Adopting 'step child' any advice?

[Mamabooksbabynumber2]

Hi everyone, so dd and dp have a solid daughter/ father relationship and we are looking into adoption. We have been together 6 years adoption no he has brought up from a baby. I have no father on the birth certificate but know who the biological father is. Do we still need his permission? How tricky will this be? Thanks. To note: dd knows of bio dad but never seen him nor does he pay any maintenance and me, dp and dd have lived together for 3 years. Thanks in advance xx

adoption means he has the same rights as a parent.

It's not about rights. It means he will have the same responsibilities as a parent. But so will you sharing PR with him, and under the Children's Act the court has to first consider that option. You would need to show what you could achieve for your DC through adoption that you can't through PR - hence why it can be advisable, as in our case, to get PR first.

U don't need a piece of paper to say this.

I'm not trying to be unkind here, but honestly, you need to put a lot more thought into why you don't want to get married because that will come up repeatedly and saying because it's a piece of paper makes you appear rather uninformed. It's not - it's the difference between next of kin rights if one of you is unwell, bereavement benefits after one of you died, a transferable tax allowance, getting each other's pensions tax free and so much more.

Also, giving him parental responsibility does not remove responsibility from anyone else. For example, his biological father would still be legally obliged to pay child maintenance (which I think you should claim as I said in my first post).

If he adopts the child I think that means he will effectively be replacing the biological father, legally speaking. Which will surely be more complicated from a legal point of view and the biological father might object. Or not, since it would remove his obligation to pay child maintenance.

I just don't see why you wouldn't get married and set up the parental responsibility agreement. It seems so much more straightforward than adoption and a logical first step towards adopting if you and he still want him to adopt further down the line.

I have to say i am finding the tone of this thread totally depressing esp the assumption that once you have a biological child your partner will lose interest in your daughter.
By nature adoption is the choice of someone not biologically connected to the child to become that childs legal parent and to love that child as their own.
There are many adoptors out there who have birth children and yet go on to adopt children or who adopt first and then have biological children afterwards.
We do not have a heirachy of love with birth children at the top and other kids at the bottom of the heap. We love them all because they are all our children . Simple as that
There may be some rubbish fathers out there adoptive or otherwise but they are not all waiting to ditch their children when things go wrong
Honestly op go on adoptors board you will get a more balanced view..

My BILs adopted their child, and were strongly advised to marry first.

I would say again though, that adoption is about his relationship with the child, and hers with him. No about the mother and step father's relationship. To me, it was, and is, very important. Before and after my parents divorced. I am my dad's daughter. Absolutely.

No one is saying he will abandon her - I certainly wasn't. I was just saying that adoption isn't actually necessary when parental responsibility will more than suffice.

Cross post, mine was in response to flapjack.

That's honestly not what I have been trying to imply - or what I believe, flapjack. Aside from anything else, I'm pregnant! I certainly wouldn't have agreed to try for a child with Dh2 if I didn't believe he loved my children regardless of genetics, and will continue to love them all the same and treat them all the same. In fact, it is seeing how much he loves my older DC that made me change my mind about having another Dc at all.

But I do know that, in my LA at least, there are considerable differences in the way that they approach step-parent adoptions. Because it means severing ties with the biological parent and their extended family, and because a good alternative doesn't (sharing PR), my social worker expressed unhappiness with couples who say PR won't work because they're not married, so adoption is only option. She knows the courts want to see compelling reason for why adoption is necessary over PR, and 'can't get PR without being married, and marriage is just a piece of paper so we don't want to do it' really isn't one! If it's just a piece of paper, get married so you can get PR!

That's what I've been trying to get over to the OP, with the caveat that possibly some other LA's are less strict.

Are you pregnant Somer?! EEEEEEE! Congratulations! (Sorry for mini derail!)

