Does anyone else have a 6 yr old step-son that they are struggling to cope with?

[stevensmum]

Hi, having trouble coping with our 6 yr old. I have been with him and dh since he was 2 and a half, constantly a battle of wills, but improving slowly over the years. Not helped by the fact that his mum is dragging us through the courts and him doing daft stauff in the house that you expect from a child a little younger than him.
dh and me finding it hard to cope but don't want to give up on him. but at the same time still stressful. me and dh are arguing over silly things because we are so stressed.

just say I know what you are going through...i have stepson of nearly 14 been here 4 years and he has constantly made it a battle of wills...only advice I can give is you and dh need to be united and talk plenty know this does not help much but I am thinking of you..hang in there.
lots of hugs

Thanx Scrumpy, i was just reading your thread, sounds like you have it rougher then me, me and dh do talk more now that he knows that ss is very sneaky and tries to come between us when he think dh isn't taking any notice. But trying to deal with all the daft things he does makes it harder.
dh is going through hell with family courts to try and stop ss mum ahving contact with him, and could be found in contempt of court but still ss is playing up and doing daft stuff. dh is at the end of his tether and is thinking more and more that ss would be better off in care as we can no longer cope. dh has heart trouble and is on medication for it and ss isn't making things any better.

sounds like our situations are similar even though difference in age. My dh stopped ss mums relatives from having contact as they were barking....not only that my dh x wife left because of ss and that was when he was 6 years old and she was obviously worried about her ds. I am not planning on leaving although my dh is worried i might..I phoned him at work 2nite as i was in such a state...I have always been so easy going and my ss has brought out the worst in me I sometimes hate myself and I love my ds so much i am worried for him being brought up in a house thats filled with tension...I think you have a much better chance of coping with your ss as you have been with him since he was much younger I know social services is last resort but we may both need it for some sanity to return.

It doesn't make it any easier the fact that i got ss when he was younger unfortunately and yes i worry about the two younger children being in the same house as him, seeing as he has already tried to harm his sister. because of this we live in a 2 bed flat and have given ss our room so they don't share but with ds now 8 months he will soon need to share a room with someone and we were hoping to have ss share with sister and brother but just don't know how things will be. Will babies be safe if ss is sneaking nail varnish into rooms and taking drinks off babies and trying to strangle his sister. These are big concerns for me...and dh but not so much i feel for dh as me. He feels it is still a faise ss is going through and will get better with age. part of me wishes he puts him into care and we can get on with our lives....does this seem wrong or bad parenting to you?
I just want a stress free life bringing up "normal" kids...

I have also found myself snapping at my dd for no real reason just because i am stressed with the situation we are in, cramped in a 2 bed flat with three kids 6, 22 months and 8 months, a dog and sleeping and living in the same room to give our kids more space and not a sign of a move until the beginning of next year

ss seems to have made me more moody over the past 4 years and dh wants to see the young smiley wife he married 4 yr ago...but for me its difficult to manage all the feelings that have built up over them 4 years with dh and ss. I try to love 6 yr old the same as the younger two but it's hard with the way he is and being so much like his mother makes it harder.

stevensmum...I sympathise and I know how you feel i too would be worried about dd and ds and I know in your heart you feel you need to keep trying with ss the same as I do with ss but your instincts are telling you to protect your dd and ds...I also feel that dh does not see a risk towards ds from ss like I do.I am sorry your living circumstances are not good I dont know how you are coping have you family that can help?

not really....dh parents are getting on now and can only cope with the babies 1 at a time, but are very adament that they don't agree with dh putting ss into care. Although they don't offer to take ss for a weekend to give us a break. I know we have him with us a nd that we should take care of him but he is not a "normal" 6 yr old and the demands he makes on us are very tiring.

Just chatting with dh about ss and courts and he says it only makes ss make himself more distant when he does these silly things and makes it easier for dh to say to courts if they demand he gives access to ss mum, that he says put him into care. It must be hard for our dh's the fact that ss's are theirs and not ours but maybe it is time to look at the big picture and realise that if things continue the way they are the only way forward is staying together but living in different houses.?

just out of curiosity scrumpy ...do you have msn messenger? I am trying to keep track of where you areposting and losing track

msn messenger may be quicker.

Sorry if this breaks rules on mumsnet...just thought scrumpy could do with chatting some more..

dear stevensmum...I dont think we have msn messenger..bit of a techno nerd but I can ask dh..

sorry so long replying been upstairs to give ds dream feed he is so good and adorable gone back to sleep...

ok, well if you like if you have msn messenger and would like to chat i can send you msn messenger if you want to send me your email address. dh is falling asleep on couch feeling neglected but i can add you to my list and contact you tomorrow if you like?

just for peace of mind i will give you my email if you like...darling husband is laughing at our shorthand for partners hahahha

my email is [email protected]

Dear stevensmum.....would love to chat but can you explain how msn messenger works..not sure if dh who is at work would appreciate me yakking about our life on mumsnet..does it go into the inbox on our mail? dh is great but he can be a bit defensive regarding our situation? Sorry if I sound a bit behind the times with the technical side of things but only just getting the hang of mumsnet..

not a problem, if you have a hotmail address, go into it and you should find in there somewhere the msn messenger to download. you download and save this to your computer. Then when you open messenger once you have downloaded messenger make an internet connection with your web browser and open msn messenger program which shortcut should be on your desk top. It will ask you to sign in, because it is part of hotmail you sign in with your hotmail password, if you have any email messages you will get a pop-up and it will tell you, you access your email with this, but in messenger there is a contacts list, if you add a person to your contacts list it will let you know when you are online to chat or ofline. When you see a contact online you can double click on their name and start a private chat with them just like in a chat room online only it is just the two of you unless you invite one of your other contacts to join in. If you have a web cam you can see eachother as you chat, it is instant, you type your message, press enter or send and it appears on your screen aswell as threres and is instant and private.

Sorry it's long winded and i will understand if you want to wait for dh to look into it. Just be reasured that whatever you tell me is in confidence and will go no further. I chat to only one other person on msn and that has been fort a while.

thanks..I think my sister has msn messenger and she is coming over next week so I will ask her to do the necessary she is more up to date than me. Hope things improve for you will keep you in my thoughts, i am off to bed dh wont be home till 4 am as working at glastonbury festival...thanks for your posts...ss came downstairs about an hour ago as if nothing had happenedd began telling me about the hwk he will have 2day!! i will speak again 2 morrow on this thread if you would like?

ok, will try to get on at some time, try to take it easy and with regards to ss, anytime he decides to be civil think of it as progress.

take it easy

sheryl