Chores

[Lala1980]

Hello. Does anyone have any advice on persuading DP to get resident DSS to help around the house a little more? He is 14 and has lived with us nearly 2 years. DP has always been a bit Disney but thought that would improve once he wasn't a "part time dad". I guess coming from a family where mum made us all chip in and "this is our home not a hotel" this all feels a bit alien and frustrating especially as dp and I both work ft a little help wouldn't go a miss. I'm not talking about slave labour but putting own rubbish in the bin or plate in the dishwasher or (God forbid) empty the dishwasher when it's done.
Sorry for rant just a bit stressed out with work and running the home #PassTheWine

In my experience it won't happen unless his dad is completely on board. I got so pissed off with it, almost exactly same situation but with added brothers every other weekend, that I just stopped doing anything too.

Anything to do with his son was his problem. It was entirely liberating!

Sounds good! I'll get Odeon limitless and go see a film until DSS bedtime each night!!!

I think you have to have very clearly defined tasks that are his, and which he is without fail expected to do. Eg always put own plate in dishwasher (and get called back to the kitchen if he fails), put own clothes away out the wash. Empty the dishwasher every Friday/Sunday/whenever asked.

Expecting a 14 year old boy just to start chipping in to be helpful, is probably unrealistic in my experience. (18 year old DSS is just starting to get the hang of it ocassionaly, though not often)

I don't think fourteen year olds that aren't in the habit of doing chores can be persuaded - he'll have to be told.

Tell him only laundry in the basket gets washed - and mean it- close the door on his room, let his towel fester on the floor if that's where he leaves it. Make clear what he is expected to do and don't do it for him if he doesn't. So don't pick anything that you will feel obliged to do when if he doesn't do it!

I think there's a danger you can start to feel like the nanny. Which is what was happening to me. So I put a stop to it.

I'd need DP to consistently back it up though...

Does he get pocket money? If so, talk to his DF about making the cash he gets, dependant on a few reasonable chores, and dock it if they aren't done.
If he doesn't, then talk to his DF about giving him a set amount for each chore completed. You're going to have to be pro-active in this, because he won't suddenly start doing stuff like, emptying the dishwasher.
I'd be instigating it now, before he gets any older, and fondly believing that there are house fairies, who do everything for him!

Good luck. I can't get 9 yo dsd2 to even hang the bath mat over the bath after a shower. It literally takes 2 seconds and she either forgets or whinges about it. My 2 year old is better at chores!