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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

That moment when you realise you love the DSC sa well as their dad

20 replies

SteppingOnToes · 21/02/2017 14:27

I didn't think it would be possible to love someone elses children; like maybe but not love. This weekend I was at my DPs parents with him and his DC and I felt this overwhelming feeling for them. When I moved from tolerating them to liking them, I though that was it but these kids (despite their issues) are brill :)

Next time I whinge, please remind me of this :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TheNameIsBarbara · 21/02/2017 14:28

How lovely!

ShugAvery1 · 21/02/2017 14:29

This is so lovely to read. My DH is not my DS biological dad and I remember watching this transition. It was beautiful to see.

daydreamnation · 21/02/2017 14:32

My dh loves my two this way. He loves them both dearly, would do anything for either of them.
Its lovely to hear how you feel op. My dcs lives have been greatly enhanced by having a step parent.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/02/2017 15:44

That's lovely and it's so nice to hear a positive story. I'm glad you're happy

And knowing you can feel like that on a deep level definitely makes the days when they drive you mad a bit easier!

Two moments stand out for me. Last Christmas my DSD made us place names - all glitter and glue and sparkles. She put my name on the front and on the back she wrote: "Anne, I love you and I like you". It's one of my most treasured possessions. I love them completely differently to the love I feel for anyone else.

Another one was at our wedding. We hadn't really planned who'd go where, it was a very small do and the ceremony was outside. DSS ended up by my side with his little soft hand in mine through the service up until we did the rings (which he gave us) and when we kissed he put his arms around us. It felt so so right having them with us.

I never pictured marrying a man who had children and there are days when it's stressful and exhausting and life feels far more complicated than it needs to! But they're a huge part of my life and I love my DH so much more because of how much he loves them and what a wonderful parent he is.

Mix98 · 21/02/2017 15:46

That's lovely OP Can I ask, how long have you known your DSC?

user1471467016 · 21/02/2017 15:49

GooodMythicalMorning · 21/02/2017 15:53

That's so nice.

Love51 · 21/02/2017 15:56

My brother is a stepdad. I think he feels like this, it sort of glows out of him sometimes!. I'm really pleased that his wife took the gamble of introducing her kids to him, they are all so happy together.
My mum got upset when she heard that one of the kids had been a pain for him. (lovely kid capable of epic tantrums!) I was sort of pleased, not in a schadenfreude way, but that the kid felt at ease enough to put it all out there with him. They are really close :)

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/02/2017 16:18

That makes complete sense Love. It sounds like they're all lucky to have each other. The first time one of mine took food off my plate I wasn't sure whether I was livid or touched. DH was adamant it was a good thing as he'd only ever seen them do it to him and their Mum

My brother is also a stepdad and it's been a shitstorm from the start. I don't know how he does it. I'm grateful I've had an easier time of than he has. And I know our parents look in bemusement at how we've both ended up here!

Snowflake65 · 21/02/2017 16:20

Lovely thread. I hope whoever XH gets together with is as lovely to my DCs as you are to your SDCs

Somerville · 21/02/2017 17:03

How heartwarming all this stories are.

I remember My now DH2 phoning me sounding tearful and explaining that he'd just realised that his love for my children had developed from loving them because they were part of me to loving them for who they are. He'd realised because he was really missing them. Reading this thread has helped me understand what he meant, so thanks all.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/02/2017 17:12

I hope so too Snowflake and having a lovely supportive Mum in the picture makes the life of a stepmum all the easier. I can't imagine it but I'm sure it's true

gingina · 22/02/2017 11:15

I feel it with DSS. He's 15 and a lovely boy. My dc treat him like a brother and they are all really close.
DSD however is another story. I am fond of her but she is very self obsessed and manipulative and unfortunately is becoming more like her Mum as she grows up.
I think it will take longer for me to love to her but I'm hoping it will come.

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 22/02/2017 11:18

Im glad others share my experiences. I expected it to be much harder than it has been with them being 5 and 10 and not little

OP posts:

M00nUnit · 24/02/2017 16:05

My stepsons are amazing and I love them! I've known them for about 4.5 years now. DH and I have them every weekend and during holidays and we all have so much fun together. Can't wait to take them on holiday again this August! They're both on the autism spectrum and they've both told me they love me a few times. I feel extremely lucky.

Wdigin2this · 25/02/2017 10:33

I'm happy for you, but suspect you have no DC of you're own! I know that'll never happen in my life!

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 25/02/2017 18:56

Erm Wdigin2this - why the unnecessary negativity?

OP posts:

Original poster

SteppingOnToes · 25/02/2017 18:57

Fwiw my adopted kids are 22 abd 25 and have left home. I cannot carry to term myself

OP posts:

QueenArseClangers · 01/03/2017 09:52

Lovely thread.

I realised I loved my DSS quite early on. DH has always had 50/50 care and we got together when he was 3 and my DS was 2.
Seeing him grow up into a bearded young man has been epic and I truly do love him as my own.

In fact, I often forget that I didn't give birth to him!

Think I realised DH loved his DSS (my son) when he spent the evening clearing up sick and caring for him with such patience and gentleness.

We now have 3 more DC together and, I have to say, we really do love them unconditionally and equally.
It does help that DSS is such a smashing lad and wonderful human.

everybodysang · 08/03/2017 10:09

This is a nice thread.

I thought that I did love my DSD and DSS early on - and I did, kind of - but it was more like, as someone mentioned their DH saying earlier, I loved them because they were a part of DH rather than a pure love just for them IYSWIM.

When I had my DD, I realised that I did feel differently about her.

However. Now DD is 6, DSD is 14 and DSS is 17, and I love them all equally. It's hard to say when that happened - we've always got on, I've always worked really hard to try and make them feel wanted when they're with us, but now - I just love them all. It was a gradual thing, I guess, and that's maybe where it's different to loving your own birth child. But we got there in the end and it's been a (mostly!) happy road to get to that point.

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