Well with adoption the child would have security with a man who has raised her from 6 months old and birth father will not be able to mess about making life difficult for a child he wants nothing to do with.
There are plenty of mums on here dealing with fathers who, though absent and disinterested, seem to take great pleasure in stirring things up for their ex and kids.
The op has already said he will be difficult over this because he can and so as he is not adding anything positive to this childs life why not remove his right to interfere in decisions in his daughters life.
I know which option i would prefer but each to their own. I was trying to make the point that some are saying wait till you have a biological child because your partner will lose interest in adoption then which i find cynical and sad.
Anyway i digress because op wanted practical info not a debate so i wanted to say birth dad will be consulted and his need to give permission will be dispensed with if he doesnt have a compelling argument to put forward after 6yrs of nothing! You can still have contact with extended birth family if that is what your child wants and is in their best interests.
Op you need to speak to adoption dept at la and get them to assess your husband and child to see if this is in her best interests which is obviously paramount in all of this. However i do agree with others that it would be best to marry first.

flapjack You seem to be conveniently ignoring the fact that the biological father won't need to be consulted in order to give the stepdad parental rights. He will almost certainly need to be consulted if the stepdad adopts. So your argument about not involving bio dad actually supports PR over adoption.

"why not remove his right to interfere in decisions in his daughters life."

The biological father doesn't have parental responsibility so he has no rights that need to be removed.

No you don't need thebirth fathers permisfion if he doesn't have pr. The sw will contact him though and tell the court his opinion, it is just that though an opinion.

There is nothing to stop him going through the courts to try and establish parental rights as he is still the biological dad.
But whatever the legalities i am with op in that some (not all ) posters are assuming her partner will lose interest once he has birth child.
If he wants to commit to this child and have the right to say he is her legal parent who are any of us to poo poo his commitment or motives!
I have a long term foster child of 10 yrs and for legal complexities i cannot adopt him at present . I would love to say i am his legal mother because to me he is my son. I have 1 adopted child and 3 birth children also.
They are all my kids and i adore them all but it is different with my foster child. He is not quite mine ! I would love to change that so i understand where op and partner are coming from.
I dont want to argue legalities and hope i havent upset anyone with my arguments but i feel strongly about something i have experience of whereas (presumeably ) most of those posting and telling op not to do it have not.
That doesnt mean they cannot express their opinion of course just that some of it is cynical and saddening!

I think there is only one person who has said he will lose interest and they were projecting based on personal experience.

I think it can sometimes do more harm than good to bring personal experience into it when the OP's circumstances are different - and even if they were the same, people deal with different things in different ways.

All we can really advise on is the practical and legal aspects of parental responsibility and adoption.

I meant "people deal with the same things in different ways"

It's lovely he is going to adopt her and will just give you all extra security. Not sure how you go about it but the fact the bio dad not on birth certificate will make it a lot easier. It's nice as he wont be step dad just dad which is really nice.

I know you feel that people are picking on the marriage aspect OP, but that is a question you will be asked. When I got PR for DS (technically DSS) there were LOTS of questions.. They will want to know why you are choosing to legally link her to a man you have no legal link too. We had to show how me having PR for DS and how DH having it for my two girls benefitted them. They didn't give a stuff about the benefits for me or him, that's not what it's about.

My dbro adopted his dw' s 3 dc. He did it because he loves them. He is their dad. Cant give you specifics as he lives overseas.

I can see where you're coming from op but I do agree with the posters saying that pr might be more appropriate.

I have raised since dss since he was a toddler, got pr when he was 7 and only now that he is a teen (and a decade of marriage later) we're exploring adoption.

OP, I'm sure your partner is a wonderful dad to your DD.
Please reconsider your stance on marriage though, I used to naively believe it was 'just a piece of paper' but it really isn't.
If your DP or yourself passed away then you wouldn't be protected re. benefits, wills etc. plus protection over housing if you split up.
Just nipping to the register office and getting it done (you, DP and DD) would ensure security for your lovely family. Honestly, fuck the big wedding plans and get it done. Much simpler.

And Somer congratulations!!! A baby Lovely!

My friend was in a similar situation however she just got her dh added on the birth certificate even though he isn't the child's real father so he didn't need to adopt the child. Maybe wait until your married as you have more legal standing.

No judgement from me, we considered the same thing and the only reason we didnt go ahead is because it was going to cost £8,000 in legal fees and that was a straight forward non contested case. If bio dad will contest it, forget it unless you have thousands and thousands to throw at legal fees. Otherwise in your circumstances id recommend it.

A straightforward non contested case costs approx £400. However told you £8k was lying. No solicitor is required.

Also a biological father with no pr cannot contest they can have an opinion which will be told to the judge.

Not £400 sorry £160 I was trying two things at once.