound rather childish.
I wouldn't like it either but perhaps you could be a bit more diplomatic and have a word with him yourself. In the mean time perhaps always stay when dd is there???

Your step dad sounds like a bullying piece of sh*t! The way you have described his behaviour, it is completely unacceptable. He is not just bullying your dd; he is bullying you, too. Not sure what advice to give you - if he has always been like that, he is unlikely to change. What is your relationship with your mum and the rest of the family like?

Hiya thanks for the replies, had to go to bed last night.

Thank goodness i am not alone in thinking that my step dad is a bully. My mum has dd overnight once a week to give us a break and i do worry about dd spending time with stepdad when im not there. But then i do like my night and morning off, i get to catch up with work etc... Otherwise im usually there and stepdad does work quite a lot.

Talking to him one on one doesnt work because he can't hold a normal conversation. He will just laugh and say 'shes alright'. Its funny soph 28, u say he has a problem, because altho i dont want to believe it, i cant help but wonder if some of it may be some underlined rascism, i am mixed (the only one of us that are) and my daughter is mixed too. My sis has just had a baby (not mixed) and im yet to see if he acts the same way with her.

Altho i get on well with my mum, its the sort of family where u say nothing and just get along with everybody. Sweep it under the carpet type thing. Ive always been the rebel whose dared to speak out but with this i feel myself being oppressed.

Band of mothers, my dd does keep going back for more but in my opinion she doesnt know any better. When he play fights (V. rough for my liking, shes a girl not a boy!) she laughs a little bit but nothing like she would if it was a good friendly tickle. And, when he's aggravating her, with her clothes etc... she says no grandpa in the sweetest little voice. This is why i find it so heartbreaking. The other day when she was dropping to sleep in the car, u know how they chatter to themselves before nodding off sometimes, she was saying no grandpa, leave me. I told my mum this and she found it funny...

Oh dear, im feeling even more dispair about it this morning now. Perhaps i do need to keep her away and make them realise i mean business. Its just means losing out on my one free evening.